{"id":3868,"date":"2013-01-14T12:01:46","date_gmt":"2013-01-14T17:01:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3868"},"modified":"2013-01-11T17:09:17","modified_gmt":"2013-01-11T22:09:17","slug":"why-you-should-love-being-imperfect","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/why-you-should-love-being-imperfect.html","title":{"rendered":"Why You Should Love Being Imperfect"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/em>Today is Day 14 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month<\/a><\/strong> with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement<\/strong><\/a>\u2122.<\/em><\/p>\n

It can be exhausting to be on a mission to be perfect and can set the critical voices in your head on overdrive. I\u2019ve watched people spend their whole lives being unhappy when their version of perfection never comes. They\u2019re never satisfied, which correlates to rarely feeling completely happy. It\u2019s hard to feel content when you spend your time trying to \u201cfix\u201d yourself or chasing elusive qualities that you never get \u201cright.\u201d Often when you strive for perfection, deep down you\u2019re looking for complete control over you and your life, which is as impossible as being perfect. The interesting side effect is that the need for perfection ends up controlling you, and that\u2019s NOT loving!<\/p>\n

This mentality creates great frustration as perfection doesn\u2019t come. Feeling a need to be perfect puts unnecessary pressure on you and keeps you from appreciating all the good stuff you are and have. And it keeps you from loving yourself until you\u2019re perfect, which doesn\u2019t happen. The need for perfection puts you in a prison of sorts if you can\u2019t be happy with less than perfect. It\u2019s critical to release how it has you stuck if you want to be able to love yourself. Otherwise, you can spiral out of control from the negative emotions created when anything is less than perfect. It even leads some people to go into depressions, which is very unloving.<\/p>\n

The need for perfection is usually created by fear. Perfection can seem like an antidote to the repercussions you believe come with not being perfect. This fear may have started from experiences at any time in your life. Think back to what was going on when you began to strive for perfection.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0You may have only received love growing up if you got perfect grades, stayed perfectly clean, performed perfectly at a skill you were learning and had perfect behavior. Anything less than perfect may have brought negative consequences and you still have that association today.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0You may have been criticized by romantic partners for not having a perfect body or not making enough money or for other things that did damage to your ego. That could create an association with needing to be perfect to attract or keep love.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0A past mistake might have cost you a promotion or you got ridicule for it. This can make you not want to make another mistake at all costs.<\/p>\n

The need to be perfect can make you avoid things you\u2019d like to do because you\u2019re scared of not doing it well. My kindergarten teach made fun of my artwork and for years I drew pictures and painted \u201cin the closet\u201d\u2014secretly, never showing it to anyone. People choose not to continue their education if they\u2019re scared of not getting A\u2019s in all their classes. Striving for perfection is one of the biggest roadblocks for building self-love, and being happy!<\/p>\n

I implore you to love yourself enough, or at least want to love yourself enough, to give yourself permission to make mistakes, do things that are just okay, and not worry about it\u2014to be imperfect, which means you\u2019re human. I never was perfect but for years tried to be. I was a perfect good girl and tried hard to perfectly please everyone. Knowing my body wasn\u2019t perfect made me not even try to look good. Why bother? Since I decided to live imperfectly, I have so much fun and my self-love has increased dramatically. And my artwork came out of the closet and hangs in my place.<\/p>\n

When you let go of any need to be perfect\u2014which is impossible anyway\u2014you give yourself the freedom to relax and be human. Then mistakes won\u2019t trigger a beating up on yourself session. Gaining a pound won\u2019t make you feel awful. You’ll have less to prove to others and can just be yourself imperfectly. I\u2019ve discovered that allowing yourself to be imperfect helps you accept yourself so self-love can grow faster.<\/p>\n

One of the most self-loving things you can do is to give yourself permission to not be perfect! It will help you relax and enjoy life, instead of wasting time stressing yourself with worries about how you look, what you do wrong and other things you\u2019re not perfect at doing. Accept your imperfections as part of what makes you special. We all make mistakes. Most women have cellulite, even the celebs who look perfect on the red carpet. Many men have hair loss that\u2019s beyond their control. Own who you are with love! Embrace yourself as imperfect. It gives you the freedom to:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Speak your mind more instead of trying to say what you think people want to hear
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Say “no” to things you don’t want to do so you have more time for what you do like
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Be more upbeat or silly instead of uptight about how you come across
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Try more fun styles of dress instead of sticking with conservative styles to not stand out
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Tap into your creative side, which often gets stifled when you want to be perfect<\/p>\n

Love your imperfect self! And when you do something that isn\u2019t perfect, instead of getting upset or self-critical, tell yourself, \u201cIt\u2019s okay to not be perfect and I love you the way you are.\u201d Enjoy the freedom and joy that not feeling a need to be perfect can bring. That says, \u201cI love me!\u201d
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join The <\/strong>Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2012 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today is Day 14 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement\u2122. It can be exhausting to be on a mission to be perfect and can set the critical voices in your head on overdrive. I\u2019ve watched people spend their…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,15],"tags":[580,579,27],"class_list":["post-3868","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-imperfect","tag-perfection","tag-self-love"],"yoast_head":"\nWhy You Should Love Being Imperfect - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/why-you-should-love-being-imperfect.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why You Should Love Being Imperfect - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Today is Day 14 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement\u2122. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3868","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3868"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3868\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5067,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3868\/revisions\/5067"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3868"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3868"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3868"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}