{"id":334,"date":"2007-09-10T12:08:00","date_gmt":"2007-09-10T12:08:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html"},"modified":"2007-09-10T12:08:00","modified_gmt":"2007-09-10T12:08:00","slug":"self-empowerment-busters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html","title":{"rendered":"Self-Empowerment Busters"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>
You\u2019ve heard old stereotypes but some are still valid. Not for everyone. But, though I hate them, stereotypes are widespread enough to address<\/span>. I\u2019m not a typical female and hate getting lumped in with some of the annoying things chicks do. Unlike stereotypes, I LOVE my space and my emotional responses are limited. Over the years I\u2019ve been told I think more like a guy. Hmmmm.. My response is that I\u2019ve just broken out of stereotypes and am blessed to have learned a lot of the best qualities from both sexes. <\/p>\n

Women<\/span> tend to have more overt self-esteem busters<\/span>\u2014not having a guy, seeing herself as too fat, feeling taken for granted, etc. They busted me for years! Overwhelming needs to please can diminish how you perceive your value<\/span>. Fear of being alone can push you to hunt and settle for a partner. But the fairy tale myth bursts quickly if you finally get what you thought you had to have and are still not happy<\/span>. In fairy tales, the frog turns into a prince when he\u2019s kissed. In real life, you marry the frog with lots of money or great sex techniques and spend your life kissing a frog<\/span>. That\u2019s partly why the divorce rate is so high.<\/p>\n

In my pre-self-empowerment days, I lived to find a boyfriend and when I had one, lived to please him so he\u2019d stay. My distorted view said I was complete by having a man, so the focus was on staying complete by keeping him, with little concern for getting my needs satisfied<\/span>. Most of my girlfriends agreed. The first boyfriend after my divorce was nuts. Yes, he had mental issues. But he was SOOOO hot! With a killer body. And he was fun when he wasn\u2019t mentally abusing me with accusations that weren\u2019t true as I apologized for things I didn\u2019t do. Did I mention great sex? ?<\/p>\n

When I considered leaving this emotionally disturbed hunk, my friends were horrified\u2014\u201cDo you know what\u2019s out there?\u201d So I was encouraged to hang in with a hot whack job because he was better than nothing. Flying solo for a while never crossed our minds.<\/span> Now I find it the best way to travel if I\u2019m not with a guy who\u2019s worth my time. I can do the many activities I\u2019ve developed passion for, when and how I want. Men are now my cheesecake<\/span>\u2014a sweet dessert to my already delicious life. When you feel empowered on your own, life is beautiful. And did I mention the great solo sex? ?<\/p>\n

Men tend to be more covert about self-esteem busters<\/span>\u2014quietly stressing about not making enough money or assessing their bodies against other guys in the gym. And worrying over attributes they can\u2019t change. Height and follicle challenged guys often struggle more. Of course I don\u2019t mean all of them. But a higher percentage of those without a thick head of hair or tall build say they feel less self-assured. <\/p>\n

Many women do gravitate to tall men with hair. But sadly, a large income can balance that! Many men still feel a duty to provide, especially with a woman who likes to spend. Guys have told me they feel like women look at them as wallets<\/span>. It\u2019s harder to love yourself when you feel like a wallet! Or get rejected if your wallet ain\u2019t fat enough. Add to that concerns about the size and delivery of your penis and self-esteem goes into limbo<\/span>.<\/p>\n

The bottom line\u2014both sexes want to feel empowered.<\/span><\/p>\n

Many women question how I can be so happy when I\u2019m not in a relationship. It\u2019s because I love myself and have a great life that\u2019s dependent on no one but me! Lots of folks don\u2019t have that. That\u2019s why I began Project Self-Empowerment<\/span>. I plan to raise money, self-publish my book, How Do I Love Me, Let Me Count the Ways, and give it away for free in colleges, shelters, etc. and continue to do self-empowerment projects. I want to help people learn to love themselves more, through my writing and speaking. <\/p>\n

You can\u2019t get real self-esteem from a bank account or job, the gym or a romantic partner. It must come from inside you!<\/span> Yet the media gives unfair and often destructive signals about what we need to have or do. Don\u2019t listen to what people tell you that you need for happiness<\/span> unless you can say\u2014without crossing your fingers\u2014that you love chasing outside factors for it. Be honest! I chased it all and got some but was never happy\u2014except for fleeting moments of joy\u2014until I looked inward and started to appreciate myself\u2014without the stuff I was told I had to have. <\/p>\n

I\u2019m not thin, I\u2019d like to make more money, each year I get older, and right now I\u2019m single. Yet, I\u2019m happy every day. Look for the good in you!<\/span> You have lots to value! Are you a good person? Appreciate that! Hold your head high and allow yourself to be happy in your own skin.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You\u2019ve heard old stereotypes but some are still valid. Not for everyone. But, though I hate them, stereotypes are widespread enough to address. I\u2019m not a typical female and hate getting lumped in with some of the annoying things chicks do. Unlike stereotypes, I LOVE my space and my emotional responses are limited. Over the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-happiness"],"yoast_head":"\nSelf-Empowerment Busters - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Self-Empowerment Busters - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You\u2019ve heard old stereotypes but some are still valid. Not for everyone. But, though I hate them, stereotypes are widespread enough to address. I\u2019m not a typical female and hate getting lumped in with some of the annoying things chicks do. Unlike stereotypes, I LOVE my space and my emotional responses are limited. Over the…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2007-09-10T12:08:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RuVwBOMhD0I\/AAAAAAAAAAk\/rX-hTr2yPv8\/s200\/Couple_lake1_xenia.JPG\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Self-Empowerment Busters - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Self-Empowerment Busters - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"You\u2019ve heard old stereotypes but some are still valid. Not for everyone. But, though I hate them, stereotypes are widespread enough to address. I\u2019m not a typical female and hate getting lumped in with some of the annoying things chicks do. Unlike stereotypes, I LOVE my space and my emotional responses are limited. Over the…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2007-09-10T12:08:00+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RuVwBOMhD0I\/AAAAAAAAAAk\/rX-hTr2yPv8\/s200\/Couple_lake1_xenia.JPG"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html","name":"Self-Empowerment Busters - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RuVwBOMhD0I\/AAAAAAAAAAk\/rX-hTr2yPv8\/s200\/Couple_lake1_xenia.JPG","datePublished":"2007-09-10T12:08:00+00:00","dateModified":"2007-09-10T12:08:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RuVwBOMhD0I\/AAAAAAAAAAk\/rX-hTr2yPv8\/s200\/Couple_lake1_xenia.JPG","contentUrl":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RuVwBOMhD0I\/AAAAAAAAAAk\/rX-hTr2yPv8\/s200\/Couple_lake1_xenia.JPG"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/09\/self-empowerment-busters.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Self-Empowerment Busters"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/334","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=334"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/334\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=334"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=334"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=334"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}