{"id":3022,"date":"2012-04-12T12:01:40","date_gmt":"2012-04-12T16:01:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3022"},"modified":"2012-04-12T14:37:28","modified_gmt":"2012-04-12T18:37:28","slug":"strategies-for-negotiating-with-more-confidence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/04\/strategies-for-negotiating-with-more-confidence.html","title":{"rendered":"Strategies for Negotiating with More Confidence"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>With all the strides made, it\u2019s still be proven that many women aren\u2019t paid on par with the salaries of men\u2014for doing the same job! Since a majority of women have at least a little bit of people pleaser in them, they take what they get instead of trying to negotiate more. Tuesday, April 17th is Equal Pay Day<\/strong><\/a>.\u00a0 It\u2019s important to call attention to this issue. A big part of increasing your salary is not being afraid to ask and learning how to negotiate instead of just accepting what you\u2019re given.<\/p>\n

In honor of Equal Pay Day<\/strong><\/a>, I\u2019m delighted to have Selena Rezvani<\/strong><\/a> as my guest today. She\u2019s a recognized author, speaker, and consultant on women and leadership and co-owns Women\u2019s Roadmap<\/strong><\/a>, a consulting firm that elevates more women into leadership through assessment, design of gender-inclusive policies, and coaching. Her clients include Harvard, Princeton, Comcast, Apple, Duke and Johnson & Johnson. Selena is a commentator on NPR’s The 51% Perspective, writes columns for The Washington Post and Forbes, and authored The Next Generation of Women Leaders: What You Need to Lead but Won’t Learn in Business School<\/strong><\/a>. Her new book Pushback: How Smart Women Ask\u2014and Stand Up\u2014for What They Want<\/strong><\/a>. Here\u2019s what Selena advises for negotiating more successfully.<\/p>\n

Proven Strategies to Negotiate Successfully?<\/strong>
\nBy\u00a0Selena Rezvani<\/strong><\/a> <\/strong><\/p>\n

You probably know that negotiating on the job can land you better pay, interesting work assignments\u2014even a more flexible work arrangement.\u00a0 Yet, how often do you choose to ask for what you really want?\u00a0 If you\u2019re like many people, you have a ready list of reasons why you shouldn\u2019t make a request, often fueled by doubts about whether or not you deserve whatever it is you are requesting. Below are some proven strategies to help you move past inaction, getting closer to negotiation and those outcomes that give you what you really need:\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Set Your Sights High.<\/strong> Realize that people suffer from low expectations more than anything else in negotiation, a factor which makes them aim low and get too little, overpay, or paralyzes them into not negotiating at all. Always start with an outcome that would delight and thrill you, not simply satisfy you.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Be on the Same Team<\/strong>. If you want to create a less adversarial feeling in a negotiation, consider sitting side by side when it makes sense, as opposed to face to face.\u00a0 You can also use the term \u201cwe\u201d to build cooperation, avoiding terms that evoke more of a \u201cyou versus me\u201d dynamic.\u00a0 You can buy goodwill by sharing your optimism, noting, \u201cThanks for meeting today.\u00a0 I\u2019m confident that we\u2019re going to be able to come to a mutually beneficial agreement.\u201d<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Don\u2019t Underestimate Your Own Power<\/strong>. Sometimes a simple switch in the way we view our role can be action enough to drive a negotiation or debate into a favorable direction. Don\u2019t overestimate the other party\u2019s power.\u00a0 Instead, see the other person in a non-deferential and a more equal, peer-to-peer way; this can make all the difference in getting the outcomes we want.<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Keep at It<\/strong>.\u00a0 While in a negotiation, get comfortable drawing out the conversation \u2013 or even postponing it \u2013 if need be, rather than nodding your head in agreement or surrendering with \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 You can experiment with leveling the power by asking questions that open up dialogue. These questions deepen conversation and often resemble, \u201cCan you explain how you arrived at that solution?\u201d and \u201cHow could I help you feel more comfortable with this request?\u201d<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Use Silence<\/strong>. Being quiet can equalize power and is most important at two critical junctures in a negotiation: right after you make a request and right after your counterpart answers. That means delivering our ask cleanly and clearly. It doesn\u2019t mean hesitating afterward and adding words to lessen our request or soften the blow. We also don\u2019t want to qualify our ask by saying something like, \u201cif you afford it\u201d or \u201cI know this has been a rough year for the company.\u201d<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Humanize the Discussion<\/strong>.\u00a0 The more you can paint a vivid picture of your role and position, the more successful you\u2019ll be in getting the other side to flex to your needs.\u00a0 If you get resistance, you can elicit empathy from the other side by saying something like, \u201cPut yourself in my shoes…\u201d or \u201cTry to understand my position.\u201d\u00a0 You can also ask, \u2018\u2018Can you do any better?\u2019\u2019 When asked such direct questions, our instinct is often to try a little harder to help the other side.<\/p>\n

*********************<\/p>\n

Check out Selena Rezvani<\/strong><\/a>‘s book, Pushback: How Smart Women Ask\u2014and Stand Up\u2014for What They Want<\/strong><\/a>. This book is a treasure of suggestions for how to ask for what you want and stand up for you. Even guys can learn from it!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a>–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2012 HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With all the strides made, it\u2019s still be proven that many women aren\u2019t paid on par with the salaries of men\u2014for doing the same job! Since a majority of women have at least a little bit of people pleaser in them, they take what they get instead of trying to negotiate more. Tuesday, April 17th…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18,14,2],"tags":[360,96,361,359,88],"class_list":["post-3022","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-embracing-success","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-equal-pay-day","tag-negotiating","tag-people-pleaser","tag-selena-rezvani","tag-self-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"\nStrategies for Negotiating with More Confidence - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/04\/strategies-for-negotiating-with-more-confidence.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Strategies for Negotiating with More Confidence - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"With all the strides made, it\u2019s still be proven that many women aren\u2019t paid on par with the salaries of men\u2014for doing the same job! Since a majority of women have at least a little bit of people pleaser in them, they take what they get instead of trying to negotiate more. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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