{"id":4475,"date":"2013-06-07T12:01:10","date_gmt":"2013-06-07T16:01:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4475"},"modified":"2015-11-30T16:02:26","modified_gmt":"2015-11-30T21:02:26","slug":"17-ways-to-empower-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/06\/17-ways-to-empower-yourself.html","title":{"rendered":"17 Ways to Empower Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"hand<\/a>No one is born feeling self-empowered. Confidence is learned. EVERYONE has fears and insecurities. But, some create a confident fa\u00e7ade. Attractive people at the top of their game share fears and self-loathing at my workshops or during counseling. Nobody feels perfect but some of us magnify our flaws more than others. You CAN empower yourself, step by step, with patience and determination. It can take a while but you can start today to inch your way to becoming self-empowered and break any People Pleasing Habits<\/strong> <\/a>you might have!<\/p>\n

Repeat affirmations<\/strong>. Affirm that you can do what you want, repeatedly, until it sticks. When you have an important meeting to attend or phone call to make, before you leave or call repeat, \u201cI know what I\u2019m doing.\u201d or \u201cI will make a great impression\u201d or \u201cIt will all work out for me.\u201d The more you say an affirmation, the more it will sink in and become true for you. Repeat a positive one until you believe it! Create your own affirmation. \u201cI can do anything I choose.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Build self-appreciation<\/strong>. Self-esteem that\u2019s based on external achievements doesn\u2019t last! Take a personal inventory of your good qualities. Often what you hate blinds you to your great attributes. Become aware of yours by looking for them (ask loved ones for suggestions) and writing them down just to impress yourself. Read it often and let them sink into your consciousness to help you value yourself more. Like any skill, self-appreciation needs regular practice. Read my FREE book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong>, for more suggestions As you begin to own your good qualities with pride, it will reflect in your attitude. \u201cI appreciate the wonderful person that I am.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Accept that no one, including you, is perfect or completely secure.<\/strong> Stop holding yourself to higher standards than others. Striving to be perfect disempowers you. if you wait for perfection to feel good about yourself it will never happen. Since perfection is impossible, you\u2019ll always be going after it and feeling low for not getting it. Even if you do something perfectly, there will be some area that isn\u2019t and it will bring you down. Repeat, \u201cI accept myself in my own imperfect skin.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Take responsibility for your thoughts.<\/strong> It\u2019s YOUR choice to adopt criticism from others as YOUR perception of who you are. Allowing criticism from others to rule your thoughts reflects in your behavior. Remember Eleanor Roosevelt\u2019s wise words \u2013 \u201cNobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.\u201d You CAN choose to brush off criticism and feel good about yourself. Someone may call you ignorant but you\u2019re not unless you decide to agree. \u201cI choose to think well of me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Fake confidence<\/strong>. Rene Descartes said, \u201cI think, therefore I am.\u201d Even if your confidence is shaky, fake it. Practice can make it real! \u201cI think, therefore I am.\u201d You can ACT confident, even if you\u2019re not using many of the other tips. Often the difference between a confident person and you is consciously projecting a self-assured aura. Watch how people who seem confident carry themselves and do what they do. As you convince others, you\u2019ll own it! One day you\u2019ll realize you\u2019re not acting. It\u2019s glorious to grow into confidence. \u201cI think and carry myself like a confident person, therefore I am one.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Be consciously kinder to you<\/strong>. The more you do for you, the better you\u2019ll feel. Each kindness will make you want more. It helps you focus on you and believe that you deserve good. Give yourself a break. when you\u2019re tired. Take a bath. Buy the lotion or coffee that costs a few dollars more than the cheap brand. Self-kindness can blossom into self-love from which self-empowerment can grow. Take The Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>\u2019s pledge to make a 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a>. “I deserve to be treated with kindness.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Practice good posture<\/strong>. That\u2019s easy to fake! Standing tall is a good habit. Straightening your stance feels better physically. I initially developed good posture to avoid back pain and felt more confident by standing straight, arching my shoulders and holding my head high. Make eye contact. Helen Keller said, \u201cNever bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.\u201d Your stance makes a statement. People will buy a confident image if you create good habits. Set a tone for their immediate perception of you. Good posture can make you look and feel more powerful! \u201cI command my power.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Give self-pep talks.<\/strong> Affirm in a mirror that you\u2019re good enough. Recite your positive qualities. Support YOU as you do others. When nervous, repeat, \u201cYou can do it\u201d until you calm down. Tell yourself how terrific you are. It encourages taking a positive step. When you need a confidence boost, affirm, \u201cI\u2019m wonderful and know I\u2019m capable of doing what I need to do.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Stop negative self-talk<\/strong>. \u201cI can\u2019t get taken seriously.\u201d \u201cPeople won\u2019t like me if I stop favors.\u201d Override them with affirmations. \u201cEverything will work out for my good.\u201d Pay attention to any self-defeating thoughts you have. Try hard to be positive. It makes a big difference in your spirit. Talk to yourself like you would to your best friend, not to someone you don\u2019t like. \u201cI deserve to be talked to with a loving attitude.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Control How You Speak<\/strong>. When anxious, you may talk faster. Consciously slowing down and enunciating words offers more control and allows leeway for speeding up if emotions kick in. Managing your pace and enunciating words controls emotions, which helps you feel more confident and sound more serious! Your voice may go higher when you\u2019re frustrated or nervous. Emotions lower credibility if they make you sound squeaky. A quick fix? Begin speaking with your voice lower than usual to allow leeway for when emotions make it rise. Bringing the pitch down sounds more serious. If you speak slower, in a lower pitch and enunciate your words, people will give your words more credibility. It translates into real confidence as you get better responses. \u201cI speak up for myself well<\/em>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Speak with convictio<\/strong>n. You get taken more seriously if there\u2019s conviction in your message\u2014a combo of how you phrase it and how assured you sound. Sounding like you\u2019re just hoping for instead of expecting a positive response doesn\u2019t sound serious.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d like____. Can you get it for me?\u201d can be, \u201cI expect to get the ___. When will you have it?\u201d Show you mean business! Being tentative or wishy-washy won\u2019t generate respect or results. \u201cI do mean business!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Create a support team<\/strong>. Buddy with someone who\u2019s also trying to improve. Talk every day\u2014positively. Cheer each other on. Or, create an informal group of people who meet to encourage each other. Call one when you\u2019re struggling. We benefit from helping each other. Invite pep talks from friends about why you should be empowered. \u201cI deserve to be supported.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Use a firm handshake<\/strong>. A handshake sends a message. Limp ones don\u2019t impress. A firm handshake gets noticed. Practice your grip. Don\u2019t squeeze too hard but let your hand seem confident, even if you\u2019re nervous. Practicing a good handshake can get you more respect from people, which builds confidence for real. A firm grip is easy to fake and makes a solid impression. \u201cI can make a good impression.\u201d <\/em>
\n.
\nLet go of negative people<\/strong>. We absorb other people\u2019s negativity. That\u2019s why it\u2019s good to avoid the negative or toxic ones who bring you down and make you feel like you\u2019re not capable. If you want to keep one in your life, limit time spent with that person. And ask that they not make the negative comments. If they do, leave. Love yourself enough to not allow negative people to hurt you. \u201cI only allow positive people into my life.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Learn more.<\/strong> Do you feel inadequate because there are things you want to do but can’t? Do you want a better job or to fix something on your own? Learn skills! Adult Ed classes and books teach how to do a gazillion things. Learn to do simple plumbing, maintain a website, create a newsletter, etc. You\u2019ll feel more competent. Do computer classes go too fast or confuse you? Are you scared to take auto mechanics? Find an expert for private instructions. Hire a computer whiz college kid for a few bucks to show you. Find the right person to tutor you instead of feeling dumb about not understanding how to do it. Being able to do something you couldn’t makes yo feel more empowered. \u201cI can learn to do anything I choose.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

