{"id":2990,"date":"2012-04-09T12:01:11","date_gmt":"2012-04-09T16:01:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=2990"},"modified":"2012-03-16T15:27:51","modified_gmt":"2012-03-16T19:27:51","slug":"may-the-best-person-do-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/04\/may-the-best-person-do-it.html","title":{"rendered":"May the Best Person Do It"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>People often have a hard time receiving help for several possible reasons. When I was a DoorMat I only wanted to help others. Receiving was tough, as it is for most people pleasers. I\u2019d rather plod through something in a half baked way than let someone do it for me. People pleasers are afraid to inconvenience anyone or put someone on the spot for help. It means things often don\u2019t get done properly, if at all.<\/p>\n

A stubborn ego can also prevent you from accepting help. I\u2019ve been at Thanksgiving dinners where the man of the house was determined to carve the turkey, because he felt it should be his job, but he really didn\u2019t know how to do it. He\u2019d muck it up but refuse help, even though it was offered by people experienced with carving. When you think you should know how to do something, you can stubbornly refuse to let someone else do a task you actually aren\u2019t good at. Determination can drive you to do it, but not well. Then you hope nobody notices, like the guy who carved the turkey into big slabs of meat instead of slices.<\/p>\n

While it\u2019s similar to a stubborn ego, pride can make you not want to admit you can\u2019t do something. Thinking you should be able to do something can push you to keep trying, even if you see it\u2019s not working. If you\u2019re too proud to ask for help you persevere with effort after effort but don\u2019t get it right, or as right as someone with more expertise than you can do it. Pride can hurt your self-esteem when you get it wrong and others see what you do or don\u2019t do. Pride can truly offset common sense about your choices.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve learned that whenever it\u2019s possible, I let the best person do what needs to be done. As a DoorMat, it began with learning to love myself enough to know I don\u2019t have to be alone in my endeavors, however big or small they are. Most people are fine with helping you when you ask. Too many of us don\u2019t, which hurts us. It can be hard to ask for help whether it\u2019s a need to please, a stubborn ego or pride that gets in your way. But you can break through that by consciously trying it. Once you do and see how nice help can be, you\u2019ll probably find it easier the next time.<\/p>\n

I like to begin by telling the person what needs to be done. Then I sweeten the request by letting them know I think they\u2019re better at doing whatever it is than I am. That can make a person want to help more. It\u2019s also good for you to acknowledge your weaknesses. Having them is no crime. We all have things we\u2019re no good at. It takes strength to admit it and you should feel proud when you do. It\u2019s better than lumbering through a task that stymies you when someone else could get it done fast, and right. And often helping you makes the other person feel good, so they\u2019re pleased to help you\u2014a win\/win situation!<\/p>\n

The next time you struggle over something, whether it\u2019s a simple thing\u00a0 like not being able to reach high enough because you\u2019re short or something a bit more challenging like changing something on your computer, ask someone tall to reach for you or call a tech savvy friend and ask for help. It will keep your stress level lower and you\u2019ll get more things done properly.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

People often have a hard time receiving help for several possible reasons. When I was a DoorMat I only wanted to help others. Receiving was tough, as it is for most people pleasers. I\u2019d rather plod through something in a half baked way than let someone do it for me. People pleasers are afraid to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,2,15],"tags":[354],"class_list":["post-2990","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-receiving-help"],"yoast_head":"\nMay the Best Person Do It - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/04\/may-the-best-person-do-it.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"May the Best Person Do It - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"People often have a hard time receiving help for several possible reasons. When I was a DoorMat I only wanted to help others. Receiving was tough, as it is for most people pleasers. I\u2019d rather plod through something in a half baked way than let someone do it for me. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2990","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2990"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2990\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2992,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2990\/revisions\/2992"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2990"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2990"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2990"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}