{"id":4210,"date":"2013-04-15T12:01:45","date_gmt":"2013-04-15T16:01:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4210"},"modified":"2013-03-25T23:21:10","modified_gmt":"2013-03-26T03:21:10","slug":"question-why-dont-people-keep-their-word","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/04\/question-why-dont-people-keep-their-word.html","title":{"rendered":"Question: Why Don\u2019t People Keep Their Word?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I hear it all the time. It\u2019s a common complaint on a variety of levels. \u201cWhy can\u2019t people keep their word?\u201d People are stymied, frustrated, alarmed, disgusted, and generating many other negative emotions because someone they believed didn\u2019t follow through on what they said. When you believe what someone says and they don\u2019t come through, it can be a big let down.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been one of those let down people many times. Because I did my best to keep my own word, I expected other people to do that too. When I was a DoorMat, I tried to be a perfect friend so I\u2019d jump though hoops to do what I said would, even if it was hard. So how could people so easily forget what they promised me? I\u2019d stew often over this confusing issue. These people weren\u2019t bad or mean. They\u2019d often just speak and then forget. And they were surprised at how seriously I\u2019d taken what they said when I questioned them.<\/p>\n

Since then I\u2019ve learned it\u2019s best not to take it personally when someone says they\u2019ll do something and it doesn\u2019t materialize.<\/p>\n

People have their issues about why they say things they won\u2019t do. Over the years as I\u2019ve interviewed people for my books, I asked for reasons this happens. The most important thing to understand is that other people aren\u2019t you. And their priorities aren\u2019t yours. They usually mean what they say at the time but then their own lives get in the way. Getting very busy can make someone else\u2019s needs less important. It\u2019s easy to forget what\u2019s not important to you.<\/p>\n

Needing the contact for something you want is VERY important to you. When someone you\u2019re speaking with says they have a connection and can help you, they probably mean it at the time. You get very excited and make all sorts of plans to use the contact they hook you up with. When it doesn\u2019t happen, you feel bad or angry that now you can\u2019t move forward. Meanwhile, the person who promised the contact can\u2019t relate to how important it was to you. He just doesn\u2019t have the time to pursue it for you. Or she can\u2019t even remember your conversation since it wasn\u2019t important to her.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve learned you can\u2019t just count on what someone says for something important. I keep going until the person follows through.<\/p>\n

Sometimes people say what they don\u2019t mean because you\u2019re in their face wanting something and they don\u2019t know what else to say. You may meet a publicist for a celebrity you want to contact and put them on the spot to connect you. They don\u2019t want to say yes but find it awkward to say no. So they\u2019re agreeable, which gets you hyped up, and then they don\u2019t take your calls. It really makes sense, since dealing with someone who wants something from you can be uncomfortable. It\u2019s logical to tell you what you want to hear at that moment.<\/p>\n

This is also true in the complaint of many women\u2014\u201cWhy dos he say he\u2019ll call and then doesn\u2019t?\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve asked this question and interviewed many men about it. They tell me that when a woman they\u2019re out with is looking at them with that \u201cplease say you\u2019ll call\u201d look in their eyes, it\u2019s hard to know what to say or not say. Many admit to being cowards and find it more comfortable to say they\u2019ll call and not have to tell her he\u2019s not interested. They figure she\u2019ll realize that when he doesn\u2019t call. It\u2019s not right but I know how I used to be when I dated and how I\u2019d be waiting to hear those words when we said good night. While in the long run I\u2019d rather he be honest, it feels lousy to have a guy say he doesn\u2019t plan to call.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s hard to find a \u201cgood\u201d way to be honest when what you feel isn\u2019t what the person wants to hear.<\/p>\n

Next time someone doesn\u2019t keep their word, think about what you might have said or done to put them on the spot to agree to what they said. Did you push for them to say they\u2019d help or did you have an attitude that begged them to say yes? I know I\u2019ve done that to people who later disappear. While it\u2019s wrong to not keep your word, sometimes our pushing or asking too much makes people give lip service to get away in a peaceful way.<\/p>\n

People mean well most of the time (I’d still like to think so), but get distracted by various things in their lives. Since they usually put themselves first, promises to you may get lost in the clutter of their lives. Unless it\u2019s someone close to you, don\u2019t put too much into wonderful promises. People will go on talking off the tops of their heads, meaning everything at the time, but forgetting their words not long after they’re spoken. They’re not bad people but they don’t prove themselves as friends. Know the difference!<\/p>\n

People have to earn your trust and if they haven\u2019t, take what they say with a box of salt. No matter what, make sure you keep your own word.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I hear it all the time. It\u2019s a common complaint on a variety of levels. \u201cWhy can\u2019t people keep their word?\u201d People are stymied, frustrated, alarmed, disgusted, and generating many other negative emotions because someone they believed didn\u2019t follow through on what they said. 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It\u2019s a common complaint on a variety of levels. \u201cWhy can\u2019t people keep their word?\u201d People are stymied, frustrated, alarmed, disgusted, and generating many other negative emotions because someone they believed didn\u2019t follow through on what they said. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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