{"id":312,"date":"2007-10-26T14:56:00","date_gmt":"2007-10-26T14:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/giving-permission-with-silence.html"},"modified":"2007-10-26T14:56:00","modified_gmt":"2007-10-26T14:56:00","slug":"giving-permission-with-silence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2007\/10\/giving-permission-with-silence.html","title":{"rendered":"Giving Permission with Silence"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>
Since this week I\u2019ve been encouraging you to be true to what you really want, I\u2019ll end the week with this thought. <\/p>\n

People continue to do what they get away with. If you don\u2019t tell them that something is unacceptable, your silence gives them permission to continue doing it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do you complain to friends about job inequities but continue to work hard? Do you let your partner control your relationship by buying into the belief that you need one to be complete? Or that you\u2019d feel like a failure if it didn\u2019t work out? Do you brood in silence, rather than risk losing someone who does you wrong?<\/span><\/p>\n

When I was a DoorMat, I let people take me for granted and shut my mouth when those I’d helped over and over ignored my needs. I laughed off disrespect and closed my eyes to poor treatment. My inability to communicate anger gave people the unspoken right to continue bad behavior<\/span>. If you don\u2019t voice dissatisfaction, how can you get satisfied? Silence says you won\u2019t make a fuss. And while a fuss isn\u2019t necessary, speaking up is. <\/p>\n

Margaret Atwood said, \u201cPowerlessness and silence go together.” <\/span><\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t take control and express what is unacceptable, nothing changes. If you act like everything is okay, the bad behavior will continue.<\/span> If you accept apologies over and over while the unacceptable behavior continues, you give them permission to do what they please in exchange for a cheap apology. <\/p>\n

DoorMats feel like victims.<\/span> They\u2019re not victims of those who hurt them. They\u2019re only victims of themselves. Inability to address a probably is your choice.<\/span> If someone hits you and you stay, it\u2019s YOUR choice. If someone talks to you disrespectfully and you ignore it, it\u2019s YOUR choice to let it continue. I blamed everyone when people hurt me. \u201cHow dare they take advantage of me?\u201d Why did he keep lying? \u201cWhy did she never repay the money I loaned, and loaned again?\u201d Because I let them! <\/p>\n

I learned how to better empower myself by acknowledging that it all happened because I didn\u2019t speak up.<\/span><\/p>\n

Your power begins and ends with you and your perception of your situations. You can stay silent and delude yourself that you\u2019re a victim of other people treating you badly, or let them know you will no long accept it.<\/span> And if you\u2019d prefer to send a strong message silently, quietly walk away and close the door on your way out!

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Since this week I\u2019ve been encouraging you to be true to what you really want, I\u2019ll end the week with this thought. People continue to do what they get away with. If you don\u2019t tell them that something is unacceptable, your silence gives them permission to continue doing it. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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