{"id":4585,"date":"2013-08-01T12:01:55","date_gmt":"2013-08-01T16:01:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4585"},"modified":"2013-06-18T16:18:13","modified_gmt":"2013-06-18T20:18:13","slug":"give-yourself-a-confidence-boost","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/08\/give-yourself-a-confidence-boost.html","title":{"rendered":"Give Yourself a Confidence Boost"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Robyn<\/a>Confidence is a big issue for many of us, especially if we\u2019re DoorMats. That\u2019s why I\u2019m happy to have Robyn Hatcher<\/strong><\/a>, founder of SpeakEtc.,<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0 a presentation and communication skills training company which provides group and\u00a0 one-on-one coaching to individuals, corporations and organizations, as my guest today. SpeakEtc. helps clients polish the non-verbal elements of communication \u2013 body language, gestures, vocal quality as well as the verbal \u2013 word choice, content and organization to become more powerful and engaging communicators. Robyn is also author of a new book, Standing Ovation Presentations \u2013 Discover Your Unique<\/strong><\/a>. Here are some of her tips to build confidence:<\/p>\n

Confidence Rx<\/strong>
\n10 Ways to Give Your Confidence a Shot in the Arm<\/em>
\nBy Robyn Hatcher<\/strong><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

We\u2019ve all heard the expression \u2013 \u201cYou never get a second chance to make a first impression.\u201d But did you know it can take up to 12 visits to undo a negative first impression?\u00a0 Whether you\u2019re trying to impress an employer, a client, a prospect or a first date it\u2019s important to project confidence and presence. Two qualities many women struggle with.<\/p>\n

Both confidence and presence are communicated from the inside out and the outside in. So it\u2019s important to learn how to project confidence from the outside \u2013 through your body language and vocal tone and from the inside \u2013 by discovering and celebrating your signature strengths (the strengths that make you special.)\u00a0 Here are 5 inner and 5 outer ways to ramp up your confidence and presence.\"Adobe<\/a><\/p>\n

For Inner confidence:<\/strong>
\n1. Do a thorough self-examination.<\/strong> Many of us have trouble separating our strengths from our job descriptions and if we don\u2019t have a \u201creal job\u201d we have a very hard time owning the qualities that make us special.\u00a0 Here\u2019s one way to help you uncover your signature strengths.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0On a piece of paper, brainstorm a list of all the jobs you\u2019ve ever had including volunteer positions, motherhood and life partnering. Add to that list any activity you\u2019ve ever participated in: chess, athletics, debate, gardening. Then add any committees, boards or clubs you\u2019ve been a member or officer of \u2013 ie. church group, PTA, community organization. (FYI.\u00a0 I honed the majority of my leadership skills as PTA president and as a leader in a religious organization.)<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Then take another piece of paper and list all the strengths and skills you had to use or learn in the jobs or activities on your list. This can include qualities you used during challenges as well as triumphs.\u00a0 Do you rely on your creativity, your honesty, humor, optimism, analytic skills? (If this is hard for you to do on your own, enlist a trusted friend or a circle of friends to give you a list of three positive qualities that they see in you.)<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Are there qualities you wish you had that haven\u2019t made the list? Write those down too.<\/p>\n

2. Invest in yourself<\/strong> \u2013 To polish any skills that need strengthening or to help develop any quality or skill you would like to add, find a coach, trainer, class, or workshop that can help you cultivate or elevate those skills. Most women are terrific at supporting and encouraging others, but will resist investing time or money on supporting and encouraging their own growth. Know that it\u2019s never too late to learn or improve on a skill or strength. And also know that you\u2019re worth the investment. If coaching or training is not your thing, take a dance, acting or improvisation class, sing Karaoke, paint, draw, sculpt, write! Research shows that when we do something creative (even if creativity isn\u2019t one of our top strengths) one of our dominant strengths will jump out to guide us through. Don\u2019t worry about being perfect, these new activities will help you bring out and express your signature strengths.<\/p>\n

3. Adjust your focus<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 Many of us focus\u00a0 so much on whether or not we are going to be liked. Or we focus too much on whether the other person is going to buy from us, hire us or promote us.\u00a0 Being overly focused on being liked or closing a deal can rob you of seeming confident. The surest way to exude confidence and to create a memorable presence is to express interest in other people. Focus on how you are going to engage, encourage, help or inspire other people instead of focusing on what they are thinking about you or what they can do for you. In other words, focus on giving instead of getting.<\/p>\n

4. pAppreciate yourself and cut the crap<\/strong>\u2013 I read a quote on a gratitude website which has become one of my all time favorites \u2013 \u201cWhen you complain, you become a living breathing crap magnet.\u201d Women seem conditioned to dwell on the negative aspects of ourselves and our situation.\u00a0 But as the quote so bluntly states, the more we complain, the more we will find to complain about, and the more we will find ourselves surrounded by other complainers. Express gratitude for the special combination of strengths and challenges you\u2019ve been given. At the end of the day, write down what you’re thankful for and which of your strengths you used that day. Instead of dreading any challenge that lies ahead, list any strength you can use to pull yourself through the challenge you may be facing.<\/p>\n

