{"id":5009,"date":"2013-12-16T12:01:15","date_gmt":"2013-12-16T17:01:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=5009"},"modified":"2013-12-02T21:29:07","modified_gmt":"2013-12-03T02:29:07","slug":"deflecting-word-darts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/deflecting-word-darts.html","title":{"rendered":"Deflecting Word Darts"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"darts\"<\/a>Some folks can be mean, especially if they think you\u2019re an easy target. People may say things to make you feel bad when they’re angry, or don’t like you, or are jealous, or, aren\u2019t happy with their own lives. Their words can be deflected and not allowed to hit their mark by putting them into perspective. Why listen to someone who throws what I call word darts? The stupidity factor can make folks speak without considering the impact or even think it\u2019s in your best interest.<\/p>\n

Word darts can come from people close to you, which can make them harder to field, especially if it\u2019s from a parent. My client Olivia complained about how her parents made comments about her appearance for her whole life and how it hurt her. She knew they loved her and didn’t mean to be hurtful but they punched holes in her self-esteem with painful words\u2014regularly suggesting she should diet, and more, under the guise of doing it for her good. I helped her to understand they spoke from ignorance, afraid if she didn’t improve, she wouldn\u2019t find a guy to take care of her.<\/p>\n

As Olivia accepted that what matters is her own self-image I encouraged her to ask her mom if she grasped how much her words hurt. Her mom was shocked and felt awful. She explained she was trying to help Olivia out of love and promised to stop. She still makes comments but now Olivia ignores them. When she heard her dad whisper to her sister that it was a shame she’d gained weight on vacation Olivia still winced, but it passed quickly. She\u2019s in control now, not letting words get to her as much. When you do that it nurtures self-love.<\/p>\n

Only you give someone else\u2019s words validity. If you\u2019re called stupid or fat, that doesn\u2019t make you stupid or fat. Anyone can say anything. You make their words true, or not. Don\u2019t accept someone else\u2019s judgment! Words can NEVER harm you\u2014unless you let them! Words don\u2019t have to hurt unless you accept them as true. Your response to them is what matters. If someone\u2019s words sting, consciously remind yourself that his or her view is unimportant and that you\u2019re wonderful as you are. When you lament that someone made you feel bad about yourself\u2014STOP. Think about it. Words only hurt you if you give them power by accepting them.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s your choice to shrug them off or let them under your skin. Make compliments much more important than negative comments. If something mean is said, compliment yourself. That\u2019s self-love!
\n**************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>—\u201cI commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the first 31 days of 2014.\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some folks can be mean, especially if they think you\u2019re an easy target. People may say things to make you feel bad when they’re angry, or don’t like you, or are jealous, or, aren\u2019t happy with their own lives. Their words can be deflected and not allowed to hit their mark by putting them into…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[99,821,820],"class_list":["post-5009","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-criticism","tag-hurtful-words","tag-mean-words"],"yoast_head":"\nDeflecting Word Darts - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/deflecting-word-darts.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Deflecting Word Darts - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Some folks can be mean, especially if they think you\u2019re an easy target. People may say things to make you feel bad when they’re angry, or don’t like you, or are jealous, or, aren\u2019t happy with their own lives. Their words can be deflected and not allowed to hit their mark by putting them into…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/deflecting-word-darts.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-12-16T17:01:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-12-03T02:29:07+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2013\/12\/darts-224x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Deflecting Word Darts - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/12\/deflecting-word-darts.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Deflecting Word Darts - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Some folks can be mean, especially if they think you\u2019re an easy target. 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