{"id":30,"date":"2010-02-11T12:27:00","date_gmt":"2010-02-11T12:27:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/im-just-not-that-into-him.html"},"modified":"2010-02-11T12:27:00","modified_gmt":"2010-02-11T12:27:00","slug":"im-just-not-that-into-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/im-just-not-that-into-him.html","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m Just Not That Into Him"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>There\u2019s a popular book called, He\u2019s Just Not that Into You<\/span>. It came from a line used on Sex and the City as a lesson for women that guys may stick around but not give you what you really want or need because he\u2019s just not that into you. I said something similar in my book, All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise<\/a>. A guy may stick around because he gets good sex, or good home cooked meals, or he just hasn\u2019t met anyone better. Some even like to nail a sugar momma! But he may not be emotionally invested. Men experience it too. Women stick around for the gifts, financial security, and to have a man who can complete her, at least for the moment.<\/p>\n

Hit and run daters come in both sexes<\/span>, but are more prevalent in guys, since many women will marry a guy she\u2019s not that into, just to have financial security and to get married. If her biological clock is ticking, the odds are even greater for a woman to settle, just to have someone. I know of too many women who believe that settling is the reality of having a man. Men are much less likely to marry a woman they\u2019re just not that into.<\/p>\n

When He\u2019s Just Not that Into You<\/span> came out, women were in awe of this concept. I’ve been trying to explain it for many years. Women often ask me:<\/span><\/p>\n

* Why doesn\u2019t he call?
* Why doesn\u2019t he keep his word?
* How can he sleep with me and then disappear for a while?
* Why does he let me clean and cook and spend time and then he holds back emotionally?
* And lots more along these lines.<\/p>\n

Sometimes these situations occur if he’s scared of falling in love with you and so he sabotages the relationship rather than face his feelings. More often, as the book says: He\u2019s just not that into you<\/span>. I\u2019ve been saying this to women well before this book came out. But either way, you don\u2019t have him emotionally. Men and women often have different agendas when they date. Women tend to look for a long-term relationship from the first date forward and analyze a man\u2019s potential as a husband from the get-go. Men tend to go out to have fun and hope they can eventually have sex. They\u2019re not as concerned with where this liaison will go after the first few dates.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s much more of an emphasis on finding a mate for women–“to feel complete.” That makes many of us give having one too much importance.<\/span><\/p>\n

As a DoorMat, I struggled to find a man who\u2019d stay with me so I\u2019d feel complete. Yes, I was desperate. Sadly, I encounter a lot of women with that mindset. It\u2019s all about HIM and if HE is into you. Both sexes need to make themselves most important. Once I had a loving relationship with ME. I no longer made having a man a priority. I\u2019d rather wait to meet someone who makes me consider it because he interests me so much, than to search for any breathing male who likes me and try to like him, like I used to do.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t hear many women say, \u201cI\u2019m just not that into him.\u201d But not settling for someone is key to being an empowered person.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve met some nice guys lately who liked me. I tried, like I used to, to convince myself to accept a date but found myself making excuses. Friends couldn\u2019t understand why I didn\u2019t jump at the chance to go. \u201cHe\u2019s a great catch.\u201d \u201cHe makes a lot of money.\u201d \u201cWhy not just go? You\u2019ll have a free dinner.\u201d And so on! They were even more confused when I said, \u201cI\u2019m just not that into him,\u201d<\/span> and responded with, \u201cYou don\u2019t have to be into him to go out.\u201d But I do! I value myself too much to endure time spent with someone I\u2019m not into. And, I don\u2019t need to use a man for a free dinner. I can feed myself!<\/p>\n

No more settling! My time is too valuable to waste it with someone I\u2019m just not into.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re single and dating, pay attention to your reaction to someone you meet. Are you seeing him or her because there\u2019s no one else, or you\u2019re horny? In the past, I believed that someone was better than no one. Now that I value me, I want to be with a guy I find special, and worth my time. So I continue to confuse people who push me to pursue the \u201cgood catch\u201d who likes me by saying, \u201cI\u2019m just not that into him.\u201d I\u2019m not a fisherman so I don\u2019t need to catch anything. That makes finding a partner too important to the grand scheme of my life.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m happy, in love with my life and enjoy my own company and spending time with friends. Being whole on my own means I don\u2019t need someone to complete me.<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s okay for both sexes to be “not that into ____.” This concept isn’t reserved for men. Become more into YOU. Enjoy doing things on your own like I do. Sometimes my friends complain I spend too much time on my own. After being dependent on having others to spend time with to not feel lonely, and having a guy to feel complete, I’m joyously enjoying all the things I love doing solo, no apologies. It’s no longer what others think about me and my choices. It’s what I think that matters!<\/p>\n

When you can CHOOSE to be solo on a Saturday night because you\u2019re just not that into him or her, your life is yours. <\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m willing to share with the RIGHT person, but until then, I\u2019ll continue to assess whether each guy who asks me out is worth my time. DoorMat Daylle would never have believed it was possible to be happy without a man. Today, a man I’m into will add to my happiness, but I\u2019m already happy on my own!<\/p>\n

Give yourself a gift of love this weekend, whether you\u2019re in a relationship or still solo.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you’re in a relationship, cut down on the material stuff and spend the weekend being loving to each other. When you can let go of the need to be in a relationship with a romantic partner and nurture your relationship with you, you\u2019re in the best place to meet someone you won\u2019t have to settle for, or to improve your current relationship. I wish you a HAPPY, loving, Valentine’s Day, whether you’re single or in a relationship!<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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There\u2019s a popular book called, He\u2019s Just Not that Into You. It came from a line used on Sex and the City as a lesson for women that guys may stick around but not give you what you really want or need because he\u2019s just not that into you. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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