{"id":3766,"date":"2012-12-27T12:01:53","date_gmt":"2012-12-27T17:01:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3766"},"modified":"2012-12-29T14:57:48","modified_gmt":"2012-12-29T19:57:48","slug":"how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html","title":{"rendered":"How Kind and Loving Are You To You?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Often we don\u2019t pay attention to how we treat ourselves. Yet doing so can help you see where you need work in building self-love. With Self-Love Month almost here, I\u2019m happy to have\u00a0Jean Fain<\/a><\/strong>, L.I.C.S.W., M.S.W., a Harvard Medical School-affiliated psychotherapist specializing in eating issues, and author of The Self-Compassion D<\/a><\/strong>iet: A Step-by-Step Program to Lose Weight with Loving-Kindness<\/a><\/strong> back as my guest today. Below Jean shares a quiz to help you see how kind you are to you and offers insight into your answers.<\/p>\n

How Kind Are You To You?<\/strong>
\nBy Jean Fain<\/strong><\/p>\n

To find out how kind to yourself you are, read the statements here and fill in the blanks with whatever comes to mind first. This quiz is for your eyes only, so be as honest as possible.<\/p>\n

1) After indulging in a second slice of cheesecake at a party, I tell myself…<\/p>\n

2) When my boss asks to speak with me, I’m almost certain that…<\/p>\n

3) When I lose my temper with someone I love\u2014my significant other, my child, my mother\u2014I find myself thinking…<\/p>\n

4) When friends ask me to pick the restaurant for girls’ night out and then dislike the food, I think…<\/p>\n

5) When I try on a new bathing suit and look in the dressing room mirror, my first thought is…<\/p>\n

6) If I do something silly in front of someone I’m trying to impress, I say to myself…<\/p>\n

7) When a good friend criticizes what I consider one of my worst flaws, I think…<\/p>\n

Now look at each statement and notice anything you wrote that’s self-critical. If you get stuck deciding whether something is critical, imagine a friend saying it to herself\u2014would you tell her she’s beating up on herself? Three or fewer self-critical responses show that you treat yourself with care and concern. If your answers skew negative\u2014four or more are self-critical\u2014you’re low on self-compassion. Here are three tips to give it a boost:<\/p>\n

Challenge Negative Thought<\/strong>s Interrogating your self-criticism can stop it from ballooning. When you think, “I’ll never fit into my skinny jeans again” after eating a cupcake, ask, “Is that really true?” Your instinctive answer might be yes, but keep pushing\u2014”Does one cupcake really mean that I have zero chance of losing weight?” Self-critical thoughts can be stubborn\u2014some of them may be hard to recast at first, but any crack in absolutism encourages perspective.<\/p>\n

Channel Your Compassion Adviser<\/strong> Think of someone who embodies kindness and empathy, whether it’s Mother Teresa or the aunt who always brought you chicken soup when you were sick. Unload your critical thoughts to this person\u2014aloud. Now imagine you are that empathetic person\u2014how would you respond? Say those words as well.<\/p>\n

Write It Out<\/strong> If an event triggers a serious bout of self-criticism, write down the fears and concerns that have been stirred up. According to a University of Texas researcher, writing is not only a great way to ease emotional distress but also a proven method for bolstering a positive outlook. An added bonus: Writing out your troubles may allow you to recognize\u2014and prepare for\u2014the situations that provoke your harshest inner critic.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Join The <\/strong>Self-Love Movement<\/strong><\/a>! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Often we don\u2019t pay attention to how we treat ourselves. Yet doing so can help you see where you need work in building self-love. With Self-Love Month almost here, I\u2019m happy to have\u00a0Jean Fain, L.I.C.S.W., M.S.W., a Harvard Medical School-affiliated psychotherapist specializing in eating issues, and author of The Self-Compassion Diet: A Step-by-Step Program to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[212,550,27],"class_list":["post-3766","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-jean-fain","tag-self-compasion","tag-self-love"],"yoast_head":"\nHow Kind and Loving Are You To You? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How Kind and Loving Are You To You? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Often we don\u2019t pay attention to how we treat ourselves. Yet doing so can help you see where you need work in building self-love. With Self-Love Month almost here, I\u2019m happy to have\u00a0Jean Fain, L.I.C.S.W., M.S.W., a Harvard Medical School-affiliated psychotherapist specializing in eating issues, and author of The Self-Compassion Diet: A Step-by-Step Program to…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-12-27T17:01:53+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-12-29T19:57:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/11\/Self-Compassion-Diet-cover.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How Kind and Loving Are You To You? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How Kind and Loving Are You To You? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Often we don\u2019t pay attention to how we treat ourselves. Yet doing so can help you see where you need work in building self-love. With Self-Love Month almost here, I\u2019m happy to have\u00a0Jean Fain, L.I.C.S.W., M.S.W., a Harvard Medical School-affiliated psychotherapist specializing in eating issues, and author of The Self-Compassion Diet: A Step-by-Step Program to…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2012-12-27T17:01:53+00:00","article_modified_time":"2012-12-29T19:57:48+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/11\/Self-Compassion-Diet-cover.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html","name":"How Kind and Loving Are You To You? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/11\/Self-Compassion-Diet-cover.jpg","datePublished":"2012-12-27T17:01:53+00:00","dateModified":"2012-12-29T19:57:48+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/11\/Self-Compassion-Diet-cover.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/11\/Self-Compassion-Diet-cover.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/12\/how-kind-and-loving-are-you-to-you.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"How Kind and Loving Are You To You?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3766","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3766"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3766\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3799,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3766\/revisions\/3799"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3766"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3766"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3766"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}