5. Visualize greatness<\/strong>\u00a0– We usually think we can walk into a room, scope out the situation and adjust ourselves accordingly. But sometimes by then it’s too late to project the confidence or presence you may need. Start visualizing yourself as a shining star before you even leave your house. Read a series of affirmations, a list of\u00a0positive adjectives\u00a0or invent a super confident alter ego. Many people will tell you; \u201cFake it till you make it.\u201d I support the idea behind this advice but have a problem with the expression itself. Words are powerful and let\u2019s be honest, nobody likes a fake. So I prefer to use a phrase I coined, \u201cOwn it while you hone it.\u201d Own the quality you would like to project while you work on improving it.
\nFor Outer Confidence<\/p>\n

6. Dress your strengths<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 Choose a quality about yourself that you are really proud of. Always try to make one style choice that reflects that quality. I recently attended a women’s networking group in New York City and was one of 4 women out of 30 who was wearing COLOR. Yes, I was also wearing the ubiquitous black, but I threw on a bright red flowing rayon\u00a0sweater that communicated both my passion and my easy going nature. Instead of dressing for success all the time, dress to express.<\/p>\n

7. Stand in your power<\/strong>\u00a0– Posture and body language speak volumes. Yes, mom always told you to stand up straight and there’s something to that. However, you don’t want to stand military straight because that can be off-putting. To project confidence – stand with your feet hip distance apart, a slight bend in your knees and your weight slightly forward. This posture gives you a solid base and pitches your body slightly towards the person you’re addressing. And whether sitting or standing, be sure to keep your torso as visible as possible. Folding your arms or any other gesture that covers your torso communicates insecurity. Comfortably displaying your torso shows you\u2019re confident and trustworthy.<\/p>\n

8. Channel your inner Barry White\u00a0<\/strong>– The voice is the second most important part of an effective first impression. You can do all of the above and then open your mouth and totally change a person\u2019s impression of you. Human beings are hard-wired to interpret lower pitched voices as sounding more authoritative and confident. Many women with naturally higher pitched voices need to learn to speak from the diaphragm and lower their pitch in order to sound more confident. Other vocal confidence robbers are: up-speaking – making everything sound like a question and speaking too softly and losing energy at the end of your sentences.\u00a0 If you need help working on any of these vocal issues, pick up my Vocal Workout CD.<\/p>\n

9. Pump up your vocabulary<\/strong> \u2013 Even though almost 90% of your message is communicated through your body language and vocal tone, it doesn\u2019t mean words don\u2019t matter. What people react to in your communication is consistency – do the way you look and sound match the words you are using.\u00a0 You could look super confident and have a commanding voice but if your word choices are weak, boring or confusing, people will begin to reevaluate their first impression of you. Get rid of anemic overused, words like great, nice, awesome and fine and substitute them with richer more evocative language. Choose words that stimulate your listener\u2019s emotions. Think about words and phrases used to describe colors or textures or sounds and see whether you can incorporate some of those words into your communications. But beware of overdoing it! Using inflated, inappropriate word choices or overusing jargon and lingo can make you look like you\u2019re trying way too hard \u2013 the opposite of confidence.<\/p>\n

10. Trim vocab flab<\/strong> – Non-words and minimizing words are huge confidence robbers. Non-words are those pesky fillers that slip out of your mouth when you\u2019re not looking. Like \u201cum, like, so, uh, basically, literally, you know\u2026\u201d and so many others. Instead of using your go-to filler word, breathe and pause. Pausing is powerful. It makes people stop, think and wait for your next word. It shows you have the confidence to trust you can command attention even during silence. You can pause for up to 4 seconds without causing listener discomfort. Minimizing words are those other pesky words we use to mask the fact that we have an opinion and \/or that we are powerful. Instead of using phrases like; \u201cI think I might be ready to\u2026 or I just prepare this little agenda or\u00a0 I kind of like this one\u2026,\u201d take a definite stand. So what if you\u2019re wrong or if someone disagrees. Use stronger phrases like; \u201cI am ready\u201d or \u201cI believe I\u2019m ready.\u201d \u201cI prepared an agenda for our meeting.\u201d \u201cThis one is my favorite and here\u2019s why\u2026\u201d
\n***************
\nGet more great tips from Robyn Hatcher<\/strong><\/a><\/strong>, in her\u00a0 new book, Standing Ovation Presentations \u2013 Discover Your Unique<\/strong><\/a>.<\/strong>
\n****************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Confidence is a big issue for many of us, especially if we\u2019re DoorMats. That\u2019s why I\u2019m happy to have Robyn Hatcher, founder of SpeakEtc.,\u00a0 a presentation and communication skills training company which provides group and\u00a0 one-on-one coaching to individuals, corporations and organizations, as my guest today. SpeakEtc. helps clients polish the non-verbal elements of communication…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,2],"tags":[48,724,725],"class_list":["post-4585","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-confidence","tag-robyn-hatcher","tag-speaking"],"yoast_head":"\nGive Yourself a Confidence Boost - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/08\/give-yourself-a-confidence-boost.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Give Yourself a Confidence Boost - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Confidence is a big issue for many of us, especially if we\u2019re DoorMats. That\u2019s why I\u2019m happy to have Robyn Hatcher, founder of SpeakEtc.,\u00a0 a presentation and communication skills training company which provides group and\u00a0 one-on-one coaching to individuals, corporations and organizations, as my guest today. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4585","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4585"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4585\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4593,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4585\/revisions\/4593"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4585"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4585"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4585"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}