{"id":391,"date":"2010-09-15T12:01:00","date_gmt":"2010-09-15T12:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/09\/youre-the-only-one.html"},"modified":"2010-09-15T12:01:00","modified_gmt":"2010-09-15T12:01:00","slug":"youre-the-only-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/09\/youre-the-only-one.html","title":{"rendered":"You’re the Only ONE"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"finger.jpg\"<\/a><\/span>Someone recently commented on a post about how someone on a community she participates in seemed to be snubbing her and now she felt like it ruined her time there. Often we make one person so important in the big picture of our lives that we cater to them and need their approval for what seems like our survival. That’s part of what keeps people pleasers pleasing as a lifestyle. <\/p>\n

But ONE person should not be responsible for your happiness–except if that ONE is YOU.<\/b><\/p>\n

People stay in unhappy or abusive romantic relationships because they’re convinced that the person they’re with is the ONE for them. Often they base it on getting something they’ve not gotten from other partners–compliments, great sex, an ego boost being with someone very good looking, excellent financial security, and other goodies. But that doesn’t make the person crucial for your happiness, especially if trying to keep them from leaving makes you unhappy<\/b>. <\/p>\n

When people tell me that they’re scared to lose partner, a friend, etc., and build it up to be so important to keep that person that they’d sacrifice everything, I try to wake them up. Hello! This world is filled with so many people that you can always find someone else if you let go of your need for that one person–IF you don’t make someone so important that you feel like you can’t live without him or her in your world.<\/p>\n

No one should be so important to you that you’d fall apart if they weren’t in your life<\/b>. You should own that honor exclusively!<\/p>\n

Pay attention to how much importance you give to people you care about. Do you have a romantic partner on a pedestal? Is there a friend you think you need to be with when you go out to play? Is there a colleague you depend on for support like a lifeline at work? Why? What are you getting from the person that’s so important? How can you satisfy that need without them? We often blindly chase someone we think we need without stopping to rationally think about how we can be okay without them.<\/p>\n

Always remember that the only person you truly need to worry about keeping in your life is YOU<\/b>. <\/p>\n

As you grow into a self-empowered person, It becomes easier to keep yourself from looking to others to give you what you can give yourself or get from folks who treat you well. Meanwhile, stay aware of the importance you give to people who you like interacting with and don’t let yourself become too dependent on the company or support from one person. There’s a world of people you can meet. <\/p>\n

And, as you get more comfortable with and then actually enjoy being with just yourself, life get sweeter.<\/b><\/p>\n

I’m delighted now when I have a weekend with no plans, instead of being scared of loneliness like I used to be. The more you value your own company and embrace your spiritual support, the less you’ll rely on anyone but yourself and your higher power. I can personally attest that it’s a very sweet place to be! No one but ME makes my life, and no one can stop my life but me. You can have that too!<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Someone recently commented on a post about how someone on a community she participates in seemed to be snubbing her and now she felt like it ruined her time there. Often we make one person so important in the big picture of our lives that we cater to them and need their approval for what…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-391","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance"],"yoast_head":"\nYou're the Only ONE - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/09\/youre-the-only-one.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"You're the Only ONE - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Someone recently commented on a post about how someone on a community she participates in seemed to be snubbing her and now she felt like it ruined her time there. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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