{"id":3038,"date":"2012-05-21T12:01:10","date_gmt":"2012-05-21T16:01:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3038"},"modified":"2012-03-30T15:07:32","modified_gmt":"2012-03-30T19:07:32","slug":"declare-your-personal-independence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/declare-your-personal-independence.html","title":{"rendered":"Declare Your Personal Independence!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Would you like to implement the power you already possess? Yes, you already possess it! It just needs activation. Declare independence\u2014from other people\u2019s needs, from insecurity, from friends who use you, from disrespectful people, from not being taken seriously and from letting others determine your direction. When you light your fire inside, it radiates throughout you.<\/p>\n

Learn to satisfy your needs so what others do is gravy. I used to be dependent on people for almost everything in my life when I lived in DoorMatville. Pleasing people seemed the best way to avoid loneliness. I felt helpless when I had a problem and looked to others to help me fix them. I was scared to count on myself for anything! Being dependent on others kept me scared enough to make sure I went along with what they wanted so they\u2019d be there for me when I needed them.<\/p>\n

Fear of losing people we think we need can keep us stuck tight. It drives us to put other people\u2019s needs before our own. And it makes us tolerate criticism and feeling used. When I finally got sick of often feeling bad from my quest for keeping everyone happy, I decided to declare my independence from those who didn\u2019t treat me right, and from my need to depend on others.
\nI learned how to get things done if there\u2019s no assistance and go out solo if no one can join me and have a lot more fun. Everyone needs ME time: when YOU choose what YOU want for YOU. Fear of being alone kept me a DoorMat. I\u2019d treat for dinner or a movie to have company. Now I see solo time as MY way, a chance to enjoy my life the way it feels best for me. Fear of being alone drives you to kiss up to others. So redefine alone! Your own company can feel good if you let it.<\/p>\n

Find interests you enjoy and nurture them. Go out with just you\u2014when and how you want. If your friends don\u2019t make you happy, cultivate new ones. Pursue hobbies that interest you. It’s lovely to make decisions (what movie, where to eat, etc.) based solely on your desires. I’m thrilled with time to read, write, or just do silly things. Empower yourself by getting a life so fear of loneliness won\u2019t drive you to remain a people pleaser. Write down at least 5 things you\u2019ve wanted to try, and figure out a way to try at least one.<\/p>\n

When you\u2019re happy inside and enjoy your own company, you win, no matter whom you cut loose. It eases fear of taking a stand. Ask yourself, \u201cWhat would make me happy?\u201d If it\u2019s within reason, do it! Splurge on a massage or treat occasionally. You may say you\u2019re hesitant to spend money, yet many spend on others more easily than on yourself. Hello! You count more! No matter how busy you are, grant permission for downtime. Relaxation, fun activities or time with friends is healthy. Balance obligations with fun.<\/p>\n

Become more self-sufficient by learning how to do things you depend on others for. Take a class on how to fix things around your home or to improve a skill or fix your car. You may be surprised at how much you can learn if you make the effort. It feels so\u00a0 empowering to be more independent. Declare your personal independence\u2014from all the people you really don\u2019t need in your life and save your time for the ones who deserve you. And you come first in the deserving!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a>–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Would you like to implement the power you already possess? Yes, you already possess it! It just needs activation. Declare independence\u2014from other people\u2019s needs, from insecurity, from friends who use you, from disrespectful people, from not being taken seriously and from letting others determine your direction. When you light your fire inside, it radiates throughout…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,15],"tags":[367,88],"class_list":["post-3038","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-personal-independence","tag-self-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"\nDeclare Your Personal Independence! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/declare-your-personal-independence.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Declare Your Personal Independence! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Would you like to implement the power you already possess? Yes, you already possess it! It just needs activation. Declare independence\u2014from other people\u2019s needs, from insecurity, from friends who use you, from disrespectful people, from not being taken seriously and from letting others determine your direction. When you light your fire inside, it radiates throughout…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/declare-your-personal-independence.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-05-21T16:01:10+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-03-30T19:07:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/03\/victory-300x225.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Declare Your Personal Independence! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/declare-your-personal-independence.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Declare Your Personal Independence! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Would you like to implement the power you already possess? 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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