{"id":4834,"date":"2013-11-01T12:01:03","date_gmt":"2013-11-01T16:01:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4834"},"modified":"2013-10-03T23:10:17","modified_gmt":"2013-10-04T03:10:17","slug":"the-4-levels-of-doormat-emotions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/11\/the-4-levels-of-doormat-emotions.html","title":{"rendered":"The 4 levels of DoorMat Emotions"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"tear\"<\/a>Being a DoorMat is a conscious effort to gain approval or security. But unfortunately many of us don\u2019t get those results when we do our best to please everyone. That\u2019s why so many DoorMats are unhappy.\u00a0 I was rarely happy in my DoorMat days because of the negative emotions I\u2019d develop when people let me down. They ran the gamut from making me mildly sad to feeling devastated. I began to notice a pattern.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I’d only experience a little blip if the person wasn\u2019t important to me or it was one incident. But it was someone who mattered to me, or who I\u2019d been very good to and I began to feel used, taken for granted or unsupported it took me down four levels of emotions, which I\u2019ve noticed in many people pleasers:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a01. Disappointment<\/strong>: Each favor you do may come with a sub-conscious hope that the person will be there for you in return. When they\u2019re not, you feel disappointed. \u201cShouldn\u2019t she appreciate me enough to want to reciprocate all the kindness I\u2019ve given her?\u201d “I had hoped that I could count on him the way he counts on me sometimes too.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s disappointing when someone you\u2019ve done lot for doesn\u2019t live up to your expectations.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a02. Disillusionment<\/strong>: As you get let down more and more, disappointment feeds feeling disillusioned. \u201cNobody is nice but me.\u201d \u201cWhy don\u2019t people care about me?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with people? Why can\u2019t they do the right thing.\u201d It\u2019s disheartening when people always let you down. You can start to distrust everyone\u2019s motives.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a03. Hurt:<\/strong> When it continues it\u2019s painful to face the disillusionment of knowing your good deeds are unreciprocated. You suspect friends aren\u2019t sincere, which hurts. \u201cIt\u2019s painful to know that she isn\u2019t there for me after I\u2019ve been such a good friend.\u201d \u201cDid he ever really care about me or was I just source of favors.\u201d \u201cIt hurts to think she\u2019s never been a real friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a04. Helplessness:<\/strong> When you work hard to please and it manifests little, you can feel powerless. You might feel helpless about how to deal with finding ways to develop healthy reciprocal relationships with people. \u201cI gave up things I wanted to do in order to help her. What do I have to do to feel supported?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s the point of being nice to people if no one is nice to me? \u201cAm I doomed to always be alone?\u201d When you feel this way you\u2019ve hit your low point.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve learned to catch myself before I get to the higher levels. Setting boundaries on how much you do for others is the way to avoid the more painful emotions. Giving is a blessing, but not if it hurts! Pay attention to how people treat you. And limit what you do for those who don\u2019t deserve your favors.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also important to understand that no one is obligated to reciprocate what you do for them. As you become more empowered and love yourself, it\u2019s easier to understand why it\u2019s important to do things for people from a place of goodness, not to gain approval or hopefully get something back. It\u2019s truly a blessing to be able to help someone. Get into the habit of only helping people because it makes you feel good. Since I left DoorMatville and became empowered, I have a lot more energy to give than I used to \u2013an for the right reasons\u2014for the blessing of helping someone.\u00a0 I also love myself enough to not do things I don\u2019t want to do. Be alert to those DoorMat emotions and control your people pleasing to avoid them!
\n**************
\nJoin the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Being a DoorMat is a conscious effort to gain approval or security. But unfortunately many of us don\u2019t get those results when we do our best to please everyone. That\u2019s why so many DoorMats are unhappy.\u00a0 I was rarely happy in my DoorMat days because of the negative emotions I\u2019d develop when people let me…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[44,154],"class_list":["post-4834","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","tag-doormat-syndrome","tag-doormats"],"yoast_head":"\nThe 4 levels of DoorMat Emotions - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/11\/the-4-levels-of-doormat-emotions.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The 4 levels of DoorMat Emotions - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Being a DoorMat is a conscious effort to gain approval or security. But unfortunately many of us don\u2019t get those results when we do our best to please everyone. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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