{"id":2904,"date":"2012-04-13T12:01:42","date_gmt":"2012-04-13T16:01:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=2904"},"modified":"2012-03-07T15:45:05","modified_gmt":"2012-03-07T20:45:05","slug":"don%e2%80%99t-give-up-your-power-for-anger","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/04\/don%e2%80%99t-give-up-your-power-for-anger.html","title":{"rendered":"Don\u2019t Give Up Your Power for Anger"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I was in a good mood when my friend called to tell me she couldn\u2019t make it to a concert we were supposed to attend that night. Her excuse wasn\u2019t good in my book\u2014a guy she liked asked her to have dinner with him and instead of asking for another day, she bailed on me. She casually told me to find someone to use her ticket. The concert was in a very large venue and tix were pricy. I wanted someone to go with and argued that I didn\u2019t think I could get someone at the last minute. She shrugged it off, her mind obviously on seeing the guy and not on leaving me hanging. She did mention that she wanted to be reimbursed for the ticket by whoever went.<\/p>\n

My first response was to get angry. How dare she?! Then I made a few calls and saw it would be tough to get someone at the last minute who\u2019d want to see the band and pay for the tickets. Grrr\u2026, I began to get very angry. How dare she do this to me? It\u2019s wrong to put a man in front of a friend, especially when he called her last minute! I began to get worked up but thankfully caught myself. I\u2019d been looking forward to going to the concert and now I was very agitated, letting it control my mood.<\/p>\n

In the past I\u2019d have stewed all day, wasted work time calling people to try to get someone to go with me and ruining my evening with the anger. So many of us do that. Someone does something that makes us angry and we let the anger or disappointment or frustration or other negative emotions hijack our mood, which can also hijack our pleasure. That\u2019s what I almost did. But I realized that anger at my friend had already taken a few hours from me. I\u2019ve learned that there\u2019s no point in losing your power over how you do or don\u2019t enjoy your day because something made you angry.<\/p>\n

I decided that even though it felt uncomfortable, I was going to the concert on my own. Why waste time trying to find someone to accompany me? I could go by myself. My friend would lose the money for the ticket. Oh well!\u00a0\u00a0 I felt a bit odd finding my way through the stadium that the concert was in. But I found my seat and enjoyed the music. Once I was there I was fine! I forgot about the empty seat next to me and didn\u2019t think about my anger, which dissipated earlier. And if my friend was out the money on her ticket, oh well!<\/p>\n

Things will happen that make you angry. It\u2019s your choice to let it have power over you or to use your power to not let small anger issues get to you. Of course it will be harder to do this if it\u2019s something huge, like a friend stealing your romantic partner or someone smashing up your car. But even for those kinds of things, you\u2019ll feel better if you control your anger instead of getting immersed in it. Don\u2019t stoke the flames of negative emotions. Try your best to throw cold water on them, The less you absorb the lousy feelings, the less they\u2019ll hurt you. Your mood will be better for doing it!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was in a good mood when my friend called to tell me she couldn\u2019t make it to a concert we were supposed to attend that night. Her excuse wasn\u2019t good in my book\u2014a guy she liked asked her to have dinner with him and instead of asking for another day, she bailed on me.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,14,2,15],"tags":[178,333,88],"class_list":["post-2904","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-anger-2","tag-handling-anger","tag-self-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"\nDon\u2019t Give Up Your Power for Anger - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/04\/don\u2019t-give-up-your-power-for-anger.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Don\u2019t Give Up Your Power for Anger - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I was in a good mood when my friend called to tell me she couldn\u2019t make it to a concert we were supposed to attend that night. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2904","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2904"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2904\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2912,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2904\/revisions\/2912"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2904"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2904"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2904"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}