{"id":401,"date":"2010-11-22T12:01:00","date_gmt":"2010-11-22T12:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/11\/do-you-live-in-ruts.html"},"modified":"2010-11-22T12:01:00","modified_gmt":"2010-11-22T12:01:00","slug":"do-you-live-in-ruts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/11\/do-you-live-in-ruts.html","title":{"rendered":"Do You Live in Ruts?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"rut.JPG\"<\/a><\/span>Years ago someone told me that I lived in ruts. “No way!” I countered. I was making great progress to stop my people pleasing and feeling quite empowered. No ruts for me anymore. DoorMats live in ruts. when I was one I tried to keep everything the same to avoid annoying someone or to lose even more control than I gave up. People pleasing is a rut in itself. But here I was, loving myself and feeling confident, yet being accused of living in ruts.<\/p>\n

Often when you leave old ruts you dig in a create new ones. They may feel a lot better so you’re not aware of them<\/b>. <\/p>\n

As I paid attention, I realized that life ruts come in layers. As you leave DoorMatville, you peel off the first round–always agreeing with everyone, putting your own needs last, living as a person that others want you to be, etc. So when you break those blatant ruts you might feel rut-free like I did. But you don’t have to be a DoorMat to be in a rut. <\/p>\n

Many things in your life can become a habit that you become so used to that you don’t even notice you do it or think about changing it<\/b>. <\/p>\n

A chair may be in the same spot in your living room because that’s where you originally put it and you’re used to it being there. You wear your hair the same way as you have for years because–well–it’s what you’ve always done with it. Your clothing style hasn’t changed in decades. You still hate the color pink, though you can’t quite remember why. You arrange your schedule on Sunday to call Mom at 5PM. These are all things you do automatically and don’t think about why or what you could change. Try thinking about it!<\/p>\n

Shake up your life a little bit! You can by paying attention and trying one thing new or different.<\/b><\/p>\n

I had bangs for most of my life. When someone suggested I let them grow out, my first response was a firm NO! It was in a way done out of fear. Even when we’re empowered, it’s hard to change things we’re used to. But after some gentle nudging, I agreed to try letting them grow out. It was hard. I was used to hiding my face with them! But now you couldn’t pay me to have bangs. I love my face and am happy for it to be uncovered. <\/p>\n

Ruts come in many varieties. Look for them in your life, even if it’s not something significant, like me with my bangs.<\/b> <\/p>\n

It’s always good to try new paths occasionally. And to recognize ruts you’re in that you’re not aware of. I did this when I began to clear out stuff from my apartment that I didn’t need. I looked around and thought there was little to let go of. But I did want to get rid of stuff. So I picked up everything and asked myself “Why do I have this?” The answers were profound for me. I was in a rut of seeing the things on my shelves and didn’t let go of them because they’d become fixtures, stuff ruts that I held onto for no real good reasons. <\/p>\n

Surprise! I didn’t need the souvenirs friends brought back from vacations years ago that meant nothing to me. They probably didn’t even have theirs! Did I need 5 photos of each piece of scenery from a vacation that I went on years ago? No! I kept just one of each. I also changed the route I took to places I went to regularly and bought a few clothing items that weren’t like what I normally wore but that looked good. <\/p>\n

Ask yourself, “Why do I always do things this way?” or “Why do I need this?” or “What can I change up just to try something different?”<\/b><\/p>\n

It might surprise you as it did me. I realized how much I did or l kept out of habit and how freeing it was to change up my ways and let go of things form the past. I remember going shopping with my dad. I picked up a pair of small dangling earrings and he immediately said, “That’s not you. You wear very big earrings.” It was true. For years I wore very big hoops and other large dangling earrings. But why not try something new? I told him that it was me in my rut, but I was changing my style. That led to a new variety of sizes and I still alternate today.<\/p>\n

Find your ruts and shake them up.<\/b> Try a new activity, do something at least a little different with your hair, buy something to wear that’s not the you everyone knows but that fits well. Use a new expression instead of the ones you always use. Breaking out of ruts truly gives you the freedom to reinvent yourself. And it’s fun to try new things. Let me know in the comment section if you try something new! <\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Years ago someone told me that I lived in ruts. “No way!” I countered. I was making great progress to stop my people pleasing and feeling quite empowered. No ruts for me anymore. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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