{"id":4292,"date":"2013-05-03T12:01:33","date_gmt":"2013-05-03T16:01:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4292"},"modified":"2013-04-15T15:03:33","modified_gmt":"2013-04-15T19:03:33","slug":"handling-someone-who-takes-all-the-credit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/handling-someone-who-takes-all-the-credit.html","title":{"rendered":"Handling Someone Who Takes All the Credit"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Whether at work or play, there are people who step up to the plate when praise is given, even if you were the key part of it and they rode your coattails. That can create bad felings if it\u2019s done to you, plus it isn\u2019t fair to not get the acknowledgement you deserve. And it\u2019s hard to figure out how to address it without making a scene or causing a problem. But there are many \u201cnice\u201d ways to handle it.<\/p>\n

When I was a DoorMat I thought being modest would make people like me more so I let others take credit for things I did with my efforts, or my talents. It never occurred to me to speak up or share what I\u2019d done. I thought of myself as a team player, even if I was the only one on the team who did the work. But\u00a0 deep down I felt angry when I saw praise being lavished on someone who took credit for what I did. I woke up when I did volunteer work for an organization and put their events together, mostly by myself.<\/p>\n

Each time I sat at a meeting and heard the other volunteers congratulate each other for another successful event, it stirred anger, since none of them did anything. I still remember when someone volunteered to organize a workshop. I was happy that someone else was doing it. But then she called. She couldn’t get any speakers. Could I help? I got her all of them. The she\u00a0 couldn\u2019t get a venue to have it in. I used one of my contacts and got them to volunteer space. The event was a success but at the next meeting, everyone praised the woman I\u2019d done the work for. She sat there glowing and never mentioned my part, which was everything except coming up with the idea.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t make a fuss but shortly after I stepped down from that committee. When they asked who would handle the events I just smiled sweetly said that since they all take credit for my hard work and don\u2019t seem to appreciate me, they can surely actually do something. It was a big turning point for me. From then on I made sure to not let that happen again. Now if someone doesn\u2019t give me the credit I deserve, I ask them why after. You don\u2019t have to be hostile but it\u2019s important to not let it slide. Otherwise it can become a habit.<\/p>\n

This happened to Julie. Whenever she went out to eat with her parents and cousins, her sister picked up the check and everyone thanked her profusely. Afterward, she\u2019d whisper to Julie that she should give her half the money. Julie didn\u2019t mind splitting the check but no one ever knew she did. When she told me about it, she was seething that she was paying half the bill while her sister looked like a big shot. She had caught herself from exploding the last time but needed to do something. At my suggestion, I told her to speak to her sister in a nice tone and explain you don\u2019t like chipping in for dinner and getting no thanks from everyone since she lets them think she\u2019s doing all the treating.<\/p>\n

Her sister got the message and the next time she told the family that Julie was also paying for dinner, and had each time. Julie felt better from having spoken up. Since you deserve credit for what you do, it\u2019s important to speak up. But do it in a friendly way, assuming that the person doesn\u2019t realize what they’re doing. If a colleague or your boss takes credit for your ideas, take the person aside and say that you were disappointed for not being acknowledged for your part. Ask how that can be prevented next time. Once the person knows it\u2019s harder to ignore doing so.<\/p>\n

While we don\u2019t need to get acknowledged for every little thing we do, notice when it bothers you not to be. Then say something. Or give yourself credit. I once came up with the idea for a theme for a friend\u2019s son\u2019s birthday party. It was a huge success and everyone told her how clever she was. She just said thank you. So I began telling people how I came up with the idea.\u00a0 Find whatever makes you feel better and do it. People won\u2019t know it bothers you unless you tell them. It\u2019s so empowering to speak up for yourself!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Whether at work or play, there are people who step up to the plate when praise is given, even if you were the key part of it and they rode your coattails. That can create bad felings if it\u2019s done to you, plus it isn\u2019t fair to not get the acknowledgement you deserve. And it\u2019s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2],"tags":[662,153,663],"class_list":["post-4292","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-modesty","tag-speaking-up","tag-taking-credit-for-your-work"],"yoast_head":"\nHandling Someone Who Takes All the Credit - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/handling-someone-who-takes-all-the-credit.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Handling Someone Who Takes All the Credit - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Whether at work or play, there are people who step up to the plate when praise is given, even if you were the key part of it and they rode your coattails. That can create bad felings if it\u2019s done to you, plus it isn\u2019t fair to not get the acknowledgement you deserve. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4292","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4292"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4292\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4293,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4292\/revisions\/4293"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4292"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4292"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4292"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}