{"id":4402,"date":"2013-06-10T12:01:31","date_gmt":"2013-06-10T16:01:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4402"},"modified":"2013-06-03T16:15:26","modified_gmt":"2013-06-03T20:15:26","slug":"question-what-can-i-do-with-a-friend-whos-nice-and-hurtful","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/06\/question-what-can-i-do-with-a-friend-whos-nice-and-hurtful.html","title":{"rendered":"Question: What Can I Do with a Friend Who\u2019s Nice and Hurtful"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Question<\/a>A reader who I\u2019ll refer to as P. wrote to ask why people think they can treat you nice one minute and then become hurtful. Her friend picks on her unfairly, calling her stupid and other names. She hurls insults at P. for little things, like forgetting something, even things she herself does. One minute this friend can be nice and the next she blows things P. does out of proportion in mean ways. P. said she has to accept her \u201cquirky ways\u201d to remain friends with her but said it\u2019s a challenge to do so. She\u2019s taking a break from her for a while.<\/p>\n

In my opinion, the friend isn’t quirky. She’s nasty. P. is wondering what she can do to accept her friend. I always recommend dropping friend like that permanently, not just for a while. But if you have a friend like that and would like to at least try to change the dynamics, you can speak to her and set a boundary. Write down some very specific things your friend has done that hurts you. Bring it with you when you speak to her. Find a peaceful time to talk. Try to stay friendly. Being confrontational will make her defensive.<\/p>\n

Tell her honestly that you don’t like when she behaves like this and will walk away when she does it in the future. If she doesn\u2019t like what you say explain that the choice is hers. You don\u2019t want to end the friendship but you can no longer tolerate unacceptable behavior. Is she willing to make an effort or would she rather you stop interaction with her? Let her know that if her friendship didn\u2019t mean so much to you, you\u2019d have just dropped her. So you\u2019d appreciate her seriously considering what you\u2019re sharing.<\/p>\n

If she goes on the defensive or verbally attacks you, walk away and don\u2019t look back. I\u2019ve had to let go of good friends who had a mean streak or didn\u2019t know what being a friend meant when they pushed me too far.\u00a0 It can hurt to let go of someone you want in your life but remind yourself that you don\u2019t want to be treated badly. You DESERVE better treatment! Love yourself enough to cut your losses if your friend doesn\u2019t want to change.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A reader who I\u2019ll refer to as P. wrote to ask why people think they can treat you nice one minute and then become hurtful. Her friend picks on her unfairly, calling her stupid and other names. She hurls insults at P. for little things, like forgetting something, even things she herself does. One minute…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[45,687],"class_list":["post-4402","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-friendship","tag-nasty-friends"],"yoast_head":"\nQuestion: What Can I Do with a Friend Who\u2019s Nice and Hurtful - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/06\/question-what-can-i-do-with-a-friend-whos-nice-and-hurtful.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Question: What Can I Do with a Friend Who\u2019s Nice and Hurtful - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A reader who I\u2019ll refer to as P. wrote to ask why people think they can treat you nice one minute and then become hurtful. Her friend picks on her unfairly, calling her stupid and other names. She hurls insults at P. for little things, like forgetting something, even things she herself does. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4402","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4402"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4402\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4481,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4402\/revisions\/4481"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4402"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4402"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4402"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}