{"id":4146,"date":"2013-05-24T12:01:15","date_gmt":"2013-05-24T16:01:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4146"},"modified":"2013-04-19T10:56:08","modified_gmt":"2013-04-19T14:56:08","slug":"giving-yourself-space","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/giving-yourself-space.html","title":{"rendered":"Giving Yourself Space"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Many of us think that not having activity going on around us is uncomfortable. We don\u2019t know how to handle silence or having a little time with nothing specific to do. When I was a DoorMat, I couldn\u2019t handle what I thought of as \u201cempty pockets of time and space\u201d in my life. If I was with someone and neither of us were talking, I\u2019d jump in to say something because I saw it as awkward to be with someone and not talk. And if I had some free time, I didn\u2019t know what to do with myself.<\/p>\n

When there was no one around I\u2019d immediately call someone to chat with. I couldn\u2019t deal with just my own company. I often hear from people who feel the same way. A big factor is feeling not worthy of loving. I guess if I didn\u2019t feel good enough for other people why would I want to be alone with just me? Silence was scary. Free time felt lonely.<\/p>\n

Since I began to love myself, I\u2019ve learned that free time and silence are lovely buffers against feeling stressed or\u00a0 overwhelmed. The more you spend quiet time alone, the more you get used to it. I could never sit with my eyes closed and just breathe, not less meditate when I wasn\u2019t comfortable in my own skin. Now that I am, I appreciate taking a few minutes to just be\u2014to sit quietly and focus on my breathing. It relaxes me. When you can do this, you begin to own yourself and the space needed to decompress and commune with yourself.<\/p>\n

It can take a while to get comfortable with sitting with a loved one without having to say a word or being alone with yourself and appreciating it. But it\u2019s worth the effort. I used to treat people to dinner or a movie just to avoid being alone. Now I know I\u2019m never alone when I\u2019m with me. You don\u2019t have to stay busy all the time. When you are, it may feel like you\u2019re filling up a void. But you\u2019re really dodging yourself. The busier you are, the less you have to pay attention to yourself. But you\u2019re the most important person in your world, even if you don\u2019t acknowledge it.<\/p>\n

Give yourself the time and space to just be. Allow yourself to slow down and relax with silence. It\u2019s lovely to be comfortable enough with someone you care about to not always have to talk to fill the silence. And it\u2019s even lovelier to enjoy time alone, doing things you enjoy or giving yourself some downtime. You don\u2019t always have to be doing something. Try to just be and enjoy the peacefulness it can bring.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Many of us think that not having activity going on around us is uncomfortable. We don\u2019t know how to handle silence or having a little time with nothing specific to do. When I was a DoorMat, I couldn\u2019t handle what I thought of as \u201cempty pockets of time and space\u201d in my life. If I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[118,973],"class_list":["post-4146","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","tag-autonomy","tag-happiness"],"yoast_head":"\nGiving Yourself Space - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/giving-yourself-space.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Giving Yourself Space - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Many of us think that not having activity going on around us is uncomfortable. We don\u2019t know how to handle silence or having a little time with nothing specific to do. When I was a DoorMat, I couldn\u2019t handle what I thought of as \u201cempty pockets of time and space\u201d in my life. If I…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/giving-yourself-space.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-05-24T16:01:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-04-19T14:56:08+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2013\/03\/space-300x225.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Giving Yourself Space - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/05\/giving-yourself-space.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Giving Yourself Space - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Many of us think that not having activity going on around us is uncomfortable. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4146","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4146"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4146\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4320,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4146\/revisions\/4320"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4146"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4146"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4146"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}