{"id":3593,"date":"2012-11-19T12:01:49","date_gmt":"2012-11-19T17:01:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3593"},"modified":"2012-10-01T15:11:36","modified_gmt":"2012-10-01T19:11:36","slug":"one-way-takers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/11\/one-way-takers.html","title":{"rendered":"One\u2013way Takers"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Some folks have a distorted sense of entitlement. They might expect help to get a job in your company or your field and push you for contacts. Or they might feel entitled to get free services from your professional skills. If you\u2019re an auto mechanic, you\u2019ll get asked to help friends with car trouble. If you\u2019re a web designer, some will expect you to make their websites for free. Some of this is just human nature. People who are close to you and might feel it\u2019s fine to ask.<\/p>\n

But then there are the one-way takers, those who always ask for favors but don\u2019t return them. When you\u2019ve been a people pleaser, they get used to expecting stuff and feel it\u2019s okay not to do things in return because they know how insecure you are. People take advantage of us when we live to please or are too uncomfortable to say \u201cno.\u201d But it often leaves us feeling used or taken for granted. That leads to anger, disappointment, frustration, etc.<\/p>\n

I make an effort to help people who do support me. That\u2019s how it should be. Helping those you care about is an outgrowth of self-love. But it\u2019s important to become aware of who deserves your time and who doesn\u2019t. Being a nice person doesn\u2019t mean helping everyone. You owe it to yourself to be selective about who you give your energy to.<\/p>\n

People call or email me for guidance and think I\u2019m obligated to answer. I don\u2019t! When people want me to critique their books or help them write one, I give them my rates, since it\u2019s my livelihood. You must set boundaries. Does a friend borrow clothes, which are returned stained, or does one expect you to design a free logo, though it\u2019s your livelihood? A neighbor may dump kids on you for regular \u201cemergencies\u201d but never have time to watch yours. Set them straight\u2014nicely. They\u2019ll keep taking otherwise. Use lines like:<\/p>\n

* \u201cMy plate is too full to help.\u201d
\n* \u201cPlease ask in the future instead of assuming you can _____.\u201d
\n* \u201cMy fee for doing that starts at $_____.\u201d<\/p>\n

They may not like it but if they\u2019re just one-way takers and not real friends, don\u2019t worry about it. I try to stay on two-way streets with people these days. It makes life more pleasant and keep aggravation at bay. Going down one-way streets when you\u2019re going the wrong way is very unsatisfying. Love yourself enough to stop the requests. You can do it nicely and by regularly turning them down, get them out of the habit of treating you like a cash machine that only makes withdrawals. Even if you lose some of these people, you\u2019ll be happier with the people who come your way!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some folks have a distorted sense of entitlement. They might expect help to get a job in your company or your field and push you for contacts. Or they might feel entitled to get free services from your professional skills. If you\u2019re an auto mechanic, you\u2019ll get asked to help friends with car trouble. If…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[88],"class_list":["post-3593","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-self-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"\nOne\u2013way Takers - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/11\/one-way-takers.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"One\u2013way Takers - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Some folks have a distorted sense of entitlement. They might expect help to get a job in your company or your field and push you for contacts. Or they might feel entitled to get free services from your professional skills. If you\u2019re an auto mechanic, you\u2019ll get asked to help friends with car trouble. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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