Learn comfortable ways to say \u201cno.\u201d<\/strong> Saying \u201cno\u201d to what you don\u2019t want to do says \u201cyes\u201d to you, which is very empowering. If you find it hard to turn people down, ask yourself what scares you and what\u2019s the worst that can happen. People who matter to you, and care about you will understand. If it\u2019s too uncomfortable at first, don\u2019t say \u201cno.\u201d Say that you have another commitment. Eventually just say, \u201cI can\u2019t do it.\u201d Most people will accept that if YOU do. Or say you have to check your calendar and will get back to them. then email that it doesn’t work. You can learn to Say “Yes” Slowly<\/strong><\/a>, or turn people down if you don’t rush to answer. You CAN Say “NO!<\/a><\/strong>“\u201cI deserve to be able to turn people down and can do it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Let faith help you through<\/strong>. Faith is your biggest power tool.\u00a0 The more you trust that you\u2019ll be taken care of, the more you\u2019ll be able to relax in that knowledge. Knowing that God, or whatever higher being you believe in, will be with you all the time can seriously boost your ability to empower yourself. Faith helps you have the courage to do what scares you and to believe in your ability to get things done. \u201cI am spiritually supported in whatever I do.\u201d<\/em>
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

No one is born feeling self-empowered. Confidence is learned. EVERYONE has fears and insecurities. But, some create a confident fa\u00e7ade. Attractive people at the top of their game share fears and self-loathing at my workshops or during counseling. Nobody feels perfect but some of us magnify our flaws more than others. You CAN empower yourself,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,1,14,2,15],"tags":[106,48,88],"class_list":["post-4475","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-happiness","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-affirmations","tag-confidence","tag-self-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"\n17 Ways to Empower Yourself - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/preview.beliefnet.com\/Inspiration\/Galleries\/17-Ways-to-Empower-Yourself.aspx\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"17 Ways to Empower Yourself - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"No one is born feeling self-empowered. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4475","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4475"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4475\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5637,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4475\/revisions\/5637"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4475"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4475"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4475"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}