{"id":4072,"date":"2013-03-18T12:01:32","date_gmt":"2013-03-18T16:01:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4072"},"modified":"2013-02-06T16:20:43","modified_gmt":"2013-02-06T21:20:43","slug":"make-a-not-to-do-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/03\/make-a-not-to-do-list.html","title":{"rendered":"Make a “Not To Do” List"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I make a lot of \u201cTo Do\u201d lists. They help to keep me on track for doing what I need to do. But recently, I thought about all the things that I did in my DoorMat days that I didn\u2019t want to do. But because I was compelled to please everyone, I did them anyway. As I began to feel more empowered, I found that writing things down made them stick more. So I began to also make a \u201cNot to Do\u201d list\u2014all the things I didn\u2019t want to do any more.<\/p>\n

A \u201cNot to Do\u201d list is a little different from a \u201cTo Do\u201d list. The latter is usually specific things you need to remember or make time to do, like people to call, things to send by email, and other chores to take care of. A \u201cNot to Do\u201d list is a reminder to empower yourself so that you don\u2019t get sucked into doing things that you don\u2019t want to do or that meant you had to neglect yourself in order to make someone else happy\u2014at your expense.<\/p>\n

A \u201cNot to Do\u201d list can be very flexible. Some days you might be willing to do more than on others. This list is written proof that you\u2019ve chosen not to do certain things. For example:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I won\u2019t say \u201cyes\u201d to my neighbor asking me to drop her off and pick her up at the train when I\u2019m busy since she\u2019s capable of walking.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I will not change my plans to do favors for others, unless it\u2019s someone I care about a lot.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I will not feel guilty about not calling my mother as often as she\u2019d like as she expects too much from me.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I will not let my friend always pick the movie we go to see.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I won\u2019t allow myself to be treated like a DoorMat!
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0I won\u2019t loan people money anymore!<\/p>\n

Keep your \u201cNot to Do\u201d list where you can see it every day. Read it and remind yourself about the things you\u2019re giving up doing. Let it empower you to stop doing what doesn\u2019t serve you well. Making a list like this can help you break people pleasing habits. Your \u201cNot to Do\u201d list is better than just vowing not to do something again and then weakening. Declaring it in writing helps it stick.<\/p>\n

Every time you don\u2019t do one of the things, put a check next to it. At the end of the week or month, see how many checks you have. You can have lots next to one thing. Of course there may be exceptions, like your sister is in a bind and needs a short term loan and you trust her or your neighbor breaks her leg and you feel sorry for her. But otherwise, do your best to stick to your \u201cNot to Do\u201d list until you get used to not doing those things. Keep making new lists as things come up. This can be a very empowering tool for you!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I make a lot of \u201cTo Do\u201d lists. They help to keep me on track for doing what I need to do. But recently, I thought about all the things that I did in my DoorMat days that I didn\u2019t want to do. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4072","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4072"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4072\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4076,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4072\/revisions\/4076"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4072"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4072"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4072"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}