{"id":3016,"date":"2012-05-11T12:01:29","date_gmt":"2012-05-11T16:01:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=3016"},"modified":"2012-04-18T15:32:13","modified_gmt":"2012-04-18T19:32:13","slug":"controlling-negative-emotions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html","title":{"rendered":"Controlling Negative Emotions"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Often situations that trigger anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness, etc., make us stew. People pleasers tend to do it in silence, mulling it over and over as the feelings get more intense, or go the other way and complain to any nearby ear. I did that years ago. When someone did me wrong it took over my thoughts, which created stress and other feelings in my body, which made me feel worse. Then I blamed on whatever happened\u2014making it a vicious cycle: I felt angry, then I felt worse. The worse I felt the more angry I got.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t short circuit those cycles you can make yourself ill and, it certainly keeps happiness and other good feelings away. I know how hard it can be when someone does you wrong. I was a master complainer and stewed deeply. It didn\u2019t feel good but I didn\u2019t know what else to do. Now that I\u2019ve found techniques to offset going into gripe mode, negative occurrences don\u2019t feel nearly as bad as they used to. Here are some things to try<\/strong>:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Vent to one or two trusted people<\/strong>. Talk it out with JUST one or two people so you get validation for your feelings. Often you just need to know you have good reason to feel as you do. Then stifle any urges to complain indefinitely.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Allow yourself a good scream at home<\/strong> if it makes you feel better. Or punch a pillow to get some strong rage out.\u00a0 Sometimes a good private vent can be very therapeutic.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Write all your feelings on paper<\/strong> as if you were writing a letter about it. Get all the details: why you have he feelings how it affected you, how it left you feeling, etc. Read it aloud a few times with emotion. Then burn it and let your emotions leave with the smoke.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Forgive anyone who was responsible.<\/strong> It can be a person, a company that did you wrong, or you may be blaming yourself. Forgive in your heart. You don\u2019t have to directly communicate with anyone. This is for you, not other people! It\u2019s especially important to forgive yourself. We often beat ourselves up for mistakes that create negative emotions. Forgive yourself for being human and move on. Light a candle to signify it.<\/p>\n

Life is so much better when you have emotions under control. Otherwise they control your ability to be happy, usually keeping you from enjoying like. Next time something happens that begins to set you on a negative track, short circuit the emotions fast. Then you can move on and deal with the situation better and feel better.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Often situations that trigger anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness, etc., make us stew. People pleasers tend to do it in silence, mulling it over and over as the feelings get more intense, or go the other way and complain to any nearby ear. I did that years ago. When someone did me wrong it took over…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,2],"tags":[178,177,364],"class_list":["post-3016","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-anger-2","tag-negative-emotions","tag-venting"],"yoast_head":"\nControlling Negative Emotions - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Controlling Negative Emotions - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Often situations that trigger anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness, etc., make us stew. People pleasers tend to do it in silence, mulling it over and over as the feelings get more intense, or go the other way and complain to any nearby ear. I did that years ago. When someone did me wrong it took over…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-05-11T16:01:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-04-18T19:32:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/03\/mouth-300x225.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Controlling Negative Emotions - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Controlling Negative Emotions - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Often situations that trigger anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness, etc., make us stew. People pleasers tend to do it in silence, mulling it over and over as the feelings get more intense, or go the other way and complain to any nearby ear. I did that years ago. When someone did me wrong it took over…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2012-05-11T16:01:29+00:00","article_modified_time":"2012-04-18T19:32:13+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/03\/mouth-300x225.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html","name":"Controlling Negative Emotions - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/03\/mouth-300x225.jpg","datePublished":"2012-05-11T16:01:29+00:00","dateModified":"2012-04-18T19:32:13+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/03\/mouth-300x225.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2012\/03\/mouth-300x225.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/05\/controlling-negative-emotions.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Controlling Negative Emotions"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3016","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3016"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3016\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3094,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3016\/revisions\/3094"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3016"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3016"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3016"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}