{"id":4508,"date":"2013-07-19T12:01:37","date_gmt":"2013-07-19T16:01:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4508"},"modified":"2013-06-03T23:43:31","modified_gmt":"2013-06-04T03:43:31","slug":"taming-your-inner-nasty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/07\/taming-your-inner-nasty.html","title":{"rendered":"Taming Your Inner Nasty"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Heart<\/a>If you read my columns regularly, you know I encourage building self-love. Yet so many people who think they\u2019re being loving to themselves still allow their inner critic to come out regularly. I still remember the days\u2014painfully\u2014when I found more fault with myself than good. It began right after I woke up. I\u2019d look in the mirror to see what I could find to hate. Bad hair days brought me down. But so did every time I was aware of my cellulite.<\/p>\n

My inner nasty could stop beating me up. That contributed to my low self-esteem and to being a DoorMat. After all, if I saw myself in such a bad light, other people probably thought worse of me. So I had to keep doing things for others to compensate for all the flaws I picked myself apart for. Do you have an inner nasty who knocks you down regularly? Letting your flaws define you feels lousy! It keeps you from loving yourself and also dampens your ability to be happy. After all, how can you be happy if you\u2019re unhappy with yourself?<\/p>\n

Self-love and having good self-esteem require self-acceptance. You don\u2019t have to like everything about you but you can love and accept you the way you are now. I\u2019d love to be thinner and get rid of the jiggly stuff in my belly. And I try to eat healthy and exercise, which slowly improves it. But I still love my body, jiggly, and all, because it\u2019s me and I love me! Trust me, it\u2019s worth the effort to tame your inner nasty and allow self-love to blossom. I don\u2019t believe that they can exist simultaneously. So how do you begin to get your inner nasty under control?<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Decide that you want to<\/strong>. Until you make a conscious decision to stop, you won\u2019t be able to. Change requires a desire to do thing differently. So make the choice to be kinder to you!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Write down the things you appreciate about you<\/strong>. Ask people who love you to point your good qualities out if your inner nasty tries to tell you there\u2019s nothing good about you. Keep it handy. When you start to get self-critical read the list and remind yourself how terrific you are.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Write down what being a best friend means to you.<\/strong> How would you respond to a friend you love if he\/she made a mistake or pointed out flaws? Writing it down helps to recognize what it means to treat yourself as your best friend really mean sink in.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Write yourself a letter of apology<\/strong> for not being as kind as you should be and for all the things you allowed your inner nasty to bring up.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Forgive yourself<\/strong>.\u00a0 Say \u201cI forgive you.\u201d out loud. And mean it. Give yourself a hug after.<\/p>\n

Your inner nasty can have a lot of power if it\u2019s been allowed to go free for a long time. But you can tame it by building self-love by giving yourself more inner kindness.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you read my columns regularly, you know I encourage building self-love. Yet so many people who think they\u2019re being loving to themselves still allow their inner critic to come out regularly. I still remember the days\u2014painfully\u2014when I found more fault with myself than good. It began right after I woke up. I\u2019d look in…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,14,2,15],"tags":[709,710,708],"class_list":["post-4508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-beating-yourself-up","tag-being-your-own-best-friend","tag-self-criticism"],"yoast_head":"\nTaming Your Inner Nasty - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/07\/taming-your-inner-nasty.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Taming Your Inner Nasty - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you read my columns regularly, you know I encourage building self-love. Yet so many people who think they\u2019re being loving to themselves still allow their inner critic to come out regularly. I still remember the days\u2014painfully\u2014when I found more fault with myself than good. It began right after I woke up. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4508","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4508"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4508\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4510,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4508\/revisions\/4510"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4508"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4508"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4508"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}