{"id":313,"date":"2007-10-29T15:20:00","date_gmt":"2007-10-29T15:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html"},"modified":"2007-10-29T15:20:00","modified_gmt":"2007-10-29T15:20:00","slug":"being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html","title":{"rendered":"Being Ruthless Eventually Gets You Screwed"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>
You may not have succeeded in everything you want yet. There might not be a romantic partner in your life. Money might be a little tight. But as long as you have integrity, consider yourself a success!<\/span><\/p>\n

Many people get ahead by being cutthroat. Others say what people want to hear to get more. People screw friends in order to steal their romantic partner. And still others sell a false bill of goods for personal gain. They might seem like they won, or benefited from their ruthless ways. But ultimately, they\u2019re the losers.<\/span> People around them know what they\u2019re like. And eventually, it will come back to haunt them since what goes around really does come around. <\/p>\n

DoorMats are on the other side of the spectrum. They screw themselves in the name of being nice. That\u2019s not having integrity either!<\/span><\/p>\n

I constantly hurt myself when I lived in DoorMatville! I\u2019d cancel plans to help someone. Nice! Nice! Nice! I was always seeking a path to be nice by doing whatever people wanted, except for what I wanted. I thought I lived with integrity. But I didn\u2019t back then. Integrity means being honest and having good moral standards. I wasn\u2019t being honest with myself! Nor did I have any standards about how I allowed others to treat me, or how I treated myself.<\/span> My priorities didn\u2019t include respect\u2014not self-respect or receiving it from others. Being liked was all that mattered!<\/p>\n

A delusion of being a nice person overshadowed that I didn\u2019t treat ME very well. It was all about others! That\u2019s NOT nice on several levels. The first\u2014allowing yourself to be treated poorly\u2014is obvious. The second\u2014there\u2019s no integrity in being nice to buy the favor of others<\/span>. I\u2019d treat people to dinner so I wouldn\u2019t have to eat alone and do favors, hoping I\u2019d get them returned and have folks to depend on. I sacrificed my needs to satisfy everyone else\u2019s so I\u2019d be liked.

To me, integrity includes being true to yourself. It isn\u2019t being a mat for everyone to wipe their feet on. <\/span><\/p>\n

DoorMats want to live with integrity but the invisible welcome mat on their demeanor can blind them to what being a person of integrity truly is. After giving and giving indiscriminately, DoorMats can do a 180-degree turn when they get fed up.<\/span> After deciding that being nice just got me stepped on, I went in the other direction\u2014from auto-pilot \u201cyes\u201d to auto-pilot \u201cno\u201d\u2014and didn\u2019t help anyone.<\/span> I had more free time and didn\u2019t feel taken for granted but I didn\u2019t like myself for having a me, me, me mentality! Some recovering Doormats get ruthless as their anger about past behavior reaches a breaking point. <\/p>\n

Ruthless people have no integrity.<\/span> While they get what they say they want, it rarely brings contentment. Those who screw have been screwed and feel a need to do it back. After being hurt over and over as a DoorMat, I wanted revenge. But it honestly doesn\u2019t feel good. People who cheat know they\u2019re cheaters, and must live with that. Content folks don\u2019t need to play dirty.<\/span> They prefer to sleep well, knowing they\u2019ve done right by others and need no excuses to justify actions because they try to live by a standard of being honest and playing fair. <\/p>\n

Albert Camus said, “Integrity has no need of rules.”<\/span> <\/p>\n

Having integrity means doing your best to be fair and honest in your actions and words. We all do things that aren\u2019t perfectly right. People take supplies from work, tell white lies to avoid hurting someone, do some fudging on their income tax forms, etc. But most of the time our standards are better. No one is perfect. If you have basic values to live by and do your best to treat people with respect and consideration, you\u2019ll create a sense of integrity that fits you.<\/span> <\/p>\n

Ruthless people get the fruits of their lack of integrity. I\u2019ve never met one who seemed happy. Or had loving friends. Those are things that create the richest abundance in our lives. When you see yourself as an honorable person, you can feel proud. Pay attention. Integrity truly does attract good people, opportunities and joy that ruthless people can\u2019t get no matter what lengths they go to!<\/span> And when you\u2019re a nice person who also feels in control of his or her world, life is a blessing every day. Having been on both sides, this recovering DoorMat loves to pursue of life of integrity while helping others, and myself. I am truly blessed by this!

\"AddThis<\/a> var addthis_pub = ‘wryter’;
<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You may not have succeeded in everything you want yet. There might not be a romantic partner in your life. Money might be a little tight. But as long as you have integrity, consider yourself a success! Many people get ahead by being cutthroat. Others say what people want to hear to get more. People…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-313","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first"],"yoast_head":"\nBeing Ruthless Eventually Gets You Screwed - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Being Ruthless Eventually Gets You Screwed - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You may not have succeeded in everything you want yet. There might not be a romantic partner in your life. Money might be a little tight. But as long as you have integrity, consider yourself a success! Many people get ahead by being cutthroat. Others say what people want to hear to get more. People…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2007-10-29T15:20:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RyY0liefljI\/AAAAAAAAAE4\/B3KoMvwP14o\/s200\/heart+glass+half+full.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Being Ruthless Eventually Gets You Screwed - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Being Ruthless Eventually Gets You Screwed - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"You may not have succeeded in everything you want yet. There might not be a romantic partner in your life. Money might be a little tight. But as long as you have integrity, consider yourself a success! Many people get ahead by being cutthroat. Others say what people want to hear to get more. People…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2007-10-29T15:20:00+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RyY0liefljI\/AAAAAAAAAE4\/B3KoMvwP14o\/s200\/heart+glass+half+full.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html","name":"Being Ruthless Eventually Gets You Screwed - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RyY0liefljI\/AAAAAAAAAE4\/B3KoMvwP14o\/s200\/heart+glass+half+full.jpg","datePublished":"2007-10-29T15:20:00+00:00","dateModified":"2007-10-29T15:20:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RyY0liefljI\/AAAAAAAAAE4\/B3KoMvwP14o\/s200\/heart+glass+half+full.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/2.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/RyY0liefljI\/AAAAAAAAAE4\/B3KoMvwP14o\/s200\/heart+glass+half+full.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/being-ruthless-eventually-gets-you-screwed.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Being Ruthless Eventually Gets You Screwed"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/313","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=313"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/313\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=313"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=313"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=313"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}