{"id":3499,"date":"2012-09-20T12:01:29","date_gmt":"2012-09-20T16:01:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3499"},"modified":"2012-09-05T17:20:27","modified_gmt":"2012-09-05T21:20:27","slug":"completely-accepting-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/09\/completely-accepting-life.html","title":{"rendered":"Completely Accepting Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I\u2019m delighted to have John Tsilimparis<\/strong><\/a>, MFT, an authority on the dynamics of anxiety, as my guest today. His expertise was featured regularly on the TV documentary series Obsessed on the A&E Television Network and was on Collection Intervention<\/em> on the Syfy channel. John is often on TV and radio to discuss a variety of issues related to anxiety. He\u2019s been featured on “Larry King Live,” “The View,” Fox News, KTLA-News, and ABC News. John is also founder and Director of The Anxiety and Panic Disorder Center of Los Angeles,and he treats individuals suffering from anxiety disorders with cutting-edge Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that focuses on changing individuals’ personal thinking and belief systems about every aspect of life. Today he discusses the importance of completely accepting life. Here\u2019s what he has to say about extreme acceptance:<\/p>\n

Extreme Acceptance<\/strong>: X Games for the Mind<\/strong>
\nBy\u00a0John Tsilimparis<\/strong><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

The concept of Extreme Acceptance<\/strong> is purely a state of mind. It is a sweeping mental attitude that in many ways can act as a universal coping skill. It is not a destination or a goal, but instead, the ongoing process of exercising our mind to be flexible and tolerant of anything life throws at us. The application of Extreme Acceptance asks us to dig deep inside of ourselves and accept the seemingly outrageous. It is the X Games for the Mind<\/strong> because with any drastic change or abrupt shift in the familiar, there is emotional risk involved. But despite the potential risks and high stakes, Eckhart Tolle reminds us: \u201cAcceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace in this world.\u201d<\/p>\n

So, let\u2019s be clear: Extreme Acceptance is NOT indifference, apathy or blind resignation<\/strong>. It does not involve skirting personal responsibility and it is certainly not giving up or quitting.\u00a0 In addition, it is not saying that whatever misfortunes we suffered in the past were a good thing. And most importantly, it is not saying that we should arbitrarily forgive wrongdoers and absolve them of culpability.<\/p>\n

Extreme Acceptance IS:<\/strong>
\nWe accept things as they are without judging them<\/strong>. Whatever comes our way, we refrain from overanalyzing and possibly judging. It is what it is. Whatever happens \u2013happens. We are patient and allow the natural flow of things to take place. Keeping this perspective means letting go of the innate reflex to interpret all of our experiences with a critical eye. In addition, holding on to resentments and grudges \u2013as a result of our judgments \u2013deprives of us gaining insight and growing from the experience. Sustained resentments about things in the past are lazy forms of grieving. Because as we all know, it takes a great deal of inner strength to let go of anger and feel the pain.<\/p>\n

We accept others for who they are and for who they are not<\/strong>. Acceptance of other people being different than us seems to be a very difficult task for many human beings. But under the Extreme Acceptance construct, we not only accept our differences but more importantly, we are grateful for the genius of diversity in thought, personal values, sexual orientation, religion, race, etc. Extreme Acceptance does not assume expectations of others but instead attempts to adopt a compassionate acknowledgment of others without imposing our own prejudice.<\/p>\n

Therefore, we strive to view others as well as ourselves as unique human projects in constant transition. We strive to accept that all of us are complex, multi-layered individuals that are highly vulnerable and superbly imperfect. Extreme Acceptance is about cultivating tolerance and embracing inquiry. We also learn that we do not have the power to change others. We understand that we can encourage others, influence them, maybe even inspire them, but beyond that, we are powerless. French philosopher, Rene Descartes said: \u201cConquer yourself, rather than the world.\u201d<\/p>\n

