{"id":4264,"date":"2013-05-10T12:01:09","date_gmt":"2013-05-10T16:01:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4264"},"modified":"2013-03-29T23:22:44","modified_gmt":"2013-03-30T03:22:44","slug":"standing-up-to-aggressive-types","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html","title":{"rendered":"Standing Up to Aggressive Types"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Some people are used to bullying. And it\u2019s hard to stand up to them because it could be intimidating. I was bullied a little in middle school and got others to stand up for me because I was too scared to stand up for myself. Some tough words or threats made me try to hide behind my people pleasing ways. No more!<\/p>\n

In my post, Behind the Face of a Bully<\/strong><\/a> I talked about how I saw the girl who bullied me at my school reunion and how she confessed that she acted tough to keep from being bullied herself. That can be a way to keep from being bullied. I found the best way is to try to stand up to someone who\u2019s trying to intimidate me. I refuse to cower or give in on autopilot. While I don\u2019t want to fight with anyone, I take each instance on its own merit and decide how to handle it.<\/p>\n

For example, I like to run regularly in Central Park on an exercise path and tend to adhere to the rule commonly used–stay to the right. Not everyone does but I believe that’s the norm. One day as I jogged on the right side of the path, a big guy came toward me in the same lane\u2014his left. This happens all the time. I even stay in that lane if no one id coming towards me. But normally the person on the left moves right as a courtesy, me included. But not Big Guy. He came straight toward me. I was in a flow and continued straight toward him, figuring one of us would move before we crashed.<\/p>\n

In the past I\u2019d have deferred to him, even though I believe everyone should keep right. As I stayed my course, he swerved before we collided, and was raging. He yelled at me, \u201cYou must be used to always getting your way!\u201d I smiled instead of asking why he expected me to move when he was on the wrong side. Big Guy was the one used to getting his way and it angered him that I \u201cwon.\u201d Women are still expected to defer. I felt empowered by holding my ground, silently. I forced myself not to make a retort back. In the old days I would have needed to say something back or to defend myself. But now that I\u2019m empowered, I also have self-control.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t need to prove myself and knew yelling back at him would do nothing positive for me, so I just smiled and kept going. I couldn\u2019t stop smiling for a while because it felt so good to hold my ground and not get knocked down. I also laughed at his absurd comment. Of course we shouldn\u2019t put ourselves in jeopardy by standing up to a bully type. But usually bullies have their limits and sometimes you can get your way if you stay your course like I did. I choose my battles and had he not moved when he did, I would have. It\u2019s not worth getting hurt over. But It\u2019s good to test people, and yourself, to stand up for yourself when you can. And it\u2019s a great confidence booster!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some people are used to bullying. And it\u2019s hard to stand up to them because it could be intimidating. I was bullied a little in middle school and got others to stand up for me because I was too scared to stand up for myself. Some tough words or threats made me try to hide…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2],"tags":[655,654,656],"class_list":["post-4264","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-aggressive-people","tag-bully","tag-tanding-up-for-yourself"],"yoast_head":"\nStanding Up to Aggressive Types - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Standing Up to Aggressive Types - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Some people are used to bullying. And it\u2019s hard to stand up to them because it could be intimidating. I was bullied a little in middle school and got others to stand up for me because I was too scared to stand up for myself. Some tough words or threats made me try to hide…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-05-10T16:01:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-03-30T03:22:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/06\/running-300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Standing Up to Aggressive Types - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Standing Up to Aggressive Types - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Some people are used to bullying. And it\u2019s hard to stand up to them because it could be intimidating. I was bullied a little in middle school and got others to stand up for me because I was too scared to stand up for myself. Some tough words or threats made me try to hide…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2013-05-10T16:01:09+00:00","article_modified_time":"2013-03-30T03:22:44+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/06\/running-300x200.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html","name":"Standing Up to Aggressive Types - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/06\/running-300x200.jpg","datePublished":"2013-05-10T16:01:09+00:00","dateModified":"2013-03-30T03:22:44+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/06\/running-300x200.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/06\/running-300x200.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/standing-up-to-aggressive-types.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Standing Up to Aggressive Types"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4264","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4264"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4264\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4308,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4264\/revisions\/4308"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4264"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4264"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4264"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}