{"id":4269,"date":"2013-05-06T12:01:22","date_gmt":"2013-05-06T16:01:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4269"},"modified":"2013-04-03T17:10:57","modified_gmt":"2013-04-03T21:10:57","slug":"question-how-do-i-set-boundaries-with-my-boss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/question-how-do-i-set-boundaries-with-my-boss.html","title":{"rendered":"QUESTION: How Do I Set Boundaries with My Boss?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Shana wrote to ask me how to tell her boss not to call her regularly at night and on weekends. She said he can never find things and hounds her with questions that aren\u2019t urgent. She\u2019s tired of feeling like she\u2019s working during her off hours but doesn\u2019t want to hurt her otherwise good relationship with her boss. And it\u2019s upsetting her kids. She wants to know \u201cHow can I stop him from emailing and calling me after hours?\u201d<\/p>\n

Many of us, especially if we\u2019re people pleasers, are scared to set boundaries at work. You may want to seem like a team player and a cooperative colleague. So you go along with what\u2019s asked of\u00a0 you, even if you think it\u2019s unfair and it makes you angry. Women especially are taught to be agreeable and may be hesitant to rock the boat. But that\u2019s the DoorMat mentality! I relate as I went along with anything people wanted in my DoorMat days. I\u2019d be unhappy and resentful but did what was asked of me. Now I\u2019ve learned thatsetting and sticking to boundareis at appropriate times is not only my right, but it makes me empowered.<\/p>\n

People actually have more respect for those who stand up for themselves. It feels good to set limitations on what people should expect from you. Often the people who you see as taking advantage aren\u2019t doing anything wrong. They\u2019re just asking for what you\u2019ve always agreed to and might not know it bothers you if you don\u2019t speak up. Often we get angry at being treated in ways that our response says is okay and people don\u2019t know better. It\u2019s up to you to show people what\u2019s appropriate in your eyes, and what isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

One option is don\u2019t answer the phone. Nicely explain to your boss that you need downtime during your time off so you don\u2019t want to check emails or even answer your phone.\u00a0 Gently say that you\u2019ll be happy to help him first thing Monday when you get in since none of what \u2018s asked of you is urgent. Try to be up front about wanting your time off to be free of work stuff, unless it\u2019s s real emergency. Drop the upsetting your kids card. That\u2019s a very legitimate issue that few would argue with. Your boss needs to be taught what the boundaries are since you\u2019ve had none until now.<\/p>\n

Keep a smile on your face and nicely say something like, \u201cI\u2019m sure that you understand why my free time is very important for my mental health. When I have this time I function better during work hours. I\u2019d appreciate your respecting that I\u2019d like to keep work issues to my work hours.\u201d Occasionally take a call but get off the phone fast. Don\u2019t answer emails during off hours. Your boss will slowly get used to the new boundaries if you set them nicely but with a firm intent.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Shana wrote to ask me how to tell her boss not to call her regularly at night and on weekends. She said he can never find things and hounds her with questions that aren\u2019t urgent. She\u2019s tired of feeling like she\u2019s working during her off hours but doesn\u2019t want to hurt her otherwise good relationship…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2],"tags":[657,658],"class_list":["post-4269","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-setting-boundareis","tag-tough-boss"],"yoast_head":"\nQUESTION: How Do I Set Boundaries with My Boss? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/question-how-do-i-set-boundaries-with-my-boss.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"QUESTION: How Do I Set Boundaries with My Boss? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Shana wrote to ask me how to tell her boss not to call her regularly at night and on weekends. She said he can never find things and hounds her with questions that aren\u2019t urgent. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4269","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4269"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4269\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4273,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4269\/revisions\/4273"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4269"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4269"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4269"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}