{"id":4864,"date":"2013-10-25T12:01:38","date_gmt":"2013-10-25T16:01:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4864"},"modified":"2013-10-12T22:28:21","modified_gmt":"2013-10-13T02:28:21","slug":"affirming-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/10\/affirming-boundaries.html","title":{"rendered":"Affirming Boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"hand\"<\/a>I know how hard it can be to say \u2018No\u201d after you\u2019ve been a people pleaser for years and people expect an automatic \u201cYes\u201d to favors from you. But it\u2019s also exhilarating to say it and know that you\u2019re off the hook for doing something you don\u2019t want to do. Setting boundaries on how much of your time and energy you can give to others is a great way to say, \u201cI love me.\u201d When you agree to everyone\u2019s requests, negative emotions may plague you.<\/p>\n

\u00b7\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Anger directed at yourself, at your inability to set boundaries and not get stuck doing things you don\u2019t want to do<\/p>\n

\u00b7\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Resentment toward the person putting you on the spot, for expecting too much from you<\/p>\n

\u00b7\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Frustration about not having enough time for things you want to do<\/p>\n

\u00b7\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Self-loathing about feeling like a wimp for not setting boundaries<\/p>\n

Any of the above will hurt your quality of life. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to set boundaries on what you do for others. But there is a discomfort that comes with it at the beginning and you\u2019ll have to get past that if you want to remove the \u201cwelcome\u201d from your forehead. The more you say \u201cNo\u201d, the more people will get used to it. But of course that takes time. Until then, fortify yourself with affirmations that you can say to yourself to stay strong and resolute as your boundaries get set. Create your own or use one of mine:<\/p>\n

\u00b7\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m entitled to say \u201cno\u201d when I want to.\u201d
\n\u00b7\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI choose to feel uneasy for a while in order to make my life better with boundaries.\u201d
\n\u00b7\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cOther people say \u201cno,\u201d so why not me?\u201d
\n\u00b7\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cI deserve to choose how I help people.\u201d
\n\u00b7\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cPeople will accept my boundaries if I stay strong.\u201d
\n\u00b7\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201c Boundaries rock! And I\u2019m setting some because I love myself\u00a0 enough to choose MY happiness over someone else\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hang the ones that resonate or you up as a reminder that you need to do it. As you enjoy the extra time you have because you\u2019re not running around like a favor bunny, you\u2019ll be more motivated to reinforce your boundaries. Keep remembering that it\u2019s okay to not be there for everyone. Are they always ther or you? As you slowly shed your people pleasing ways, you\u2019ll begin to live as an empowered person. And I can attest that it\u2019s a great feeling.
\n**************
\nJoin the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.
\nPlease leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I know how hard it can be to say \u2018No\u201d after you\u2019ve been a people pleaser for years and people expect an automatic \u201cYes\u201d to favors from you. But it\u2019s also exhilarating to say it and know that you\u2019re off the hook for doing something you don\u2019t want to do. Setting boundaries on how much…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[154,43,193,444],"class_list":["post-4864","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-doormats","tag-people-pleasing","tag-saying-no","tag-setting-boundaries"],"yoast_head":"\nAffirming Boundaries - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/10\/affirming-boundaries.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Affirming Boundaries - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I know how hard it can be to say \u2018No\u201d after you\u2019ve been a people pleaser for years and people expect an automatic \u201cYes\u201d to favors from you. But it\u2019s also exhilarating to say it and know that you\u2019re off the hook for doing something you don\u2019t want to do. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4864","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4864"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4864\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4866,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4864\/revisions\/4866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4864"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4864"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4864"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}