{"id":4150,"date":"2013-04-08T12:01:41","date_gmt":"2013-04-08T16:01:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4150"},"modified":"2013-03-20T23:18:07","modified_gmt":"2013-03-21T03:18:07","slug":"feelings-vs-reality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/04\/feelings-vs-reality.html","title":{"rendered":"Feelings vs. Reality"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>We all get scared or anxious sometimes. But some of us wallow in those negative emotions as a lifestyle. Do you focus on \u201cwhat ifs\u201d so much that it seems like the definite outcome of something that worries you? Projecting beliefs about the unknown creates great anxiety and holds you back from doing things you\u2019d really like to do. Negative feelings can morph from \u201cwhat if?\u201d to \u201cthis will probably happen to \u201cI know this is what will happen.\u201d But since you don\u2019t have a crystal ball, what you see as true is just conjecture using a lens your imagination looks through. It can go like this:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0My boss has been cooler lately and hasn\u2019t mentioned me getting promoted when Ben leaves.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0It leads to: I must have done something my boos didn\u2019t like and now he doesn\u2019t like me as much.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0And then it turns into: I\u2019ve screwed up my chances here. Why didn\u2019t my boss have the courtesy to discuss the problem with me?
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0And then you end up angry and resentful. It reflects in your attitude at work and people notice it.<\/p>\n

This is a common type of scenario that happens when you let your feelings and fears create a false reality. Later you find out that your boss\u2019 wife was in the hospital, which is why he seemed distant and his priority was on visiting her and praying for her recovery. Meanwhile Ben, whose position you wanted, stayed an extra month so the job was pushed back. That was the reality. But you created one where you felt like a victim and could have lost your job because of the attitude you had at work caused by the distorted picture of what was happening that your feelings created.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to stay grounded in what\u2019s actually going on instead of letting your fears and anxiety about a situation conjure up something much worse than reality. When you feel an emotional response, try to catch yourself and ask what\u2019s the reality right now. If someone treats you differently they might have something going on that has nothing to do with you. When I was a DoorMat I\u2019d get paranoid if someone didn\u2019t call or something changed. I was so insecure I always assumed the worst.<\/p>\n

When you don\u2019t think much of yourself it\u2019s easier to assume you did something wrong but in most cases, the reality is that you didn\u2019t. Keeping your emotions in check so they don\u2019t distort your reality will help you to keep your anxiety down and see situations as they really are. It’s also more self-loving than getting worked up with emotions.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We all get scared or anxious sometimes. But some of us wallow in those negative emotions as a lifestyle. Do you focus on \u201cwhat ifs\u201d so much that it seems like the definite outcome of something that worries you? Projecting beliefs about the unknown creates great anxiety and holds you back from doing things you\u2019d…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[413,88],"class_list":["post-4150","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-emotions","tag-self-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"\nFeelings vs. Reality - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/04\/feelings-vs-reality.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Feelings vs. Reality - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We all get scared or anxious sometimes. But some of us wallow in those negative emotions as a lifestyle. Do you focus on \u201cwhat ifs\u201d so much that it seems like the definite outcome of something that worries you? 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4150","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4150"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4150\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4154,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4150\/revisions\/4154"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4150"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4150"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4150"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}