{"id":4495,"date":"2013-07-15T12:01:34","date_gmt":"2013-07-15T16:01:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4495"},"modified":"2013-06-03T20:15:19","modified_gmt":"2013-06-04T00:15:19","slug":"stop-playing-small","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/07\/stop-playing-small.html","title":{"rendered":"Stop Playing Small!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"wonder\"<\/a>Do you play things smaller than you\u2019re capable of to avoid making someone jealous or intimidated or any other reason? This means trying to minimize your accomplishments when you share what you\u2019ve done.\u00a0 We often do that to please other people or to make them feel better about themselves or because we’ve been taught that being modest makes people like you more. Or, you may do it because you\u2019re afraid that someone won\u2019t like you if they think you\u2019re conceited or hearing about you makes them feel badly about themselves.<\/p>\n

When I was a DoorMat I often kept my abilities quiet in order to not possibly create a problem. DoorMats are very good at downplaying their abilities to make others feel good and it can become an offshoot of people pleasing. Even when I left DoorMatville, I couldn’t shake the habit easily. I remember dating a guy I liked a lot. He was very insecure. Although he had a decent job, he wasn\u2019t following his passions and making money from his artistic talents. My first book was coming out around then. He often asked what someone like me was doing with him.<\/p>\n

He knew I\u2019d been on TV and radio shows and people were talking about my book, while he was in a boring job. I kept reassuring him that he was just as good as me and he shouldn\u2019t feel bad about himself. Then I began to minimize what I did. I reminded him that he had a real job while I hustled as a freelancer. The TV shows were no big deal and maybe my book would flop. Every time we were together I felt a need to act like I\u2019d done nothing special to keep his ego soothed.<\/p>\n

Now I own what I\u2019ve done with pride. When I played small, to help him, it was at my expense. It made me feel lower about me. I don\u2019t deserve that! Neither do you. Now I seek friends, boyfriends, etc. who are proud of me, who I don\u2019t have to shrink for. Women often ask me how an empowered woman can attract a good guy and not intimidate him. As with anyone you just meet, you don\u2019t have to share your whole resume and accomplishments or abilities all at once. Slowly get to know the person and share just a little each time.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s healthier to get to know someone slowly, no matter what the relationship. Sometimes we dive in with someone we like or relate to and tell them our whole life story immediately. I\u2019ve learned that it\u2019s hard to process too much at once. Now I tell a little at a time, giving the person a chance to get to know me for me, not for who I am in my career. And this recovering DoorMat will never play down what I\u2019ve achieved my talents so as not to put someone off. I only want people in my life who accept the whole package of me so I can be myself, not some edited, smaller version of me.<\/p>\n

You owe it to yourself to own all the good that you are and what you\u2019ve done.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you play things smaller than you\u2019re capable of to avoid making someone jealous or intimidated or any other reason? This means trying to minimize your accomplishments when you share what you\u2019ve done.\u00a0 We often do that to please other people or to make them feel better about themselves or because we’ve been taught that…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4495","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first"],"yoast_head":"\nStop Playing Small! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/07\/stop-playing-small.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Stop Playing Small! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Do you play things smaller than you\u2019re capable of to avoid making someone jealous or intimidated or any other reason? 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4495","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4495"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4495\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4497,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4495\/revisions\/4497"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4495"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4495"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4495"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}