{"id":342,"date":"2007-09-24T15:22:00","date_gmt":"2007-09-24T15:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/is-britney-a-rotten-mom.html"},"modified":"2007-09-24T15:22:00","modified_gmt":"2007-09-24T15:22:00","slug":"is-britney-a-rotten-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/is-britney-a-rotten-mom.html","title":{"rendered":"Is Britney a Rotten Mom?"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>
Britney, Britney, Britney!<\/span> Your world is falling apart around you and you don\u2019t have resources to stop it. Yes, you have plenty of money. And know lots of people. But your head is shot from trying to deal with stuff beyond your experience and years. You were never taught to cope on your own, as a woman. Everyone made decisions for you. And now you\u2019re lost, spiraling through life on a crash course with no one to stop you<\/span>. Your good intentions for being a mom are empty without knowing what to do.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy for us to take pot shots at Brit. She\u2019s so publicly out there, damaging herself for all the world to see. But it doesn\u2019t matter how old she is and that she has kids. Brit hasn\u2019t grown up yet. That\u2019s the truth. Most of us didn\u2019t have life handed over. We had to earn respect, our jobs and our sense of self. Brit let her parents and manager lead her along to become a Pop Princess. She doesn\u2019t even know how to be a real person!<\/span> Everything in her life is about facades and media. And I\u2019m guessing, getting some goodies from guys.<\/p>\n

Brit has no self in her self-image. It was manufactured and sold to the public. But she also sold out developing as a solid person. Now she\u2019s lost. I remember how long ago she talked about how she couldn\u2019t wait to get married and be a mother<\/span>. So she handpicked Federline and got married. Didn\u2019t even know him well. He\u2019s probably good in bed and she fell in love with his style and rolling in the sheets with him. That doesn\u2019t create a solid relationship. <\/p>\n

Brit has no relationship with herself, so the marriage was doomed<\/span>. She was used to getting what she wants. She saw Federline, had him flown to her, and then he did her good in bed so she married him. The signs she should dump him were there, like his pregnant girlfriend. But she was used to having what she wanted so she married him. Now folks question her mothering skills. Hello! She\u2019s not a real mother. She had 2 babies but it takes more than birthing to be a mom<\/span>. <\/p>\n

There are many lousy moms out there, especially those with babies who are still kids themselves. But Brit is in the spotlight and everyone points fingers. She can\u2019t love herself if she abuses her body and soul as she does. One needs strength on the inside to navigate life and especially to raise kids. Being a mom isn\u2019t easy for most people. It\u2019s very rewarding, but there are times when ya just want to scream and have someone come take the little ones so you can have peace. Brit uses junk food to calm the kids and drug\/alcohol to calm herself and help her forget that her dream of marriage and kids has turned her life into a nightmare.<\/span><\/p>\n

Brit has no boundaries or folks she trusts. People always made decisions for her. I imagine at least one reason she dropped her parents and managers is because they kept telling her what to do. Looks like she doesn\u2019t want that anymore. She needs loving guidance, not demands or orders.<\/span> Mandating won\u2019t really help. And can you just see Brit intently taking notes at a parenting class? If she does show up, her mind probably won\u2019t be there. Everyone\u2019s forced their control on her for years. It\u2019s not a healthy path but I understand it. She\u2019s rebelling. <\/p>\n

Few people like it when a parent or anyone close tells you what to do in that \u201cI know what\u2019s best for you\u201d tone.<\/span> Brit wants to make her own decisions but has flung herself from one direction (of being managed carefully) to the opposite extreme\u2014being totally on her own without knowing how to make good choices. It\u2019s easy to judge; it\u2019s harder to have compassion for someone who is obviously hurting. Having the money and fame that many would kill to have makes Brit someone to scorn, not feel sorry for<\/span>. <\/p>\n

I have GREAT compassion for Britney Spears. She\u2019s lost, doesn\u2019t know who to trust, and can\u2019t find people to guide, not order her, to a healthier place. Then there are people like Tony Barretto, her former bodyguard, who tells stories as if Brit is the only mom doing the things he talks about on national TV. <\/p>\n

I\u2019d believe his supposedly good intention more if Gloria Allred wasn\u2019t orchestrating his concerned spouting of Brit\u2019s laundry publicly. <\/p>\n

A lot of people have been unkind in their comments about Tony. I read many on my favorite gossip column, PerezHilton.com<\/a>. I agree that Brit needs to get the drugs and excessive alcohol under control. But being nude behind closed doors in your home!! Heck, I do it. Many moms do things sans clothing when their kids are small. And we wouldn\u2019t be such a society of overweight kids if Brit were the only mom to give their kids junk food<\/span>!<\/p>\n

Brit needs to work on herself\u2014figure out who she is and who she wants to be beyond the perception she gives the public. She needs an identity as a person, just as we all do. Until you figure out who you are and want to be, you\u2019ll live up to what others want from you<\/span>. I did that for years when I was a DoorMat. I gave and gave for approval from others, with no sense of who I was so I couldn\u2019t develop my own identity. That\u2019s where Brit is now. In that way we\u2019re not all that different.<\/p>\n

Who does she really want to be? She probably doesn\u2019t know, or know how to figure it out. I feel sorry for Brit. She\u2019s not a rotten mother. She\u2019s a kid who doesn\u2019t know how to develop into a mature adult<\/span>. What she needs is people who care about HER, not how it will affect her career; to help her grow up and began to appreciate herself from the inside out. Until she finds ways to truly love herself, she can\u2019t be in a healthy relationship, and can\u2019t parent her kids in a healthy way,<\/span> not unlike many other young women. <\/p>\n

I\u2019m praying for you Brit! Call if you\u2019d like some real help! ?

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<\/p>\n

I’m delighted to have an article I wrote in these blog Carnivals:
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Success Inspired<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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