{"id":4679,"date":"2013-09-13T12:01:51","date_gmt":"2013-09-13T16:01:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4679"},"modified":"2013-08-08T17:36:23","modified_gmt":"2013-08-08T21:36:23","slug":"what-direction-does-your-give-take-go-in","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/09\/what-direction-does-your-give-take-go-in.html","title":{"rendered":"What Direction Does Your Give & Take Go In?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"one-way<\/a>I\u2019ve never liked one-way streets. When I\u2019m trying to get somewhere, especially in an area I\u2019m not familiar with, it\u2019s frustrating to try to navigate streets that aren\u2019t going in the direction I want to go in.. Anything going just one way can hinder you. That includes people. When I was a DoorMat, my give and take tended to go in one direction\u2014I\u2019d give and people took from me. It didn\u2019t feel good. DoorMats often allow that to happen to please people they\u2019re scared of alienating.<\/p>\n

People come to me for counseling often complaining about feeling like they give a lot but don\u2019t receive much. People pleasing tends to work like that. It happens with friends and at work too. For example, Jimmy came to me upset about Mike, a guy at work. He said he always pitched in to help co-workers who needed it.<\/p>\n

But lately Mike was stuck creatively and kept asking him to brainstorm ideas for projects. Jimmy came up with some great ones. But at a big meeting with the whole staff, he put out Jimmy\u2019s ideas as his own and glowed from the praise, never acknowledging JImmy’s part in it. Yet Jimmy didn\u2019t say a word. Jimmy wanted his colleagues to like him and was scared he wouldn\u2019t be seen as a team player if he spoke up. So he stewed in silence. Yet Mike never gave him any ideas when he asked for help.<\/p>\n

And Taylor complained that her neighbor always put her on the spot to have her kids come over while she went out. Yet when Taylor needed someone to watch her kids, the neighbor had excuses not to. Taylor didn\u2019t mind watching her kids but didn\u2019t like the one-way street she was on with always being the one to baby sit and no reciprocation. These kinds of situations keep you living in DoorMatville!<\/p>\n

When you find yourself on a one-way street with someone and you\u2019re going the wrong way, it\u2019s time to put on the brakes and begin to set boundaries and speak up. Usually there\u2019s an underlying fear that stops you. Give it some thought. It\u2019s important to identify what drives you to stay silent or to stay on the one-way street. You owe it to yourself to get off of it when a car continues driving the wrong way on a one-way street, it often will get into an accident. Going in he wrong direction with giving and taking can lead you o feel injured. The anger alone can hurt you.<\/p>\n

The nest time Mike hit Jimmy up for ideas, Jimmy told him that he wanted credit if they were used. And Taylor told her neighbor that she needed to be able to count on her too.When you speak up for yourself, you become empowereed and enjoy being on a two-way street.
\n**************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.
\nPlease leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve never liked one-way streets. When I\u2019m trying to get somewhere, especially in an area I\u2019m not familiar with, it\u2019s frustrating to try to navigate streets that aren\u2019t going in the direction I want to go in.. Anything going just one way can hinder you. That includes people. When I was a DoorMat, my give…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[745,43,193,88,444],"class_list":["post-4679","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-dormats","tag-people-pleasing","tag-saying-no","tag-self-empowerment","tag-setting-boundaries"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Direction Does Your Give & Take Go In? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/09\/what-direction-does-your-give-take-go-in.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What Direction Does Your Give & Take Go In? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I\u2019ve never liked one-way streets. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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