{"id":4431,"date":"2013-06-24T12:01:18","date_gmt":"2013-06-24T16:01:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4431"},"modified":"2013-05-15T14:12:50","modified_gmt":"2013-05-15T18:12:50","slug":"replace-regret-with-finding-blessings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/06\/replace-regret-with-finding-blessings.html","title":{"rendered":"Replace Regret with Finding Blessings"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"dark<\/a>Most of us have some regrets. Maybe you did something that you wish you didn\u2019t do. Or you spent years involved with the wrong person. Or you didn\u2019t go after a job you wish you had. And a million other things. Like guilt, regrets are like rust on your soul in that they eat away at your contentment. And they keep you looking back when you should be focusing on right now. The things you regret belong in the past\u2014when they happened.<\/p>\n

Since you can\u2019t change past action, regret serves no purpose but to corrode your life with thoughts of what it would be like had you not done or said what you did. Having regrets can make you beat yourself up unnecessarily, feel depressed, and not appreciate what you have now. \"sunset\"<\/a> In order to let go of any regrets you may have:<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Acknowledge what you did and that you were trying your best.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Remind yourself that it\u2019s over and that there\u2019s probably nothing you can do to change it. If you said or did something to someone that caused a rift, decide if you want to try to mend the fence now.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Talk it out with a good friend or a spiritual adviser to help you get a fair perspective.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Apologize out loud for doing it and then forgive yourself. We all make mistakes and just as you\u2019d forgive a friend who apologized, give yourself the same courtesy.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Write down everything you feel about it, read it aloud, burn the paper, say “It’s over,” and let it go.<\/p>\n

Look back to find the blessings in your regrets. What good did you get from the person you stayed with for too long? People ask if I regret getting married at twenty when I wasn\u2019t ready for it. It would be easy to say yes, since I lost many years yearning for a different life. But I wouldn\u2019t be who I am today without the growth those years gave me. And I wouldn\u2019t have my beautiful daughter had I not married then. I have a better friendship with my ex now that we\u2019ve both grown up<\/p>\n

Anne Bradstreet said, \u201cIf we had no winter the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Had I not been a DoorMat I wouldn\u2019t appreciate the life I have now nearly as much as if I\u2019d gotten it earlier. And I love myself so much now because I\u2019m so grateful to have found me. Look for the lessons in the things you regret and appreciate them. If you regret leaving a romantic partner because of differences in race, religion, etc., the good you enjoyed is a blessing. And it may have taught you what\u2019s important in someone you get involved with in the future.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s something good in every regret if you look! Then focus on any blessing that you find instead of letting regrets make you feel bad. Love yourself enough not to hurt your soul with regrets. Appreciate that what you don\u2019t like helps you appreciate the good. And accept it’s over so you can move on. Remember this:<\/p>\n

\u201cLife is too ironic to fully understand. It takes sadness to know what happiness is.<\/em>
\n Noise to appreciate silence. And absence to value presence.<\/em>\u201d Unknown<\/p>\n

***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Most of us have some regrets. Maybe you did something that you wish you didn\u2019t do. Or you spent years involved with the wrong person. Or you didn\u2019t go after a job you wish you had. And a million other things. Like guilt, regrets are like rust on your soul in that they eat away…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,14,2,15],"tags":[695,696],"class_list":["post-4431","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-happiness","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-regret","tag-self-forgiveness"],"yoast_head":"\nReplace Regret with Finding Blessings - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/06\/replace-regret-with-finding-blessings.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Replace Regret with Finding Blessings - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Most of us have some regrets. Maybe you did something that you wish you didn\u2019t do. Or you spent years involved with the wrong person. Or you didn\u2019t go after a job you wish you had. And a million other things. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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