{"id":345,"date":"2007-09-04T16:40:00","date_gmt":"2007-09-04T16:40:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/making-your-mistakes-count.html"},"modified":"2007-09-04T16:40:00","modified_gmt":"2007-09-04T16:40:00","slug":"making-your-mistakes-count","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/making-your-mistakes-count.html","title":{"rendered":"Making Your Mistakes Count"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>
Letting mistakes bring you down is a big happiness buster. When you make them a motivation to go forward, they bring more satisfaction to your world instead of making you feel like a loser for not doing things perfectly. Cut yourself slack and smile! This article originally appeared in Volume 2, Issue 4 of my free Self-Empowerment Quarterly newsletter. If you\u2019d like to subscribe send your name, and city\/state to subempowernews@daylle.com<\/p>\n

Making Your Mistakes Count<\/span>
Brandi Chastain plays soccer. In 1999 she accidentally scored a goal in the wrong net<\/span>. The other team got the point. This wasn\u2019t just any old game. It was the quarterfinals for the Women\u2019s World Cup. Did Brandi sulk and ask to get taken out of the game? No! Did she let it rattle her confidence? No! She let it motivate her to recover and persevere to tie the game<\/span>, which the U.S. team won. <\/p>\n

Lots of people saw Brandi\u2019s mistake. It was a big deal. She could have let embarrassment deflate her and play on her nerves for other games. Because she didn\u2019t, Brandi isn\u2019t remembered for her blunder. Nine days later in the final game, she scored the goal that won the Cup. Brandi proved that mistakes don\u2019t hurt you! You hurt you when you respond to them in ways that negatively affect what you do later<\/span>. <\/p>\n

Brandi says, \u201cIt\u2019s what your do after the mistakes that counts.\u201d<\/span> You can deal with one and move on, or dwell on embarrassment and let it make you feel incompetent. Mistakes can teach you what you have to do differently, if you keep them in perspective and not let them make you question your competency or feel inadequate. You choose whether to let a goof hurt you or to cut yourself slack and get back on track<\/span>. Become more conscious of your reaction to mistakes.<\/p>\n

* Don\u2019t insult yourself<\/span>. If you keep referring to yourself as an idiot or stupid, you\u2019ll eventually believe it. Don\u2019t use words that you wouldn\u2019t use on your best friend if she made a mistake. How often do you tell a friend, \u201cYou\u2019re an idiot and should be punished?\u201d Yet we call ourselves names and punish ourselves. Allow a kinder perception of what you did. You goofed, not screwed up. You\u2019re silly, not an idiot or loser. Pay attention to your self-perception and choose a kinder outlook.<\/p>\n

* Don\u2019t blow what you did out of proportion<\/span>. It\u2019s common to magnify faults and drag out misery by rehashing what you did in your mind. It\u2019s a mistake, not a sin! Don\u2019t make it more than it is. If people say it\u2019s no big deal, accept that it\u2019s no big deal. It\u2019s done\u2014you can only do what\u2019s necessary to be fix it, without making it a catastrophe.<\/p>\n

* No more \u201cshould haves\u201d<\/span>! Saying \u201cI should have\u2026\u201d makes you feel wrong. It does you no good to look back and think about how you wish you could change what you can\u2019t change. Your mistake is over. Look ahead!<\/p>\n

* Let it go quickly<\/span>. Every day you hold onto guilt or blame or horror of a past action is another day you\u2019re punished unnecessarily. That damages your spirit. Don\u2019t hold yourself to a higher standard than your friends. You don\u2019t punish them, so why punish you? List all your feelings \u2013 anger, inconvenience, embarrassment, etc. \u2013 read it aloud, and then burn it. That helps let it go.<\/p>\n

* Forgive YOU<\/span>. You can\u2019t do this while beating yourself up. Forgive you for being human and imperfect. Until you forgive, you can\u2019t let it go. Be loving to you!<\/p>\n

* Learn to laugh at yourself<\/span>. Don\u2019t put yourself down but laugh when you goof up. Say oops if you forget something. Allow yourself to feel the humor instead of gritting teeth and feeling stupid. If you trip and fall with people watching, ask how many points you get. Learn to find humor in mistakes to lighten them.<\/p>\n

* Remember that most people are supportive<\/span>. Others don\u2019t judge us nearly as harshly as we judge ourselves. They don\u2019t want you to feel bad and aren\u2019t gleeful if you do something wrong. Most mistakes aren\u2019t important to others. And those who don\u2019t feel bad for you won\u2019t feel good for you when you succeed so who cares about them!<\/p>\n

* Be open to reassurance from others<\/span>. When people try to say nice things after you goof, do you scoff them off or minimize their kind words? Don\u2019t! Everyone goofs and knows how lousy it feels so they want to make you feel better. Allow them to. <\/p>\n

* Do affirmations to reassure yourself<\/span>. \u201dI\u2019m a winner.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not my mistakes and can do things well.\u201d Saying affirmations helps heal bruised confidence and facilitates moving on. They also drown out negative thoughts since it\u2019s hard to think both at once.<\/p>\n

* Look for lessons and be more conscious \/ careful in the future<\/span>. What can you do differently? If you didn\u2019t prepare enough for a presentation, prepare more. If you goofed because you\u2019re tired, try to rest more. And if it was an accident that you broke something or tripped, accept that accidents happen and you can only do your best. <\/p>\n

Cut yourself slack if you fail your perfection standards! When you focus on imperfections, they become bigger than they are and distract you from good qualities<\/span>. You can balance what you don\u2019t have with your strengths. <\/p>\n

Michael Jordan said, “I’ve missed over 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot…and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Don\u2019t let mistakes take you out. Conquer them instead!<\/span> Keep what you did in perspective. Ask yourself if it will matter ten, or even one year from now. The faster you let it go, the less damage to your confidence. Never forget that everyone makes mistakes<\/span> \u2013 that\u2019s being human. It\u2019s how you let them affect you \u2013 or not \u2013 that counts<\/span>. Make sure that your main perception is how terrific and talented you are!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Letting mistakes bring you down is a big happiness buster. When you make them a motivation to go forward, they bring more satisfaction to your world instead of making you feel like a loser for not doing things perfectly. Cut yourself slack and smile! 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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