{"id":4184,"date":"2013-04-12T12:01:02","date_gmt":"2013-04-12T16:01:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4184"},"modified":"2013-03-25T14:08:48","modified_gmt":"2013-03-25T18:08:48","slug":"removing-the-rose-colored-glasses","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/04\/removing-the-rose-colored-glasses.html","title":{"rendered":"Removing The Rose Colored Glasses"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>How nice are you? Are you so nice that you have negative emotions toward people who don\u2019t appreciate you the way you feel you should be appreciated? Do you really think that it\u2019s nice to feel that way for being nice? It\u2019s not! Feeling used, taken for granted and unappreciated usually means that your version of being nice is also being a people pleaser or a DoorMat.<\/p>\n

In my days of being a DoorMat, I complained as much as I gave to people and saw myself as the nice girl who people took advantage of and rarely returned my favors. I never really felt good about giving because it didn\u2019t get me what I wanted from the people I gave to. I\u2019d lament often that I was such a nice person and should get better from people.<\/p>\n

* Why weren\u2019t people nice to me?
\n* Why didn\u2019t they do things the way I did?
\n* Why didn\u2019t I have the kind of support I gave to people?<\/p>\n

Those kinds statements are common from clients and people in my classes. they’ve painted their view of the world in rose colors and can’t understand why others don’t match their expectations of how they’re convinced people should behave. And like me, they feel angry about it. People often come to my Nice People Can Finish First workshops and declare that they don\u2019t want to be nice anymore.<\/p>\n

They\u2019re sick of not getting what they think they should for all they do and are convinced that nice people always finish last. That was me too in my DoorMat days. But this isn\u2019t true. I\u2019m still very nice but I finish first now that I\u2019ve changed my attitude and removed my rose colored glasses. I had to stop seeing the world though the vision of my belief that everyone should be “nice” like me and accept that even if you give and give and give, no on is required to give or do or act the way you do, even it you think it\u2019s the \u2018nice\u201d way to be.<\/p>\n

Self-proclaimed “nice people” want their reality to be the way they think it should be. People who complain about being nice are often nice because they think everyone should be nice to others, and they feel if they keep being nice, others will eventually get the message and join\u00a0 in. Forget it! I’ve been there, done that. It will never happen! These nice people always ask “Why do people do (this) or don’t do (that)? It’s common courtesy to be considerate. . .nice. . .etc..”<\/p>\n

My answer is they don\u2019t have to, just because you think they should and you try to show them the \u201cnice\u201d way to be.\u00a0 Not everyone sees things the way you do and you have to accept it or spend your life fighting the way it is. When you stop blindly following emotional paths and use both your head and heart to make decisions, you\u2019ll make better choices. You can still be nice but put a lot more into being nice to yourself and setting boundaries. Looking at the world through rose colored glasses isn\u2019t realistic.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t change anyone but yourself. If you don\u2019t like how people treat you, remember it\u2019s YOUR choice to try to please everyone And it can be YOUR choice to stop. If you get more realistic about what you should expect from others, you can also get more realistic about what others should expect from you. Then you can set boundaries that feel better.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How nice are you? Are you so nice that you have negative emotions toward people who don\u2019t appreciate you the way you feel you should be appreciated? Do you really think that it\u2019s nice to feel that way for being nice? It\u2019s not! Feeling used, taken for granted and unappreciated usually means that your version…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[644,499],"class_list":["post-4184","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-accepting-life","tag-being-nice"],"yoast_head":"\nRemoving The Rose Colored Glasses - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/04\/removing-the-rose-colored-glasses.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Removing The Rose Colored Glasses - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How nice are you? Are you so nice that you have negative emotions toward people who don\u2019t appreciate you the way you feel you should be appreciated? Do you really think that it\u2019s nice to feel that way for being nice? It\u2019s not! 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4184","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4184"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4184\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4186,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4184\/revisions\/4186"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4184"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4184"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4184"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}