We accept that all things must end. Nothing is forever<\/strong>. We adhere to the thought that \u201clife is merely a series of beginnings and endings.\u201d All good things end and thankfully, all bad things end too.\u00a0 Remaining overly attached to people, careers, success and earthly possessions causes us suffering. If we can look at loss or the end of a relationship for example, as simply another ending in our life that is part of being human, we experience less distress over it because we are not so emotionally committed. And as overly simplistic as it may sound, poet and cartoonist Dr. Seuss suggests: “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”<\/p>\n

In addition, the finite nature of life \u2013the knowledge that even our own lives will end someday too \u2013can in fact be a motivating insight that could give our existence a great deal of meaning. The concept of death and dying in this instance can be a friend instead of something to fear.<\/p>\n

We don\u2019t ask unanswerable questions<\/strong>. For example, we don\u2019t ask why we were born into our particular family or why we can\u2019t be smarter, richer, more beautiful, more creative, etc. If we try to answer these unanswerable questions, all we come up with are interpretations and theories. Sometimes there are NO definitive answers and anxiously ruminating about the \u201cwhy\u201d is a waste of time. A more important question might be \u201cwhy now?\u201d Meaning, let us look at what we are doing today that might be adding to the problem. Again, our here and now thinking is the only reality we can count on. And staying in the inquiry of life is always better than assuming foregone conclusions.<\/p>\n

The Importance of Gratitude<\/strong>. Extreme Acceptance cannot exist without the concept of Gratitude. Gratitude balances out the \u201coutrageousness\u201d of what we are asking to radically accept. For example, to reconcile accepting difficult people and situations without judgment, to reconcile accepting death and that all things will end someday, means taking stock and appreciating basic givens in life that we can acknowledge in the here and now.<\/p>\n

The mind is in perpetual auto-pilot and it is our job to learn how to switch over to manual mode and self-manage our thoughts better. This process is not necessarily a destination or a goal either. It is simply a daily application like brushing your teeth or tidying up your house. Zen master Lin Chi said, \u201cThe miracle is not to walk on water but to walk on the earth.\u201d Correspondingly, the wonder of Gratitude is to be gutsy enough to peacefully embrace the simple things we have every day here on earth and take notice of its many gifts. In this instance, as we participate in the X Games for the Mind and we access Extreme Acceptance, we attempt to trust that Gratitude can be a radical alternative to prior methods of coping.<\/p>\n

The following exercise compels us to avert our focus from negative and irrational thoughts to more sensible and grounded thoughts. Cultivating Gratitude<\/strong>: Write down THREE things you are grateful for in your life today \u2013 Complete this exercise every morning for one month:<\/p>\n

Note:\u00a0 You must be very specific about WHY you are grateful for each one you choose. And, although some repetition is OK, try to cultivate new ones each morning when you do the exercise. For example, you might be specific about acknowledging someone important in your life: \u201cI am grateful for my friend \u201cJane\u201d because she is a good listener; she treats me with love and respect and is there for me whenever I need her.\u201d Or, you might acknowledge yourself: \u201cI am grateful that I have persevered this long, despite the fear and anxiety of a potential double-dip recession.\u201d Remember, if we wake up in the morning and stop to identify positive things in our lives, big or small, our minds will begin the day processing the world differently.
\nAgain, try this for one month. See what happens\u2026..<\/p>\n

I am grateful for———–Because___________. (3 times)<\/strong><\/p>\n

***************
\nTake the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a>–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m delighted to have John Tsilimparis, MFT, an authority on the dynamics of anxiety, as my guest today. His expertise was featured regularly on the TV documentary series Obsessed on the A&E Television Network and was on Collection Intervention on the Syfy channel. John is often on TV and radio to discuss a variety of…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,2,15],"tags":[484,160,483],"class_list":["post-3499","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-acceptance","tag-anxiety","tag-john-tsilimparis"],"yoast_head":"\nCompletely Accepting Life - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/09\/completely-accepting-life.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Completely Accepting Life - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I\u2019m delighted to have John Tsilimparis, MFT, an authority on the dynamics of anxiety, as my guest today. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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