{"id":4056,"date":"2013-03-08T12:01:34","date_gmt":"2013-03-08T17:01:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=4056"},"modified":"2013-01-30T19:45:31","modified_gmt":"2013-01-31T00:45:31","slug":"stop-the-fat-police","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/03\/stop-the-fat-police.html","title":{"rendered":"Stop the Fat Police"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I rarely meet someone who is completely happy with his or her body. With the media setting higher and higher standards for perfection as celebrities get more procedures to improve their bodies, it\u2019s harder to feel satisfied with what we have.<\/p>\n

Like many women, I used to see myself in the distorted mirror that my perception created. My mirror said FAT, but I wasn\u2019t fat. I just wasn\u2019t perfectly thin. I encounter many people who magnify the size of their bodies in their minds and don\u2019t appreciate their good qualities. We\u2019re usually our own worst critics and don\u2019t need others to point out what we already know and dislike.<\/p>\n

Yet whether you want to hear it or not, there are some folks who need to point out that you\u2019ve gained a few pounds, or need to lose some weight\u2014like you don\u2019t own a mirror and can\u2019t see it yourself. They scrutinize your body looking for telltale signs of excess weight so they can report it to you. I call them the Fat Police.<\/p>\n

In my people pleaser days, I got it a lot of unwanted input about my weight, often from the same people, over and over. It hurt. I wanted to lose weight badly but it was hard. I noticed my jiggly belly even more so than the Fat Police did and wanted to shout at them, \u201cDo you think I\u2019m so stupid or blind that you must make me feel worse by pointing it out?!\u201d But I was too scared of alienating people, even the Fat Police, to say anything. So I\u2019d smile and cry inside.<\/p>\n

I once heard a 10-year old girl complain that she hated visiting her grandma because all the neighbors come by and immediately want to see if she\u2019d lost or gained weight. She was crying, asking her mom why people she barely knew cared so much about her body and so little that she was doing well in school. Family, friends, teachers, romantic partners and even strangers assume a right to judge your weight. Often their own insecurity is talking.<\/p>\n

When you\u2019re unhappy with yourself, you find fault with others. Those with good self-esteem are less likely to do that. Many members of the Fat Police struggle with their own body image issues. Since they know how painful being overweight can be, they try to \u201chelp\u201d people avoid that pain by making sure you know the fat is there. Some need to find fault with others to make themselves feel better. Whatever the reason, you shouldn\u2019t have to endure barbs about your body.<\/p>\n

Since becoming more empowered, I dodge Fat Police or use a retort to shut them up. Questions like \u201cAre you sure you want to eat that?\u201d drove me crazy when I was too insecure to speak up. I\u2019d have a nice plate of food and someone would imply I was too fat to enjoy it, so I\u2019d put the plate down. Now I respond, \u201cDo you realize how mean that is?\u201d I\u2019d also hear, \u201cYou\u2019d be beautiful without the extra weight.\u201d I say that I\u2019m beautiful now.<\/p>\n

Most truly think they\u2019re helping. If it bothers you, speak up to Fat Police! I\u2019ve explained, nicely, how they make me feel. Most don\u2019t understand it hurts and getting specific about why you don\u2019t like their comments, without malice, can get through to many. When it doesn\u2019t I\u2019ve said in a friendly tone:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cWhy does my weight matter to you so much? I\u2019m fine with my body.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cI know you don\u2019t enjoy making me feel bad but you do with those comments.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cDo you like anything about me? It would be nice to hear that too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0“I can see what I need to do, or not do, for myself.”<\/p>\n

Some people say these sound a bit sarcastic or too blunt, which doesn\u2019t go along with my code of being a nice person. But if said with a smile and good attitude, it shuts them up for a while, which is nice for you. It\u2019s better than exploding at someone when you\u2019ve had enough. And even if they get angry, it\u2019s still best to stop the barbs. Often I\u2019ll just say, \u201cPlease accept me as I am. I do.\u201d Choose a response based on the person and what feels comfortable. I admit, it still hurts, but I get right past it instead of dwelling. Then I eat my second cookie.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/strong><\/a>. Join the Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! on Facebook<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I rarely meet someone who is completely happy with his or her body. With the media setting higher and higher standards for perfection as celebrities get more procedures to improve their bodies, it\u2019s harder to feel satisfied with what we have. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4056","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4056"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4056\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4059,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4056\/revisions\/4059"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4056"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4056"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4056"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}