{"id":3322,"date":"2012-08-20T12:01:32","date_gmt":"2012-08-20T16:01:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3322"},"modified":"2012-06-28T13:57:15","modified_gmt":"2012-06-28T17:57:15","slug":"productive-envy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html","title":{"rendered":"Productive Envy"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Envy is considered a negative quality. It can be accompanied by thoughts of wishing someone would fall down or make you not like the person, even if it\u2019s a friend or family member. It can also trigger negative \u201ccompliments\u201d such as, \u201cYou lost so much weight. I hate you!\u201d I\u2019ve heard women say that kind of thing many times when they don\u2019t feel good about themselves. I used to be one of them<\/p>\n

When I was a DoorMat. I envied everyone around me who seemed happy or who had qualities I wanted. I\u00a0 hated so much about me back then that I envied everyone who had a slim body, the silky straight hair I wished for, a cute adoring boyfriend, an exciting job, and most of all, people who seemed happy in their own skins. Envy\u00a0 was a regular emotion for me, making me bitter about not having or being what I wanted.<\/p>\n

In the guest post by Todd Patkin, Handling the Green-Eyed Monster\u2014Envy<\/strong><\/a>, he speaks about how negative envy can be. And in most cases that’s true. But as I got more comfortable being me, I learned another aspect of it. For a while I fought the tendency to go to a place of envy when I saw someone with something I wanted. That\u2019s a natural response for most of us who feel envy isn’t good. But instead of giving me negative feelings, I\u2019ve learned how to use those feelings of envy for my benefit.<\/p>\n

Feeling envy triggers desire. When I find myself envying something, I think about how I can get it for myself. Instead of triggering anger and frustration, feelings of envy now motivate me. For example, for a while I\u2019d get negative feelings when I\u2019d get mailings from a writer I know with her schedule of speaking engagements and other activities. I wanted what she had! Then it hit me. I\u2019d never tried to do what she does. Now I\u2019m making more of an effort to do the kinds of things she does instead of feeling almost resentment that she has what I want. After all, if I didn’t try, of course I wouldn’t have it.<\/p>\n

Now when I get her emails, I bless her for having those opportunities and affirm that I\u2019ll have my own.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve recognized that someone else having what I want takes nothing away from me. I have wonderful qualities that the other person doesn’t have. Look for your own! I still don’t have silky straight hair but have found ways to work with my own. I’m still not as slender as I’d like to be but I’ve worked out and appreciate how fit my body is. There will always be someone with something you don’t have that you’d like. Accept that and find your own good qualities and blessings. Appreciating what you do have is a great antidote to envy and can make you feel good.<\/p>\n

There are plenty of opportunities for all of you that look for them. Envy teaches you what you might want that you hadn\u2019t thought about. Part of the motivation aspect is that knowing someone else got what you want means it\u2019s possible. I never thought of doing some of the things my writer friend is doing. Now I feel like I have more things to pursue for me. You don\u2019t need to waste your energy envying what someone else has. Next time envy hits you, ask yourself what you can do to get it for yourself.<\/p>\n

Affirm, \u201cShe\/He did it and I can too!\u201d If your friend lost weight, you can too! If your colleague got a job you\u2019d love to have, you can find one too! Then look for ways to accomplish what you want. Stop feeling green with envy and find the right color for your life.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a>–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Envy is considered a negative quality. It can be accompanied by thoughts of wishing someone would fall down or make you not like the person, even if it\u2019s a friend or family member. It can also trigger negative \u201ccompliments\u201d such as, \u201cYou lost so much weight. I hate you!\u201d I\u2019ve heard women say that kind…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,14,2,15],"tags":[388],"class_list":["post-3322","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-envy"],"yoast_head":"\nProductive Envy - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Productive Envy - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Envy is considered a negative quality. It can be accompanied by thoughts of wishing someone would fall down or make you not like the person, even if it\u2019s a friend or family member. It can also trigger negative \u201ccompliments\u201d such as, \u201cYou lost so much weight. I hate you!\u201d I\u2019ve heard women say that kind…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-08-20T16:01:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-06-28T17:57:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/06\/green-225x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Productive Envy - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Productive Envy - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Envy is considered a negative quality. It can be accompanied by thoughts of wishing someone would fall down or make you not like the person, even if it\u2019s a friend or family member. It can also trigger negative \u201ccompliments\u201d such as, \u201cYou lost so much weight. I hate you!\u201d I\u2019ve heard women say that kind…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2012-08-20T16:01:32+00:00","article_modified_time":"2012-06-28T17:57:15+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/06\/green-225x300.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html","name":"Productive Envy - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/06\/green-225x300.jpg","datePublished":"2012-08-20T16:01:32+00:00","dateModified":"2012-06-28T17:57:15+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/06\/green-225x300.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/06\/green-225x300.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/08\/productive-envy.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Productive Envy"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3322","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3322"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3322\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3325,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3322\/revisions\/3325"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3322"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3322"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3322"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}