{"id":3550,"date":"2012-10-22T12:01:28","date_gmt":"2012-10-22T16:01:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3550"},"modified":"2012-09-23T22:44:16","modified_gmt":"2012-09-24T02:44:16","slug":"question-how-can-i-stop-my-managers-nastiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/10\/question-how-can-i-stop-my-managers-nastiness.html","title":{"rendered":"Question: How Can I Stop My Manager\u2019s Nastiness?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>A reader I\u2019ll call Rose wrote that her office manager, Ms. Nasty, doesn\u2019t treat her with respect and sometimes gets downright nasty, making sarcastic personal comments about her appearance, calling her nicknames that are disrespectful and withholding info that she needs to do her job properly and then blaming her\u2014publicly\u2014for mistakes. Rose doesn\u2019t want to quit her job as she needs it. She asked for advice for handling her manager\u2019s behavior.<\/p>\n

This kind of behavior is what\u2019s now being labeled as \u201coffice bullying,\u201d and it must be addressed. Unless your company has a procedure you can follow to file a harassment complaint, you need to stand up to Ms. Nasty. This doesn\u2019t mean be nasty back. A friendly but firm attitude can get more results than complaining or getting emotional or losing your temper. If you come across as confrontational, the person will get defensive and hear everything through a filter of fighting back instead of just hearing your points.<\/p>\n

Pick a quiet time to speak\u2014in private. Just explain that you\u2019ve noticed that Ms. Nasty calls you names that you find inappropriate for the office and they make you uncomfortable. Don\u2019t use negative words about her behavior. \u201cI\u2019d appreciate your just calling me Rose.\u201d Ask if you\u2019ve done anything to make her say them. Also explain\u2014nicely\u2014that when she doesn\u2019t get you info you need it makes it harder to do your job properly. Can you do something differently so that doesn\u2019t continue to happen? All of this should be said without an attitude of blaming her in your voice.<\/p>\n

Then say something complimentary to her\u2014that you know she works hard or that you admire the job she does or something you can stomach saying\u2014and you\u2019d like to have a good relationship with her. What can you do to facilitate that? Keep a smile on your face and use a pleasant tone. Addressing it so nicely may shame her into changing her ways with you. If she continues calling you names, immediately say, \u201cmy name is Rose\u201d right after in a non-belligerent tone.<\/p>\n

If she continues to not provide you with the info you need, sweetly ask if she\u2019s too busy to do it, should you ask someone else to keep you in the loop. I also recommend you keep a record of everything she does that\u2019s unacceptable. Write the date and time and what she did. You may eventually have a case for harassment, or at least a defense if it escalates.<\/p>\n

Sometimes you can go to someone higher and ask for advice on how to handle it if nothing else works. That way you\u2019re not complaining and you might get an ally. If nothing seems to work, you may have to grin and bear it or polish your resume. Some people like to be mean and nasty and nothing will change them. Unless you can deal with it from within the company, the rotten behavior may continue if you stay. Love yourself enough to get yourself out of that toxic environment at that point.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A reader I\u2019ll call Rose wrote that her office manager, Ms. Nasty, doesn\u2019t treat her with respect and sometimes gets downright nasty, making sarcastic personal comments about her appearance, calling her nicknames that are disrespectful and withholding info that she needs to do her job properly and then blaming her\u2014publicly\u2014for mistakes. Rose doesn\u2019t want to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[493],"class_list":["post-3550","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-office-bullies"],"yoast_head":"\nQuestion: How Can I Stop My Manager\u2019s Nastiness? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/10\/question-how-can-i-stop-my-managers-nastiness.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Question: How Can I Stop My Manager\u2019s Nastiness? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A reader I\u2019ll call Rose wrote that her office manager, Ms. Nasty, doesn\u2019t treat her with respect and sometimes gets downright nasty, making sarcastic personal comments about her appearance, calling her nicknames that are disrespectful and withholding info that she needs to do her job properly and then blaming her\u2014publicly\u2014for mistakes. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3550","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3550"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3550\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3552,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3550\/revisions\/3552"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3550"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3550"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3550"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}