{"id":336,"date":"2007-09-12T15:42:00","date_gmt":"2007-09-12T15:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html"},"modified":"2007-09-12T15:42:00","modified_gmt":"2007-09-12T15:42:00","slug":"the-power-of-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html","title":{"rendered":"The Power of NO"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>
I’m delighted to have a special guest today–Susan Newman, Ph.D., author of The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It\u2014and Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever (McGraw-Hill, 2006) Saying NO is something many people have a problem with. This book is full of ways to learn how to say NO and mean it.<\/p>\n

The Power of NO: Take Back Your Life One Word at a Time<\/span>
By Susan Newman, Ph.D.<\/p>\n

In today\u2019s busy world, your most valuable commodity is time. Most of us are pulled in many directions by family, friends, or co-workers. Favors and requests come your way every day without fail, and too often without thinking, you say, \u201cYes. Sure. No problem. I can do that\u201d when you really want to say \u201cno.\u201d<\/p>\n

Refusing someone is rarely easy and is often downright uncomfortable. But constantly giving in creates anxiety, anger, added stress, regret, and feelings of powerlessness. One little word will let you take back your life. The power of \u201cNO\u201d is limitless. When used properly, the word \u201cno\u201d allows you to stop the yes-habit and start living your life the way YOU want to.

Stepping into NO: The Basics<\/span>
Before you can say \u201cno\u201d readily, you will need to keep these five basic steps in mind:
1. Make a list of your yeses over the period of a week. The number of times you say \u201cyes\u201d may surprise you. The amount of yeses you are comfortable with will be different for everyone, but the true gauge is how pressured, tight for time, or resentful you feel.
2. Pay attention to how you parcel out your time. When your time is well managed, you\u2019ll keep some in reserve for what\u2019s most important to you.
3. Get your priorities straight. Decide who it is you want to say yes to, and who has first \u201ccrack\u201d at your time.
4. Know your limits\u2014start to define them if you don\u2019t know what they are. Know your emotional and physical limitations. Keep these limits in mind before you commit your time, your talent, your support or merely your presence.
5. Give control to others to ease your responsibilities. Eliminating the need to run things yourself to be sure they turn out the way you like them relieves much of the pressure you put on yourself. <\/p>\n

Flexing Your \u201cNO Muscle\u201d<\/span>
Here are a few more thoughts from The Book of NO that will help you start flexing your \u201cNO Muscle:\u201d
\u2022 When approached with a request, pause briefly and analyze what is really being asked of you. Make sure you fully understand the magnitude of the job before you blurt out \u201cyes.\u201d
\u2022 If you decide to say \u201cyes\u201d to something, be very specific about the amount of time you have to devote to the task, and, if necessary, alter it to make it more manageable.
\u2022 Try repeating an affirmation to help you stick to your decisions. Repeat something like, \u201cI will not give in,\u201d to remind yourself that you deserve to be in control of your time.<\/p>\n

Remember, you can say \u201cno\u201d and still remain a caring, committed person<\/span>. Don\u2019t fret over the consequences of your \u201cno.\u201d In general, people don\u2019t think about you as much as you worry about what they think, and if you\u2019ve handled the situation calmly, the backlash will be absent or insignificant. Remind yourself daily that \u201cno\u201d is liberating<\/span> and to say it is your right<\/span>.<\/p>\n

You can say \u201cno\u201d with the best of them!<\/span> For more tips, see: www.thebookofno.com<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Susan Newman, Ph.D.<\/span> is a social psychologist and author of The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It–and Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever (McGraw-Hill, Dec. 2005), Nobody’s Baby Now: Reinventing Your Adult Relationship with Your Mother and Father, Parenting an Only Child, The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only, and Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day, among others. www.susannewmanphd.com<\/a> <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m delighted to have a special guest today–Susan Newman, Ph.D., author of The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It\u2014and Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever (McGraw-Hill, 2006) Saying NO is something many people have a problem with. This book is full of ways to learn how to say NO and mean it. The…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-336","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Power of NO - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Power of NO - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I’m delighted to have a special guest today–Susan Newman, Ph.D., author of The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It\u2014and Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever (McGraw-Hill, 2006) Saying NO is something many people have a problem with. This book is full of ways to learn how to say NO and mean it. The…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2007-09-12T15:42:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RuhHTwVU-LI\/AAAAAAAAAA0\/EaX2Yt6gqdg\/s200\/NO+Book+Jacket-Final.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Power of NO - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Power of NO - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"I’m delighted to have a special guest today–Susan Newman, Ph.D., author of The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It\u2014and Mean It and Stop People-Pleasing Forever (McGraw-Hill, 2006) Saying NO is something many people have a problem with. This book is full of ways to learn how to say NO and mean it. The…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2007-09-12T15:42:00+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RuhHTwVU-LI\/AAAAAAAAAA0\/EaX2Yt6gqdg\/s200\/NO+Book+Jacket-Final.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html","name":"The Power of NO - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RuhHTwVU-LI\/AAAAAAAAAA0\/EaX2Yt6gqdg\/s200\/NO+Book+Jacket-Final.jpg","datePublished":"2007-09-12T15:42:00+00:00","dateModified":"2007-09-12T15:42:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RuhHTwVU-LI\/AAAAAAAAAA0\/EaX2Yt6gqdg\/s200\/NO+Book+Jacket-Final.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RuhHTwVU-LI\/AAAAAAAAAA0\/EaX2Yt6gqdg\/s200\/NO+Book+Jacket-Final.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/the-power-of-no.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"The Power of NO"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/336","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=336"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/336\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=336"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=336"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=336"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}