{"id":3112,"date":"2012-06-15T12:01:00","date_gmt":"2012-06-15T16:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3112"},"modified":"2012-04-21T23:25:55","modified_gmt":"2012-04-22T03:25:55","slug":"winning-your-personal-fear-factor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/06\/winning-your-personal-fear-factor.html","title":{"rendered":"Winning Your Personal Fear Factor"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Fear inhibits expressing your feelings, asking for a promotion, letting people go, saying “no” to requests, and many other things. Everyone experiences it. It can be subconscious or subtle. Nowadays reality shows encourage fighting fear. People survive eating pig\u2019s innards and bugs. If they can get beyond it, so can you! Francois de La Rochefoucauld said, “We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears.” Think about decisions you\u2019ve made based on fear. You can conquer worries, one baby step at a time, IF you choose to.<\/p>\n

Are you afraid of what might happen if you take a stand? Jumping out of a plane causes legitimate frazzled nerves. Running into a snake can legitimately scare you. But often you\u2019re scared of the unknown \u2013 \u201cwhat ifs\u201d instead of concrete situations. Imagination can conjure up potential worst-case scenarios. What if she hates me if I can\u2019t baby sit?\u00a0What if I\u2019m fired for not working weekends? Irrational speculations can freeze you. But the truth is, the unknown is usually worse that what really happens!<\/p>\n

Unknown outcomes are scary. If you request a promotion that’s denied, you may need another job. If you tell your boyfriend you won’t accept poor behavior, it may mean breaking up. Fear can pervade your whole life if you don\u2019t control it. When fear creates a belief that you need someone or what they offer, you lose control. There are other jobs, boyfriends and friends. Step back from fear to objectively see your choices. Don\u2019t let fear create self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe you can\u2019t live without someone\u2019s approval, help, or love, you make them too important. Fear magnifies problems and needs. Crumbs taste sweet when you\u2019re scared of getting nothing.<\/p>\n

Leaving or expressing yourself tastes sweeter.<\/p>\n

Mark Twain said, \u201cCourage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear–not absence of fear.\u201d Courageous people progress despite being scared. Courage allows you to get past it and learn there\u2019s less to worry about than you thought. Overcome fear by doing what you\u2019re afraid of. When you handle it, confidence builds. You\u2019ll be scared again but next time will be a smidgen easier. Fight what scares you by taking action! Facing fear teaches that you can manage most situations.<\/p>\n

How likely is your worst-case scenario to actually happen? Analyze the layers and diffuse them! Ask what’s the worst that can happen? Then decide\u2014can I cope with it? Be honest. You don’t have to like the outcome but can you handle it? What\u2019s the worst that could happen? Will you starve if you speak up and get fired? Will life end if your man books? You may be scared but you have to just do what’s necessary. When you identify exactly what may happen, find ways to cope. If fear controls your decisions:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Acknowledge out loud that you\u2019re scared.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Identify exactly what scares you.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Ask yourself how you can overcome and live with a negative result.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Think about the best outcomes, not the worst.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Expect the best.
\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Do something. Don\u2019t let fear paralyze you.<\/p>\n

Feeling scared is normal. Facing fear empowers you. It’s your choice to succumb or to conquer it. Put out feelers for other jobs. Plan fun things in case you cut ties with someone. Be proud of yourself for doing what scared you. Take baby steps away from fears. Stop imagining what might happen and focus on what\u2019s happening now. Right NOW you\u2019re okay! There will always be obstacles and people who aren\u2019t cooperative. That\u2019s reality! But you can stay in self-control of you.<\/p>\n

Are you nervous about messing up? Does fear stop you from expressing dissatisfaction or setting ground rules? Write down what scares you. Read each one aloud, declare, \u201cThis won\u2019t stop me!\u201d and burn it. You CAN do this if you tell yourself you can!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a>–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Fear inhibits expressing your feelings, asking for a promotion, letting people go, saying “no” to requests, and many other things. Everyone experiences it. It can be subconscious or subtle. Nowadays reality shows encourage fighting fear. People survive eating pig\u2019s innards and bugs. If they can get beyond it, so can you! Francois de La Rochefoucauld…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[383,31,88],"class_list":["post-3112","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-coquering-fear","tag-fear","tag-self-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"\nWinning Your Personal Fear Factor - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/06\/winning-your-personal-fear-factor.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Winning Your Personal Fear Factor - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Fear inhibits expressing your feelings, asking for a promotion, letting people go, saying “no” to requests, and many other things. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3112","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3112"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3112\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3115,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3112\/revisions\/3115"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3112"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3112"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3112"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}