{"id":4093,"date":"2013-03-22T12:01:39","date_gmt":"2013-03-22T16:01:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4093"},"modified":"2013-02-11T21:51:04","modified_gmt":"2013-02-12T02:51:04","slug":"finding-the-blessings-in-problems","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/03\/finding-the-blessings-in-problems.html","title":{"rendered":"Finding the Blessings in Problems"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Often when life isn\u2019t going the way you want it to, or something important goes very wrong, it\u2019s easy to lose yourself in the situation. By that I mean your emotions reflect what\u2019s going on. \u201cWoe is me\u201d or \u201cThis is awful\u201d or \u201cHow will I manage with this\u201d are common statements made during a rough patch. I\u2019ve learned that when things go wrong you have 3 main choices in how to respond:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a01. Lose yourself in the misery of the situation and let it make you feel lousy<\/strong>. This seems to be most common but it\u2019s the least logical and the worst direction since the one who suffers more is you. Sinking with what happened makes you unable to take action and makes you unhappy. That in itself if a great reason not to go with this choice.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a02. If it\u2019s something that can be fixed, accept what happened, relax, and focus on making it right instead of getting wound up over how lousy it is<\/strong>. If you let the negative emotions overwhelm you, it\u2019s hard to think straight so that you can do something positive. For example, if your computer crashes, you can cry over it or do your best to find someone who can fix it or be honest that you need to buy another. There are always options if your head is clear.<\/p>\n

When my iBook G4 was declared to be unfixable, I cried, because they didn\u2019t make them anymore and I loved it so much. Plus, I wasn\u2019t expecting to have to buy a new computer so soon and didn\u2019t have a budget for one. But I found the same one on Ebay for $300 and I\u2019ve had it for four years. Had I nosedived into self-pity, I may not have thought to try to get a cheap used one. I asked for spiritual guidance and got one from a woman who actually brought it to me in perfect condition. She even left the software on it so it worked out as well as it could have.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a03. If it\u2019s something that you have no control over or that can\u2019t be changed, relax and accept that it happened and there\u2019s nothing you can do<\/strong>. Let whatever has to take its course happen. The day Time Warner Cable decided to do maintenance and shut down service in my neighborhood with no warning, I freaked at first. No phone or Internet service on a workday. And they had no idea of when it would be fixed. After a short amount of whining and moaning, I decided it was wasting my time since I couldn\u2019t do anything about it. So I focused on doing my writing. My service didn\u2019t come back till the next day but I stayed relaxed, knowing that getting upset over it would do me no good, and I didn\u2019t want to feel more stress.<\/p>\n

Since everything happens for a reason, you can look for the blessings in your problems if you don\u2019t fall apart form them. Often the stress of the problem keeps you from noticing something good that comes from it. The computer I bought on Ebay worked better than my lemon ever did. It also had a higher operating than mine, and she left me software I didn\u2019t have to buy. So there was a blessing in my computer going haywire. And I didn\u2019t lose anything from my old computer, which was another big blessing.<\/p>\n

I also found a blessing when I lost my phone and Internet service. I love to take my laptop out to write but have been limited about places with Internet service. When I told my doorman I needed a place to check email, he told me that Starbucks has free wireless. I didn\u2019t know that as they didn\u2019t always have it. So I went to one and sure enough, I was able to read and respond to my emails. But the biggest blessing for me was when I met up with a friend later\u00a0at the caf\u00e9 in Barnes & Noble.<\/p>\n

I had my computer and asked my friend if she thought just maybe, they might have free wireless too. In the past, it had been for a fee. My friend said the same thing. But I tried anyway and discovered free wireless there too! That\u2019s my favorite place to take my laptop to write so I was excited. That was a HUGE blessing for me as I don\u2019t go there much during the week and now I can.<\/p>\n

Get into the habit of looking for the blessings in your problems. Keep a cool head when things go wrong, see if there\u2019s anything you can do to fix it, and if there’s not, relax and accept that this is just how it is and it will pass. Then look for the blessings in your problems. You may not notice them for a while but if you stay alert, you\u2019ll find them!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Often when life isn\u2019t going the way you want it to, or something important goes very wrong, it\u2019s easy to lose yourself in the situation. By that I mean your emotions reflect what\u2019s going on. \u201cWoe is me\u201d or \u201cThis is awful\u201d or \u201cHow will I manage with this\u201d are common statements made during a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[627,628],"class_list":["post-4093","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-dealing-wiht-problems","tag-finding-blessings"],"yoast_head":"\nFinding the Blessings in Problems - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/03\/finding-the-blessings-in-problems.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Finding the Blessings in Problems - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Often when life isn\u2019t going the way you want it to, or something important goes very wrong, it\u2019s easy to lose yourself in the situation. By that I mean your emotions reflect what\u2019s going on. \u201cWoe is me\u201d or \u201cThis is awful\u201d or \u201cHow will I manage with this\u201d are common statements made during a…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/03\/finding-the-blessings-in-problems.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-03-22T16:01:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-02-12T02:51:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/03\/sky-300x225.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Finding the Blessings in Problems - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/03\/finding-the-blessings-in-problems.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Finding the Blessings in Problems - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Often when life isn\u2019t going the way you want it to, or something important goes very wrong, it\u2019s easy to lose yourself in the situation. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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