{"id":5043,"date":"2013-12-19T12:01:08","date_gmt":"2013-12-19T17:01:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5043"},"modified":"2013-12-19T17:16:52","modified_gmt":"2013-12-19T22:16:52","slug":"be-nice-without-being-a-pushover","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html","title":{"rendered":"Be Nice Without Being a Pushover"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Dreen<\/a>I\u2019ve been a fan of Doreen Virtue<\/strong><\/a>\u2019s books for a while. That\u2019s why I\u2019m thrilled to have an excerpt from her new book, A<\/strong>ssertiveness for Earth Angels:\u00a0 How To Be Loving Instead of \u201cToo Nice\u201d<\/strong><\/a>, ( Hay House), available at bookstores or online at www.HayHouse.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

How to Be Nice and Loving,Without Being a Pushover<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>reprinted with permission<\/em>
\nby Doreen Virtue<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Earth Angels are nice because they\u2019re very sensitive to how energies affect other people. They treat others as they\u2019d wish to be treated, very much living by the Golden Rule.<\/p>\n

Earth Angels see the best in others and expect the best in return. Oh,\u00a0if only the world really worked that way!<\/p>\n

The three-dimensional physical world is a product of the ego, so the ego prevails for the majority of people, who aren\u2019t aware of the path of true happiness from living in the higher self.
\nNow, this doesn\u2019t mean that Earth Angels need to lower their standards and try to fit into the lowest common denominator of rude or ego-based behavior. But it does require Earth Angels to be aware of ego energy when it shows up.<\/p>\n

If you have been taken advantage of repeatedly for being a nice person, then please pay extra attention to this chapter.<\/p>\n

The ego energy is all about \u201cme\u201d and \u201cI\u201d: What is in it for me? and What can I get out of this?
\nThat\u2019s why self-centered people are called egocentric or egotistical.<\/p>\n

Therefore it\u2019s important to take some time when you\u2019re with someone to be very aware of how your body feels in that person\u2019s presence. Your body is one of the most accurate divination tools on this physical planet. Your body is a crystal that resonates with energy vibrations.
\nSo when you meet someone, rather than worrying, Does she like me? Am I good enough? and these sort of self-doubting questions, instead listen to what your body says. Notice:<\/p>\n

*\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Do I feel drained of energy when I\u2019m around this person?
\n* \u00a0\u00a0 Does my stomach tighten with defensiveness, bracing myself against some danger?
\n*\u00a0\u00a0 Do I feel myself backing away from this person or wanting to leave her presence?
\n* \u00a0\u00a0 Is there a sense that I\u2019m the only one giving in this relationship?
\n* \u00a0\u00a0 Does it feel like the other person is all about taking?
\n*\u00a0 \u00a0 Does the other person joke or brag about how much she gets away with or takes advantage of others?
\n* \u00a0\u00a0 After being with this person, do I feel tired or depressed or anxious?<\/p>\n

So when you encounter a person who\u2019s ego-centered, you\u2019ll feel a draining sensation in your body, because your energy is literally being drained. You\u2019re also being scanned energetically by the egocentric person, who\u2019s assessing what she can take from you.<\/p>\n

What egocentric people want to take from you can vary. They may want simple things such as a listening ear or kind words. Most Earth Angels don\u2019t feel taken advantage of for giving these things, unless it becomes a one-sided relationship where you\u2019re the only one giving the compliments and doing the listening, and the other person never says anything nice to you, nor do they care enough to listen to you.<\/p>\n

To find a person who isn\u2019t egocentric, you\u2019ll need to hold the intention of meeting other Earth Angels and givers . . . or those who have been working to develop self-awareness, and who have come to the realization that the path to true happiness is through balancing giving and receiving.
\nRelationships are synergistic. You can be as nice as an angel in heaven, but unless you\u2019re with someone who honors and respects your niceness, you\u2019ll tend to be taken advantage of by those who are egocentric.
\nIf someone\u2019s egocentric, don\u2019t worry whether or not he or she likes you. Egocentric people are incapable of liking anyone, because their hearts are closed. They don\u2019t even like themselves.
\nWhen you get a sense that someone\u2019s a \u201ctaker,\u201d pull back your energy and don\u2019t try so hard. He or she is not worth your time as your friend, and you\u2019ll end up \u201cbreaking up\u201d anyway when you get tired of being taken advantage of. You have a limited amount of time here on Earth, and it\u2019s best to spend it on someone who\u2019ll appreciate being helped.<\/p>\n

Egocentric people see help from others as threatening to their egos, because it means they\u2019re \u201cweak\u201d if they accept it. They also see receiving help as \u201cwinning\u201d in their endless game of taking as much as they can without giving anything in return.<\/p>\n

When dealing with an egocentric person, it\u2019s not about getting their approval through being nice. It\u2019s impossible to get the approval of those who are only concerned about themselves. Instead, focus on being loving and respecting yourself.<\/p>\n

With all assertive encounters, your goal isn\u2019t to change the other person.\u00a0Your intention is to be honest and authentic, and take good care of yourself and treat other people with respect.
\n**************
\nCheck out Doreen Virtue<\/strong><\/a>\u2019s new book, A<\/strong>ssertiveness for Earth Angels:\u00a0 How To Be Loving Instead of \u201cToo Nice\u201d<\/strong><\/a>.
\n**************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the first 31 days of 2014.\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been a fan of Doreen Virtue\u2019s books for a while. That\u2019s why I\u2019m thrilled to have an excerpt from her new book, Assertiveness for Earth Angels:\u00a0 How To Be Loving Instead of \u201cToo Nice\u201d, ( Hay House), available at bookstores or online at www.HayHouse.com. How to Be Nice and Loving,Without Being a Pushover reprinted…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,14,2],"tags":[827,828],"class_list":["post-5043","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-assertiveness-for-earth-angels","tag-doreen-virtue"],"yoast_head":"\nBe Nice Without Being a Pushover - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Be Nice Without Being a Pushover - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I\u2019ve been a fan of Doreen Virtue\u2019s books for a while. That\u2019s why I\u2019m thrilled to have an excerpt from her new book, Assertiveness for Earth Angels:\u00a0 How To Be Loving Instead of \u201cToo Nice\u201d, ( Hay House), available at bookstores or online at www.HayHouse.com. How to Be Nice and Loving,Without Being a Pushover reprinted…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-12-19T17:01:08+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-12-19T22:16:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2013\/12\/Dreen-Virtue-cover.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Be Nice Without Being a Pushover - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Be Nice Without Being a Pushover - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"I\u2019ve been a fan of Doreen Virtue\u2019s books for a while. That\u2019s why I\u2019m thrilled to have an excerpt from her new book, Assertiveness for Earth Angels:\u00a0 How To Be Loving Instead of \u201cToo Nice\u201d, ( Hay House), available at bookstores or online at www.HayHouse.com. How to Be Nice and Loving,Without Being a Pushover reprinted…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2013-12-19T17:01:08+00:00","article_modified_time":"2013-12-19T22:16:52+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2013\/12\/Dreen-Virtue-cover.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html","name":"Be Nice Without Being a Pushover - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2013\/12\/Dreen-Virtue-cover.jpg","datePublished":"2013-12-19T17:01:08+00:00","dateModified":"2013-12-19T22:16:52+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2013\/12\/Dreen-Virtue-cover.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2013\/12\/Dreen-Virtue-cover.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/be-nice-without-being-a-pushover.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Be Nice Without Being a Pushover"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5043","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5043"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5043\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5051,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5043\/revisions\/5051"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5043"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5043"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5043"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}