{"id":3378,"date":"2012-08-13T12:01:50","date_gmt":"2012-08-13T16:01:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3378"},"modified":"2012-07-06T14:14:58","modified_gmt":"2012-07-06T18:14:58","slug":"question-should-i-loan-my-best-friend-money","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/question-should-i-loan-my-best-friend-money.html","title":{"rendered":"Question: Should I Loan My Best Friend Money?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Today I\u2019ll answer a question sent in by Joan, a reader: Joan\u2019s best friend\u2019s husband lost his job and they\u2019re struggling. She asked Joan for a loan to help them out. It\u2019s a lot of money for Joan to lend. She\u2019s on a budget herself and though she has a savings, she\u2019s concerned that they won\u2019t be able to repay her. And right now the money is earning interest. Yet Joan does want to help her friend and feels guilty that she\u2019s hesitant. She asked \u201cDo you have any suggestions for how to handle this?\u201d<\/p>\n

I have a solid policy: I don\u2019t loan money, unless it\u2019s money I can afford to lose, which I never feel. Loanmg money so can create a serious rift between you and the person you give the loan to because you can get stressed trying to get it back, which can trigger arguments or the other person might feel a lot of pressure if they can\u2019t repay it when you want, which will make them angry, even though you have a right to get your money. That\u2019s why I try not to loan money.<\/p>\n

Joan also said she works very hard for the money she has and would like to use it for herself and save more for her future. She\u2019s on her own and likes having the back up saving just in case her job ends or she has an emergency. That said, Joan doesn\u2019t want to turn her back on her friend. Many of us get into this position where we know how much someone we care about needs money but don\u2019t want to give up our hard earned savings. It can be especially annoying if the person used to spending money on a lot more than you did and has no savings because of it. After all, if you cut corners to save and your friend spent like crazy, which should you have to suffer and give up your money now?<\/p>\n

Use my advice to suit your own situation. If the thought of loaning money stresses you out too much, tell your friend that you\u2019re sorry but you\u2019re not in a position to loan money. Your financial situation is your business and you\u2019re a friend, not her banker. Let go of any guilt before you speak or it will come across in your tone and probably make her more likely to push. Don\u2019t argue or defend yourself. Just say you\u2019ve given it a lot of thought and it won\u2019t work.<\/p>\n

If you do want to help out, don\u2019t lend the full amount. Figure out an amount that feels a little more comfortable. Bit first, sit your friend down and ask how she intends to pay you back, and when. Then PUT IT ALL IN WRITING!! Tell her this is business for you and you\u2019ll feel better making a loan if you have a written agreement about it. Emphasize that you\u2019re doing this because you value the friendship and want to separate the loan from your friendship. Determine what interest you\u2019ll get and write that down too. Both she and her husband must sign the agreement.<\/p>\n

Put in a potential time-frame for repayment too. Don\u2019t leave it open-ended or you won\u2019t have a case to go to court if her husband decides not to get a job or walks out on her, leaving her penniless. Or, if they begin to have money but he doesn\u2019t want to pay you yet. If she balks about having a signed agreement, tell her how what you loan will take away your security and you have a right to protect it. If she can\u2019t respect that you\u2019re doing something that will affect your ability to spend, then take back your offer to loan money. You\u2019re doing her a big favor. If she doesn\u2019t appreciate that, you shouldn\u2019t make the loan.<\/p>\n

Loaning money is rarely a good thing. People change or their situation gets worse. You must protect yourself as much as you can. DoorMats just loan and suffer when it\u2019s not repaid. I\u2019m still owed a lot from my DoorMat days and know I\u2019ll never see it. But as I go forward, I rarely loan money to anyone and if I do, I have a formal agreement. You must protect yourself!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a>–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today I\u2019ll answer a question sent in by Joan, a reader: Joan\u2019s best friend\u2019s husband lost his job and they\u2019re struggling. She asked Joan for a loan to help them out. It\u2019s a lot of money for Joan to lend. She\u2019s on a budget herself and though she has a savings, she\u2019s concerned that they…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2],"tags":[445],"class_list":["post-3378","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-loaning-money"],"yoast_head":"\nQuestion: Should I Loan My Best Friend Money? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/question-should-i-loan-my-best-friend-money.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Question: Should I Loan My Best Friend Money? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Today I\u2019ll answer a question sent in by Joan, a reader: Joan\u2019s best friend\u2019s husband lost his job and they\u2019re struggling. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3378","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3378"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3378\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3381,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3378\/revisions\/3381"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3378"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3378"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3378"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}