{"id":3888,"date":"2013-01-21T12:01:28","date_gmt":"2013-01-21T17:01:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3888"},"modified":"2013-01-07T22:12:28","modified_gmt":"2013-01-08T03:12:28","slug":"how-criticism-can-empower-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/how-criticism-can-empower-you.html","title":{"rendered":"How Criticism Can Empower You"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Today is Day 21 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month<\/a><\/strong> with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement<\/strong><\/a>\u2122.<\/em><\/p>\n

Few people like criticism. I sure don\u2019t, especially when it\u2019s about something that means a lot to me, or that I can\u2019t change. Criticism is especially hard to take when it\u2019s personal, like being told you need to lose weight or you\u2019re not good at something that matters to you.<\/p>\n

I used to be devastated by people finding fault with me. Criticism is much more potent than compliments and stays with you much longer. Ten people could tell me an outfit looked good on me but they meant nothing if ONE person didn\u2019t like it. It would affect me for days, or much longer, staying in my subconscious file of what was wrong with me. Each negative made me feel a little worse about me, and less likely to love myself.<\/p>\n

After all, who\u2019d want to love someone with all those things wrong with her?<\/p>\n

You’ll feel that way if you let other people’s\u00a0 judgments rule your opinion of YOU. But judgments are just opinions and that doesn\u2019t mean what\u2019s being said is true. It only becomes true for you if you ALLOW it to be. When I recognized this, my self-love began to grow. Instead of owning criticism, I began to turn it around\u2014let it motivate me to be better and own my worth more. I became determined to adopt my own belief about me. So instead of being down when someone pointed out a flaw, I began to laugh about it, knowing it would never be my truth.<\/p>\n

For example, just when I just began to write books, a friend offered to show a sample of one to a literary agent she knew. I was excited as I believed in the book completely. But, the guy didn\u2019t like the book. Okay, it was worse than that. He tore it apart in notes on the manuscript and told my friend to advise me to give up on writing. He declared there was no way I\u2019d ever make it. I was just on the cusp of leaving DoorMatville\u2014out but not quite steady on my self-esteem footing.<\/p>\n

My friend gave me sympathy but no encouragement. I began to feel self-pity as I had to kiss my career as a writer goodbye. But I caught myself and remembered that it was only one person\u2019s opinion and it didn\u2019t mean I couldn\u2019t write a good book.<\/p>\n

Criticism is just someone\u2019s opinion. There are often movies, music, books, etc. that I don\u2019t like at all, maybe even despise, but they become hits and best sellers. So just because I don\u2019t\u00a0 value them, others do. It\u2019s the same when someone criticizes you. You may not seem \u201cgood enough\u201d in one person\u2019s eyes but you\u2019re still good enough in your own if you choose to believe that.\u00a0 Criticism doesn\u2019t hurt you. Believing it does. Love yourself enough to see yourself through the eyes of self-acceptance. Let criticism motivate you to be the best you can be for YOU.<\/p>\n

After licking my wounds about what the agent said, I continued writing and read On Writing Well <\/a>by William Zinsser, which really helped me to become the writer I am today. I KNEW I was a good writer, despite what the agent said and wasn\u2019t going to let his words stop me at all! The book he tore apart was All Men Are Jerks Until Prove Otherwise<\/strong><\/a>. It turns 15 this year. Yes, the book the agent tore apart has been selling for 15 years and it\u2019s about to be reissued with updates to celebrates it fifteenth anniversary in March. The book has been translated into 15 languages around the world and I\u2019m still quoted in women\u2019s magazines about it.<\/p>\n

Had I listened to the agent who said I was a terrible writer, this book, and my other twelve books (with 2 more under contract) would have never been published. While I might have rationalized that the literary agent knew more than me, I chose to believe in myself instead and let his words push me to succeed instead of succumbing to failure from one person\u2019s opinion. I love myself enough to value mine much more!<\/p>\n

Value and love yourself enough to choose what defines you. Just because someone says you need to lose weight or you\u2019re not smart enough to start a business or a gazillion other criticisms, they\u2019re not true unless you believe them. As my self-love grew, so did my self-acceptance, which helped me to say to myself, \u201cThat\u2019s not true\u201d when someone expressed faults they saw in me. If someone says I should lose some weight, I tell them I’m fine the way I am. Use that attitude for yourself when someone puts you down. I\u2019ve said versions of, \u201cYou\u2019re entitled to your opinion but I have my own positive take.\u201d Love yourself enough to let criticism motivate you to be the best you can be–for YOU!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join The <\/strong>Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2012 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today is Day 21 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement\u2122. Few people like criticism. I sure don\u2019t, especially when it\u2019s about something that means a lot to me, or that I can\u2019t change. Criticism is especially hard to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[99,27],"class_list":["post-3888","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-criticism","tag-self-love"],"yoast_head":"\nHow Criticism Can Empower You - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/how-criticism-can-empower-you.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How Criticism Can Empower You - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Today is Day 21 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement\u2122. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3888","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3888"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3888\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3890,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3888\/revisions\/3890"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3888"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3888"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3888"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}