{"id":4673,"date":"2013-09-09T12:01:08","date_gmt":"2013-09-09T16:01:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4673"},"modified":"2013-08-05T22:23:46","modified_gmt":"2013-08-06T02:23:46","slug":"spiritual-vs-people-pleaser","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/09\/spiritual-vs-people-pleaser.html","title":{"rendered":"Spiritual vs. People Pleaser"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"sky\"<\/a>Were you brought up with strong religious\/ or spiritual values or developed some in more recent years. If you believe that it\u2019s spiritual to try to be kind to everyone you can get baffled about how to handle feeling used when it seems like people take advantage of your pleasing ways. I have a strong spiritual core and believed that God wanted me to please everyone. People often say they show God\u2019s love by helping others. But, what about being good to you? Kind people need boundaries. When people say they like to be kind to everyone, they forget about themselves. Remember that YOU are part of everyone.<\/p>\n

When religion teaches you to help others, it\u2019s confusing if it hurts or you feel like being nice doesn’t make you feel good. Faithful people should help others AND themselves. You can only do your best and are entitled to take care of you! Helping others should feel good. But it doesn\u2019t when you give and give and give and nobody reciprocates and you feel like you don’t get your needs met. You can be a good person and not help everyone who wants something from you. God wants YOU to be happy too and if too much giving thwarts that, then you need to curtail it.<\/p>\n

Please absorb this: Spiritual does NOT mean being a DoorMat or sacrificing for everyone who wants something. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

People come to my workshops or for counseling and when I advise putting themselves first in their lives they argue that we\u2019re supposed to be nice to everyone. I agree. It\u2019s true we should be nice to everyone, but YOU are part of everyone! I try my best to treat others as I believe God wants me to, but keep ME in the picture. You\u2019re entitled to protect yourself and be kind to you. Taking care of you first leaves more energy for others. Anger at people who don\u2019t return kindness isn\u2019t spiritual. Spiritual also isn\u2019t being a charity for everyone.<\/p>\n

I know that God wants ME included in being good to others. Don\u2019t stop helping people! Find a balance for giving and for getting your needs met too. Now I LOVE to help when possible to be kind, not to score points or have it returned, but I\u2019m nice to me too!
\n**************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.
\nPlease leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Were you brought up with strong religious\/ or spiritual values or developed some in more recent years. If you believe that it\u2019s spiritual to try to be kind to everyone you can get baffled about how to handle feeling used when it seems like people take advantage of your pleasing ways. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4673","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4673"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4673\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4677,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4673\/revisions\/4677"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4673"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4673"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4673"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}