{"id":3814,"date":"2013-01-04T12:01:38","date_gmt":"2013-01-04T17:01:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3814"},"modified":"2013-01-01T21:56:41","modified_gmt":"2013-01-02T02:56:41","slug":"self-esteem-vs-self-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/self-esteem-vs-self-love.html","title":{"rendered":"Self-Esteem vs. Self-Love"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Today is Day 4 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month<\/a><\/strong> with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement<\/strong><\/a>\u2122.<\/em><\/p>\n

People often think that self-love and self-esteem are one and the same. But that\u2019s not true. While they do support each other and are built from similar factors, they are different aspect of the way you view and treat yourself. Having one can help you build the other. To me, good self-esteem comes from being proud of who you and what you do. And it might be related to just one piece of you. Self-love is an overall self-acceptance of who you are as a person, despite flaws, that creates an inner desire to take good care of you and focus on what makes you happy.<\/p>\n

I want you to understand the difference so you don\u2019t short-change yourself by mistaking self-esteem for self-love. I believe that while you can have good self-esteem without loving yourself fully, self-love is usually accompanied by good self-esteem. I\u2019ve worked with people who were confident in one area of their lives and thought that was also self-love. But they didn\u2019t treat themselves lovingly.<\/p>\n

From what I’ve seen, having good self-esteem is more prevalent than loving yourself. And you can have good self-esteem in some areas of your life and not in others. You might be confident about work but not your social skills. Or you might attract people with your good looks but don\u2019t feel smart or skillful. You might feel fabulous behind a computer but not in real life. Or you\u2019re a great communicator with people you know but freeze in a group of strangers. When you love yourself, you accept yourself with those shortcomings and it improves your overall self-esteem.<\/p>\n

I had good self-esteem first. After years of feeling low about me when I was a DoorMat, I developed some businesses that did well. I was just beginning to love myself but was still insecure about many things about me. As I begin to succeed in business, my confidence increased. I felt good about how much I accomplished so my self-esteem related to work stuff got strong as I got respect from many people. Having confidence felt great and buoyed me on to achieve more.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately this didn\u2019t carry into my personal life, where I still struggled. One day someone called me on it. She asked if I realized that when I spoke about business stuff, my demeanor was strong and confident. But when I talked about men or issues with friends or family, I became like a wimp\u2014the one who used to live in Doormatville! She said I sounded almost like an insecure little girl and that\u2019s how I came across to people in my personal life.<\/p>\n

As I went into defensive mode, she reminded me that no matter where I am or who I\u2019m with, I\u2019m still the successful women who has great self-esteem about her business ability. She implored me to carry my confident business persona into my personal life by remembering I\u2019m that same person. Slowly, I integrated the confident side of me into all areas of my life. It felt great and fueled my self-love.<\/p>\n

Sometimes good self-esteem in one area can turn into cockiness or conceit, which is not loving. It\u2019s good to think well of yourself but not to a point where you think you\u2019re better than some people. Good self-esteem is feeling good about you in positive, not arrogant ways. An arrogant attitude often happens when you don\u2019t love yourself and insecurity motivates flaunting what you\u2019re good at. People who have true self-esteem treat people well, as do people who love themselves.<\/p>\n

When you integrate the confidence from the self-esteem you may have in one area of your life, it can blossom into strong self-love. Pay attention to how you feel in different situations. Notice when you feel the most confident and remind yourself you\u2019re the same person in other areas. Love it all\u2014the very good way you handle yourself sometimes\u2014and the times you\u2019re not as good as you\u2019d like to be. None of us are perfect, and it\u2019s okay, as long as you accept that. True self-esteem and self-love both include self-acceptance as you are right now. Then you can have good self-esteem and strong self love!<\/p>\n

***************<\/p>\n

Join The <\/strong>Self-Love Movement\u2122<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 2012 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today is Day 4 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement\u2122. People often think that self-love and self-esteem are one and the same. But that\u2019s not true. While they do support each other and are built from similar factors,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,15],"tags":[976,27,183],"class_list":["post-3814","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-self-esteem","tag-self-love","tag-self-love-month"],"yoast_head":"\nSelf-Esteem vs. Self-Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2013\/01\/self-esteem-vs-self-love.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Self-Esteem vs. Self-Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Today is Day 4 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jump-starting your own self-love and joining The Self-Love Movement\u2122. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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