{"id":3821,"date":"2013-01-11T12:01:15","date_gmt":"2013-01-11T17:01:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3821"},"modified":"2013-01-01T23:17:29","modified_gmt":"2013-01-02T04:17:29","slug":"give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html","title":{"rendered":"Give Yourself Permission to Do What\u2019s Best for YOU"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Today is Day 11 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month<\/a><\/strong> with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement<\/strong><\/a>\u2122.<\/em><\/p>\n

Often habits keep you stuck with behavior and responses that you don\u2019t find satisfying or they don’t get you what you\u2019d ideally like. You might be so used to saying \u201cyes\u201d to favors that you don\u2019t feel comfortable saying \u201cno\u201d when you want to. Or you might automatically go to the cheapest brand in the store, even if you like a more expensive one much more. Or you take your power walk with a friend who goes much slower than you\u2019d like to go. Or you\u2019re dying to have ice cream on the first warm spring day while you spend time out doors but automatically think you shouldn\u2019t have those calories.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve heard about many of these kinds of things from people who feel a little sad that what they want seems denied to them. Is this you? It’s often necessary to give yourself permission to put your needs first, to say \u201cno\u201d to what you don\u2019t want and to have an occasional treat that makes you feel good\u2014guilt free! You might think it\u2019s weird to give yourself permission to do something since it is yourself and after all, shouldn\u2019t you be able to do what you want?<\/p>\n

Yes, you should but most of us are too ingrained in doing things to please others or in habits that trigger a mindset that makes you automatically go against what you\u2019d really like. An inner voice might deem what you want to do as wrong or bad or not right for you, since you\u2019ve never allowed it before. That\u2019s why it\u2019s important, and self-loving, to give yourself permission to:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Say \u201cno\u201d to doing something that would inconvenience you or that you just don\u2019t want to do<\/strong>. Just because someone asks, or people expect your acquiescence, doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re obligated to always agree. You\u2019re entitled to turn people down when you want to! I had suggestions for doing this in my post, \u201cI Can\u2019t Do It.\u201d<\/strong> <\/a>Say \u201cI love me!\u201d Tell yourself that just because you\u2019ve given a lot in the past, it\u2019s not your job to help everyone. Give yourself permission to set boundaries and do what\u2019s best for you.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Splurge a little on yourself.<\/strong> I was brought up to be economical and always bought the cheapest brand\u2014until I began to love me. Sometimes the more expensive skin care product, or coffee, or wine, was only a few dollars more, but I automatically grabbed the cheapest. To show myself love, I gave myself permission to buy my first good jar of face cream. It felt delicious to put it on, which made me smile and smile. It should be the same with whatever product does that for you! Give yourself permission to splurge on better products that you\u2019ll use more than once. Each time you do it says, \u201cI love me \u201c because you’ll enjoy it more than the cheap brand. That reinforces you deserve good stuff!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Allow yourself to eat something with more calories than usual because you\u2019d enjoy it, without guilt.<\/strong> I had a friend who exploded with guilt whenever we splurged on a treat. We\u2019d be eating out and she’d call herself a pig, and worse, with every bite. I doubt she enjoyed any of it and it ruined my pleasure too. I don\u2019t advocate having cake or ice cream or other decadent things every day. But you should give yourself permission to enjoy an occasional treat guilt-free. I splurge more on weekends and eat healthy during the week. But if I go to an event on a weekday, I give myself permission to enjoy the food. I limit what I have so I don\u2019t get a tummy upset, since that really doesn\u2019t feel good. But I enjoy the permission to eat the goodies. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever you eat and to sometimes eat things that you normally avoid.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Make time for exercise<\/strong>. Often we\u2019re so busy it\u2019s hard to justify stopping work or skipping chores to go to the gym or do cardio outdoors. Even when my plate is overloaded, which it often is, I always give myself permission to allow at least an hour several days a week to keep myself fit. Fitness and good health should be a priority. Without it, you won\u2019t feel as good or live as long as you could in good health.<\/p>\n

Giving yourself permission to do these and other things you withhold from yourself says, \u201cI love me!\u201d You can do everything in moderation\u2014saying \u201cno\u201d to some people but not everyone, not going crazy with overspending but allowing yourself some leeway for things you\u2019ll enjoy or that benefit you. When I began running I invested over $100 on a good pair of sneakers because I had a problem with my foot from exercising in cheap ones. It allowed me to increase my running time while decreasing any pain I had\u2014that\u2019s self-loving! Give yourself permission to do more things that say, \u201cI love me!\u201d<\/p>\n

***************<\/p>\n

Join The <\/strong>Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2012 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today is Day 11 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement\u2122. Often habits keep you stuck with behavior and responses that you don\u2019t find satisfying or they don’t get you what you\u2019d ideally like. You might be so used…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[27,223],"class_list":["post-3821","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-self-love","tag-taking-care-of-self"],"yoast_head":"\nGive Yourself Permission to Do What\u2019s Best for YOU - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Give Yourself Permission to Do What\u2019s Best for YOU - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Today is Day 11 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement\u2122. Often habits keep you stuck with behavior and responses that you don\u2019t find satisfying or they don’t get you what you\u2019d ideally like. You might be so used…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-01-11T17:01:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-01-02T04:17:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/12\/Self-Love-logo-300x64.png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Give Yourself Permission to Do What\u2019s Best for YOU - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Give Yourself Permission to Do What\u2019s Best for YOU - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Today is Day 11 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement\u2122. Often habits keep you stuck with behavior and responses that you don\u2019t find satisfying or they don’t get you what you\u2019d ideally like. You might be so used…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2013-01-11T17:01:15+00:00","article_modified_time":"2013-01-02T04:17:29+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/12\/Self-Love-logo-300x64.png"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html","name":"Give Yourself Permission to Do What\u2019s Best for YOU - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/12\/Self-Love-logo-300x64.png","datePublished":"2013-01-11T17:01:15+00:00","dateModified":"2013-01-02T04:17:29+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/12\/Self-Love-logo-300x64.png","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/12\/Self-Love-logo-300x64.png"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/give-yourself-permission-to-do-whats-best-for-you.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Give Yourself Permission to Do What\u2019s Best for YOU"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3821","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3821"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3821\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3828,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3821\/revisions\/3828"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3821"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3821"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3821"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}