{"id":388,"date":"2010-10-08T12:01:00","date_gmt":"2010-10-08T12:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/10\/hot-cold-people.html"},"modified":"2010-10-08T12:01:00","modified_gmt":"2010-10-08T12:01:00","slug":"hot-cold-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/10\/hot-cold-people.html","title":{"rendered":"Hot & Cold People"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"bathTaps.JPG\"<\/a><\/span>I just saw a woman who’s lived in my building for years. I know she saw me as we passed in the lobby but she ignored me. She’s done this before. Yet I can go for weeks where she greets me like a good friend. It’s weird. But I learned a long time ago that people do things like that. Everyone has their issues. I know this woman has hers. I don’t like it but have accepted that’s just the way she is. Last week I wrote about people who go to extremes in Be the Cr\u00e8me in an Oreo. <\/p>\n

Going to extremes is unhealthy for you. And being with people who do it is too. <\/b><\/p>\n

Hot & Cold people can make you crazy so it isn’t good to hang with these types too much. Often they’re angry, which triggers the extremes. I know the woman in my building has issues. Many people do. But knowing why they go to extremes doesn’t improve how their mood swings make you feel. It’s confusing. Will she be friendly today or sarcastic? Will he be willing to spend time with me or want to be alone? <\/p>\n

Hot & Cold people manifest their patterns in different ways. The worst for me is when they’re nice and nice and nice and then erupt, often out of nowhere.<\/b><\/p>\n

I had a friend years ago who was a consummate people pleaser–always agreeing with everyone and being effusive in her compliments. When I or another friend did something that she didn’t like, she’d give a big smile and say “No problem.” But it was a problem. Every once in a while she’d explode. Sometimes she’d tell me how she overreacted to someone who annoyed her or told someone off in a way that was way over the top for what happened. When she told the stories she was so cold about it, not caring who she hurt. A few times she blew up at me for almost no reason.<\/p>\n

Someone can be very friendly and agreeable when things are going their way.<\/b> And even when things aren’t, they’ll act like everything is wonderful–until something puts them over the top and they get cold, or attack. I never knew what would set my friend off. She was a people pleaser to the extreme. She always said everything was fine, no matter what it was. I remember when I did things that she should have been annoyed about, and I told her so, but she laughed and warmly said it was all okay. But it wasn’t okay. She was just trying to avoid a confrontation.<\/p>\n

When you suppress your negative emotions, the repercussions can end up biting you, and your friends, when you reach a boiling point and no longer can hold the feeling in<\/b>. <\/p>\n

It’s important to be careful of not being one of these Hot & Cold people. And it’s also important not to get too close to one. They’re the ones you have to walk on eggshells with so you don’t say or do that one small thing that triggers a cold or unpleasant response. Walking on eggshells is stressful. I avoid those kind of people now. If you interact with someone who fits this description, try not to get too close to them if possible. If you need to interact, begin your conversation with a compliment or kind word to set a positive tone. <\/p>\n

Continue to be friendly to those who are friendly to you when it suits them.<\/b><\/p>\n

Now when I pass the woman in my building I try to look ahead when I can and ignore her so I’m not aggravated if she ignores my hello. But I understand now that she isn’t happy and is emotionally driven. I’m on her good side at the moment but limit my contact with her anyway. And I dropped the friend who was super agreeable with occasional explosions after she verbally attacked me in a restaurant for the most irrational reason. Afterward, she actually had no idea why she did it. I did.<\/p>\n

Pent up rage causes serious mood swings.<\/b>  <\/p>\n

It was embarrassing to be screamed at in the restaurant and I decided I didn’t want to deal with her extreme mood swings any more. So I slowly stopped making plans until we stopped speaking. Don’t help carry someone’s emotional baggage. If you interact with a Hot & Cold person, beware. Mood swings will take their toll on you and being on edge about not saying the wrong thing to trigger the cold side isn’t fun. Covet friends who are consistent in their behavior and practice being consistent in your own dealings with people to avoid the stress of dealing with extremes.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/b>
<\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I just saw a woman who’s lived in my building for years. I know she saw me as we passed in the lobby but she ignored me. She’s done this before. Yet I can go for weeks where she greets me like a good friend. It’s weird. 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