{"id":4279,"date":"2013-09-06T12:01:51","date_gmt":"2013-09-06T16:01:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4279"},"modified":"2013-06-20T11:42:22","modified_gmt":"2013-06-20T15:42:22","slug":"you-know-youre-happy-because","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/09\/you-know-youre-happy-because.html","title":{"rendered":"You Know You\u2019re Happy Because\u2026\u2026."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Can you actually say that you\u2019re happy? Saying \u201cyes\u201d to that question seems to be more automatic than heartfelt to most people. It\u2019s like we think that we\u2019re \u201csupposed to be\u201d happy and don\u2019t want to look bad for answering \u201cno.\u201d But too often the real happiness isn\u2019t there. When a counseling client says they\u2019re happy, I ask why? They usually don\u2019t understand the question. So I ask them to fill in the blank:<\/p>\n

I know I\u2019m happy because______.<\/p>\n

They get confused. I explain it\u2019s good for everyone to actually look deep inside of you and identify why you\u2019re happy. It\u2019s so easy to say, \u201cSure I\u2019m happy\u201d but harder to actually figure out why. But it\u2019s important to do so. It\u2019s similar to counting your blessings but connecting different aspects of your life to your happiness. Many people come up with factors that are external and those kinds of things don\u2019t contribute to true happiness.<\/p>\n

I hear things like:\u00a0 \u201cI know I\u2019m happy because I make a lot of money.\u201d The material things that money buys give you happy moments when you buy them but they don\u2019t create an overall feeling of happiness. And if you count on making lots of money to be happy, it puts pressure on you to perform well at work and if you lose your job, bye, bye happiness! Many people attribute their happiness to their romantic partner. But that makes someone else responsible for you being happy, which can also cause stress if a problem arises between you. And if you break up, there goes your happiness!<\/p>\n

It\u2019s so much better to find or create reasons to be happy that YOU control. These are things that don\u2019t depend on outside factors or other people. My own main answers to \u201cI know I\u2019m happy because______.\u201d are:<\/p>\n

* I love me! Being content with who you are is a big source of joy. Loving me motivates me to be kind to me, which I enjoy. Self-love keeps the negative self-talk\u2014beating yourself up for not being perfect, finding fault with your looks, anger if you make a mistake, etc.\u2014at bay, since that\u2019s unloving and also diminishes happiness.<\/p>\n

* I have strong faith. Knowing that I can count on spiritual support helps me to relax with life\u2019s road bumps. Being able to turn to God, or whatever higher being you believe in, helps life to flow in happier ways. It allows you to take more risks that can improve your life. Plus, when you use the Law of Attraction to your advantage, you\u2019ll attract a\u00a0 lot more things that add\u00a0 to your already happy life.<\/p>\n

* I have so much to be grateful or\u2014good health, a wonderful living space, good friends, a career I love, an optimistic nature, and many more blessings. Being conscious of all the things you have that you can feel grateful for nourishes happiness.<\/p>\n

* I like the person I\u2019ve evolved into after hating myself for years and it\u2019s such a joy to really like me now. This is different than self-love. Even though I\u2019m older, I\u2019m happy with how I look and am thrilled with the woman I\u2019ve become. It\u2019s taken many years to go from DoorMatville to a happy place and I truly appreciate it. When you make an effort to improve yourself, the results reinforce happiness.<\/p>\n

Appreciation is key for happiness. When you\u2019re trying to come up with how you know you\u2019re happy, think about what you appreciate in your life that you created or that doesn\u2019t depend on other people or things you can buy. The more you appreciate you and your life, the happier you\u2019ll become.<\/p>\n

So, fill in the blank: \u201cI know I\u2019m happy because______.\u201d Please share some of your answers in the comments below!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Can you actually say that you\u2019re happy? Saying \u201cyes\u201d to that question seems to be more automatic than heartfelt to most people. It\u2019s like we think that we\u2019re \u201csupposed to be\u201d happy and don\u2019t want to look bad for answering \u201cno.\u201d But too often the real happiness isn\u2019t there. When a counseling client says they\u2019re…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,15],"tags":[973],"class_list":["post-4279","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-happiness","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-happiness"],"yoast_head":"\nYou Know You\u2019re Happy Because\u2026\u2026. - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/09\/you-know-youre-happy-because.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"You Know You\u2019re Happy Because\u2026\u2026. - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Can you actually say that you\u2019re happy? Saying \u201cyes\u201d to that question seems to be more automatic than heartfelt to most people. It\u2019s like we think that we\u2019re \u201csupposed to be\u201d happy and don\u2019t want to look bad for answering \u201cno.\u201d But too often the real happiness isn\u2019t there. 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Saying \u201cyes\u201d to that question seems to be more automatic than heartfelt to most people. It\u2019s like we think that we\u2019re \u201csupposed to be\u201d happy and don\u2019t want to look bad for answering \u201cno.\u201d But too often the real happiness isn\u2019t there. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4279","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4279"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4279\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4429,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4279\/revisions\/4429"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4279"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4279"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4279"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}