{"id":3399,"date":"2012-10-29T12:01:21","date_gmt":"2012-10-29T16:01:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3399"},"modified":"2012-09-27T13:51:37","modified_gmt":"2012-09-27T17:51:37","slug":"find-your-own-voice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/10\/find-your-own-voice.html","title":{"rendered":"Find Your Own Voice"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I encounter many people in a relationship who when asked, \u201cWhat do you think about\u2026?\u201d use \u201cwe\u201d instead of \u201cI\u201d in their answer. \u201cWe like this politician.\u201d \u201cWe agree that taxes should be raised.\u201d Often the \u201cwe\u201d opinion belongs to the more confident or stronger of the two. Women especially tend to go along with their partners, making his beliefs \u201cours.\u201d They use expressions that are their partners and parrot what he says.<\/p>\n

Sometimes \u201cwe\u201d comes from strong family ties. When the heads of a family have\u00a0 opinions, the whole family adopts it. I did this a lot when I was a DoorMat, and married. If my husband wanted something, \u201cwe\u201d wanted it. If he had a strong belief, \u201cwe\u201d believed it. It can seem easier to go along with someone you care about than risk getting them annoyed by not agreeing. But adopting someone else\u2019s thoughts means you lose your right to think for yourself and to have your own voice.<\/p>\n

Since DoorMats want to please, we often go along with whatever other people want. It may seem easier, and safer if you want the person to like you. Agreeable is usually the way people pleasers prefer to be. But agreeable means you can lose yourself, which can carry over into all areas of your life. \u201cWe\u201d can apply to people at work too if you don\u2019t want to speak your mind and disagree with colleagues. You may say, \u201cWe like the schedule for taking vacations\u201d when you actually hate having to go at a time that isn\u2019t good for you.<\/p>\n

Finding my true voice was a great blessing and catalyst for getting me out of DoorMatville and keeping me from going back. I remember still being married the first time I said \u201cI\u2026\u201d instead of \u201cWe\u2026.\u201d How empowering! It allowed me to think about what I truly thought about something instead of going along with others and I enjoyed that. Having an opinion that\u2019s different from your partner\u2019s is okay and shouldn\u2019t alienate him or her if you just express rather than challenge or criticize.<\/p>\n

You can find your own words to even express a similar opinion. Get into the habit of speaking for yourself, even if you agree with your partner. Saying \u201cI\u201d feels empowering. And you can do it without causing any problems in your relationship. Just state your thoughts in a friendly way. Having your own voice is a lovely statement of being in control of your life, even if you share it with someone else.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a>–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I encounter many people in a relationship who when asked, \u201cWhat do you think about\u2026?\u201d use \u201cwe\u201d instead of \u201cI\u201d in their answer. \u201cWe like this politician.\u201d \u201cWe agree that taxes should be raised.\u201d Often the \u201cwe\u201d opinion belongs to the more confident or stronger of the two. Women especially tend to go along with…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2],"tags":[448,153],"class_list":["post-3399","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-opinions","tag-speaking-up"],"yoast_head":"\nFind Your Own Voice - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/10\/find-your-own-voice.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Find Your Own Voice - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I encounter many people in a relationship who when asked, \u201cWhat do you think about\u2026?\u201d use \u201cwe\u201d instead of \u201cI\u201d in their answer. \u201cWe like this politician.\u201d \u201cWe agree that taxes should be raised.\u201d Often the \u201cwe\u201d opinion belongs to the more confident or stronger of the two. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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